Breaking and Welding Chains
The silent night is the background, where a slow walk is the only sound to be heard, but the walk remains hidden in the dark. Each step is followed by the sound of a chain, the chain grinding to itself as if something is pulling it apart. Little sparks jump from the chain trying to break out a light to the ambient, but the darkness is too heavy. Only fleeting shadows roam from the sparks.
As I walk, I am welding a new chain. This time, to someone who I hope can give me the happiness I need. To someone which has given me many good moments. But somehow, there is something holding me down, a weight over me, I think it is an old chain, but it is dark, and I can't see well enough. It seems to me, the this weight is the reflection of an very important chain which I tried to break, and stopped midway as an request from a very important person...
What I see from it, from the very little that is given to me, it seems that this chain was somehow connected to a web like structure of chains. It seems that the vibrations I created in my end of the chain created a rupture in that structure, and I feel that an old group, which stood together, and wasted many hours playfully, is now breaking up, and stopping to hang out, or doing so less frequently. I know it may seem I am conceited thinking this, but sometimes I feel that I was one of the few trying to hold that structure intact. Maybe this is this weight I've been feeling some days, it seems it was what struck today.
Some chains add weight, some pull from different sides, I see nothing at the end, it is too dark, I can't see which chains are breaking, some chains are holding me together, and some are pressing agains my wounds as I try to go forward. This walk is a very hard one, but at least the silent night has been a "sight", no worries, no noise, just me, my chains, and a very long, VERY dark, path.

Beginning of Ages
Every time to time, new ages rise, marked by some specific group of things. Of course, depending on what area you are on, these marks, may differ a lot. For me, things that mark ages are the generations of video games, this is because in the rest of my life, there has never been anything so defining of a period of time, just some major events that came, and went fast, leaving marks, but none that would be considered tipical of an "age". So I tag things from those vivid memories, the ones that will always pop up when I hear that song, or see that picture.
I remember even now that time, one of the first revolutions, one that wrought a music upon my soul, my friend broght a Playstation to my house, with one game... only one, and we let the entrance music play in loop. There were other moments, like playing Mario 64 for the first time. Or waiting anxiously to get back to Brasil to play Lufia 2, or expecting the arrival of my Super Smash Bros Melee.
Now, times are changing. A new age is about to arrive. A new video game era is being born. But not only that, things in my life are changing. Friendships are still unstable and trying to fall in place, but college is flowing naturaly, and for the first time... I think I have someone to walk by my side, maybe not always, but she has been giving me some very special moments... at least one piece of the puzzle fell in place. I hope the other pieces will fall in place soon enough, at least it would make me very happy.
New era, new games, new people, and new sources of hope and happiness. I still have many troubles in my mind, but I am very glad I found these new things to keep my heart happy, so I'll live to see my birthday, the day which MANY things will begin, the day I hope marks this new age.

One Year
One month, less than a month to my birthday. It will be a year since I ran away, and took that 24 hours off of the world, away, unreachable, alone. I think back, one year may sometimes seem like a lot of time, specially when you think all that has happenned, but in the end, it seems that I ran away just yesterday. Like I probably said last year, this year I have been through a lot. I see my current situation, and find myself much stronger than before, and as I choose a new path, I found the pain to subside a bit, giving me a better ratio of strength over pain. Some of the confusion in my life has led to some bad days recently, but not even near as bad as I were before, and I have been having some fun lately, with a special lady. I lost many things, including some people who were very special, some things I may never get back, but some friendships I'll try to safe, as long as they want to be saved. I am having some satisfaction in the study, after some troubles. My project for the conclusion of the course is starting at last. I may be beginning a new RPG with my RPG system, finally. I still have a lot in my mind, my sleep is very unstable, but at least I have that inner peace of knowing what I am doing.
This year has brought me many experiences, many bad, from which I have learned and became stronger, and some good, from which I hope to regain hope and peace. This last month hold many surprises, some may be good, and I hope that none will be bad, but I will be there, walking down this road, towards some things I have been waiting for so long.
November nineteenth, the day of the year, for some reason many good things will happen on this, and I am afraid I don't know what to think of this. 19/11/06 - American official launch of Nintendo Wii, mine is reserved, should be here in the beginning of december. Also there will be a presentation of Video Games live here, in São Paulo, and I'll be there, it will be the best presentation I have ever seen. I just hope people will be nice to me this day, at least considerate enough not to make me sad.
For the first time in many years I actually look forward for my birthday. I hope I don't get disappointed.

A Movie Moment
It was today, at lunch time. I went out to the bank to draw some money and since I was there I lunched at a nearby place which sells "pastel" (I still think there is no word in english for this, one day I'll try to describe it). After my calm and peaceful lunch I was heading back to college when I saw the most amusing sight. You know how in some movies they show employees at storage rooms playing cards?! I know that those people you usually ignore, like the cleaning people, or construction builders, basicly people who do the maintenance in everything around you, they are humans just like us, and therefore have to have their moments of rest and fun, but I often fail to imagine what they do. I've seen them sleeping among students, gossiping and in movies playing cards. And there they were, with the door of some sort of storage room, right next to ECA's restaurant, four uniformed working people, playing cards. Very fun, but I didn't stay long enough to discover what game were they playing, but I must say, I never thought I would actually see that ^^.

