One More Time

You gave me sweet things and flowers
You gave me a sky so blue
You gave me a rock to lean on
And I gave myself to you

We wander through each other's secrets
We traded an honored word
We shared a solemn promise
But like the raven's cry, it must be heard

Please don't take away your love dear
One mistake is not a crime
Let's start again, my love is yours dear
Your love is mine
One more time, one more time

You tell me a cold wind's a'comin'
A chill that turns a heart to stone
And your eyes say it's time to move on
Down a road you'd rather walk alone

Now pride is a raging river
You could fell the tallest tree
When some need the wings of forgiveness
And tame the stormy seas

Please don't take away your love dear
One mistake is not a crime
Let's start again, my love is yours dear
Your love is mine
One more time, one more time

You say that nothing is forever
Like the tide that comes in but doesn't stay
But our journey has taken up our lifetime
And what you give you just can't take away

I can't take away my love dear
One mistake is not a crime
Let's start again, my love is yours dear
Your love is mine
One more time, one more time

Change
It is a well known fact that humans are one of the most adaptive beings.
And as such, I have changed lots of concepts in my life during the last 8 years.
I remember that as a child I used to think that love was something weird, that kissing was a bizar thing to do. At the time I was confortable to say that I would never marry nor have kids. I made no acctual distinction between girls and boys. That would sound strange if I weren't 7 years old.
Latter I came to discover why people were so concerned with this love thing, even if it were a really strange situation, I felt that heart-pounding sensation, that unreasonable adrenaline rushing in my body, that second stretched through time as if it were an hour.
It was a new thing, interesting but not yet really needed, so my mind focused on this thing about existencialism, to come to a conclusion of that what a longed for. In the next few years I came fond of a of a more complex relationship, one of mutual caring. This feeling of being taken care, or watching over for someone's happyness, I felt peace in the arms of some girls. This also was new.
After some many different experiences I face now the greatest change in my life, as a human I am expected to change, but I never wanted to come to this situation. Now I lack a piece of my soul, this love thing that I still don't really know what is, I once thought it was useless, unimportant, now I find it strong enough to render me weak and sad, with no strengh to raise and fight.
Today I still think that I will not marry or have children, but now it is not because I want that way, it is more of a fear, a sight of the future, but I think I will have no choice in this matter.
I have this void, I fear it will never be filled, and the pain my soul bears is greater taen I could ever have expected, now I am nothing but a child crying from its fears.
I don't want to die without ever being loved back,
I don't want to die alone,
I don't want to die...

Trust
As the only living beings who claim that has a highly developed society, trust should be something very important to human kind.
As humans insist to show, there are too much people who can't be trusted, people who will betray you for the most idiotic reasons, people who will backstab any friend for personal benefit, people who will blackmail family to get power or money, and people who will simply take joy out of others misery.
Because humans have low rate of being dependable, it is often to hear someone say things like this, "Don't trust anyone!", and also find those who assume that everyone they meet is a bad(not trustable) person.
I still believe thet this is one of the worst problems in our society. Having no one to trust makes life much harder than it ever should be. I am one of those who believe that most people can be trusted to a certain point, and that people should not be pre-judged.
But maybe I am wrong. Maybe there is no one I can really count on, no one will hear my pain and treat me well, no one that would take an effort for other people and no one innocent enough to trust me.
I perfer to believe that there are people out there that can be trusted, and those people work in silence to make their friends' life better, and that is the only reason why our society structure doesn't fall apart, that there is some hope in human kind.
I hope I can find a trusting peace in someones arms.

A Dream
She which plagues my dreams, comes and goes as she pleases.
I may never get to really know her, but just thinking of her makes me smile.
She is the negative and the positive united in perfect harmony.
She never worries about unimportant things, and she will never stress about something important, she will always make you believe that everything will work out just perfect.
She will go out even if you don't want to get out, but she will smile at you when she invites you, and before you know it will be too late to refuse, and she will show you a good time you weren't expecting.
She will always know many things you don't, but you will know things she does not, and she will believe every word you say to her.
She may be very mature, she will take care of so many things you will not be able to keep track, and even so she will come quietly near you, look into your eyes with those gleaming eyes, and say: "I am cold, give me a hug!", and you will get a bigger chair so she can sit with you until she sleeps in your arms with the same peace of a baby.
She will come when you least expect and slap you butt, say you are getting fat, just to see the look on your face, and she will never do that again, but she will to something different and strange when you least expect.
Even if you won't go with her to all the places, she will always be there with you when you need, when you just want to share a moment with her and specially when you weren't expecting she will show up with a picnic basket and follow you around.
She will be interested in what you do, like a curious child, even if she doesn't like what you do.
You will spend so much time together, you will never miss her, or need to call each other, and no matter what, you know you will see her again.
You will see that even if you manage to spend twelve hours with her without any actual conversation, she will drag you away from the mob, even if that means she will yell at your boss, just to talk to you when you are in the need to talk.
You will never worry about her while she is happy, but the moment she stops smiling you will know, even if you are miles apart.
She will come to you to pour her heart, but you will never hear her say anything bad from anyone.
She will never complain about her hair or how she is fifteen grams over weight, but one day she will storm out yelling at everyone just because someone ate the last cookie, you will remember taking that cookie as she stomps on the ground and looks at you with the only fury in her eyes, and then she will just smile and say:"Oh well, I am going to buy some more cookies, do you want something?", and smile and leave just as if nothing ever happened.
She will never be demanding, she won't cry because her clothes are different shades of pink, because there is no milk in the fridge or because she just didn't get what she wants, but she will always have strong opinions. She will do what makes her happy at the moment, she will wear pink because she wants, even if going to a law school. She won't do anything she dislikes just because someone says it is better.
She will sometimes disagree with you, but if you don't end up agreeing with her or vice-versa, she will smile and respect you wishes and opinions, she will help you even if she thinks it is wrong, and will always hope that makes you happy, because at least that will make everything worth and meaningful.
You will see her smiling with no reason, just to discover that she saw a dog chasing a butterfly.
By her side you will learn that everything and everyone has a good side. She will try to see all points of view, she will agree with the one that makes her feel better, but she will never fail to understand your side, respect it and support you however she can.
She will stop staring at an outdoor, and tell you what that reminds her, or some curious fact about her life or that outdoor.
She will hold your hand, drag you to the beach, she will introduce you to so many people you will lose count, but even is she know half of the world, she will give you all her attention.
She is so independent, so self-sufficient, she will never need someone by her side, but she will always want you by her side every time possible, just because she enjoys your company. If you offer help she will accept even if she needs no help, even if it is the only excuse for you to be together at that moment.
You will play games and roll through the grass, time will fly but you will always feel like it was worth to spend every second with her.
She will know all your friends, they will get along very well. You will know her friends, and you will like them. But no matter what, you will always know that what you have is more special than you could have wished for.
Your heart will find a heavenly peace when you are near her, even if she is not talking to you. You will feel like a better person because how she looks at you.
She will make you blush in public every time possible, and smile at you while doing so, and you will blush proudly because that smile is for you.
You will try to make her happy every second possible, and you will know she deserves, she will never ask of you anything more because of this, and even if you screw up big time and end up hurting her, she will just smile and say it is ok, she will tell you she knows you didn't mean to hurt her, and you will feel sorry because you were bad enough to hurt that smile.
She will bring your life to a complete chaos and disorder, but you would never have had a happier life other way, and in the end you will see that chaos resulting in a way better than you would have expected.
You will be thankful for having her in your life, and she will be simply happy because you are happy.
You will grab her off the ground and take her