A Touch of Steel
I know... as a man it may seem strange that I say that I like to accessorize. But I find it somehow to be a part of me, maybe my medieval side, it just makes a natural sense inside of me to wear armor, weapon, rings, bracelets, necklaces and many other things. Most of my life I had something to wear besides my regular clothes, when I was little I had wristwatches, when I was more of a teen I wore a ring, and nowadays I go on wearing a necklace. I know how strange it may sound, but I kind of like the feel of steel against my body, it just seems natural to me.
Of course I don't wear just anything for the fun of it, like any warrior I choose my accessories carefully. Most of the time I either wear something because of the memory it carries or the beauty of it. My firts important accessory was a ring I bought it thinking of one of my best friends, she was very sweet, and the simple thought of her made me happy, I wore it for about four years almost non stop, I didn't like to take it off, but sometimes I had to like during handball games (and even so I sometimes managed to play wearing it). Eventually the memory of that girl was too heavy to be remembered every day. Now the ring is with her. Without any accessory I felt after some time that I had to get a new one, so I searched a bit. Eventually I came across a lightning shapped hematite necklace, it was a new treasure from which I drew energy to defend myself, to have more will and more concentration. I found some new rings, all just good looking, with no memory, but some were weak and broke with time, or were too loose and didn't fit well into my finger, so I mostly had the necklace. Some years ago I lost it at my sisters birthday party, the chain which held it broke and it feel somewhere in the grass I think. So once again I had no accessory, the ones I had I couldn't wear that much, and the few that I wanted I couldn't have, either because I didn't have the money to buy or because they didn't have a size that would fit me. You know, I feel more naked when I am without any accessory. Recently I felt the need to get some protection to myself, so I started to wear an old necklace, and eventually got the money to buy one necklace that I wanted for some time. And for some time I had a chain, simple steel covered by silver chain around my wrist, and the medalion on the necklace, but the lock of the chain broke (too much use of internal energy) and I am waiting to get another.
I believe that every material in the world holds some energy, and when I need I try to draw from that energy, but few materials seem to have enough energy for me to absorb. But whenever I need I turn to them, like these days, I have been using the energy in the steel/silver from the medalion, and in my worst days I use the Obsidian stone (one of the scorpio's sign stone) that my mother gave me along time ago, this stone is one of the three things I treasure most.
People often forget the energy of the things that surround them. I try to make the best out of it, and I think that I own many moments of peace, concentration and nights of sleep to their energy, may be just in my head, but to me it works.
I like to accessorize, in my own way, for my own reasons. I like the feel of steel. What do you like? Stones or metals? Which kind? Or do you prefer to be without accessories.

A Flashback
I hate this, once again I let my inner child take the chance... try once again to have some group fun. Why do I even bother? It is almost like I didn't knew what was going to happen.
I now stand, evading, there is something in front of me, something I don't want to look at, something I know what it is almost too well, something I ran away once after fighting to the ground. Now I have to find a way around it, or take a great turn a leave it behind once more. Before me is my past, it was more powerful than me before, and it will be again. After it is my future, or at least one future, to face my past in order to go to this future would take some major wounds, that could lead to a bad future.
You know, I feel sad, this is one of those things that shouldn't happen twice. But even when I try to avoid it, it comes after me, to break my spirit. Now in a relationship that is more complicated than I would imagine, with an old problem and fighting back the hope inside my heart, I can feel my sanity splitting. That feeling of let out, the feeling of confusion, love, friendships blinking, despair towards the college and at the same time the will to build some friendships, to persue a love I can't, to finish my RPG system and many ideas for my book sprouting everywhere. This from a mere glimpse at my past...
Once again I find my mind to be a whirlpool of thoughts, my body to be a vortex of clashing energies and my soul to be a boiling mixture of feelings.
I wish you would rise and take me away, make me laugh, put me on or lad and gently caress my hair saying that it will all be ok. I wish I could find a friendship solid enough for me to lean on. I wish to would stop, or at least my life... but nothing stops in this world.
I work softly behind every ones eye, I search for things that may bring happiness, and I succeed frequently. But I am yet to see something that will bring happiness to me.
May my name echoe in time, and lay beside yours.

A Good Demon
People fear what they find different. They outcast people who are not like them, surelly you know someone who has been outcast, maybe you yourself have outcast someone. I have been outcast since the day I was born. Demons are not accepted well into society. But my noble birth has tought me to be a good person, good in the way of helping other people, not causing trouble to them and trying to make them happy. But once again... how many people do that? So I once again am outcast for being nice?!
Humans are the reason I don't open myself anymore. Whenever I found a friend, a good person, which I actually felt happy near, something happens to come between. I tried to separate from my current daily group of friends, as they stopped treating me well(did they ever?), at first they didn't seem to mind, but a simple manifestation was enough to make me want them back, hang out more, rebuild the old friendships, but I still don't know what to make of it, will they ever want to be my friends? On the other side, the person who recently entered my life, who gently blew a gentle relieving wind, cause some confusion, trying to help me but without knowing what would actually help me. What bothered me more was not that she tried to help without asking me waht I wanted, I appreciate that a lot, but it bothers me that we have stopped talking, she started to avoid me sometimes.
So things have been a lot confusing. I have been trying to make this girl happy, but she seems to want to scare me away every time. I know deep down she is not what I want, and I won't be able to make her happy for too long, but I know this decision will bring bad consequences in the future, but I don't know how soon will this future be.
This is why being a good demon is so hard, people will rarely come near you, even after you make them happy and do things for them no one else will. Frustrating I tell you. But I keep my hopes up, I believe there is some justice in the world, and someday things will be good for me.
I just wanted my friends, like they were once my friends...
Someone out there wants a demon, a good demon as a friend?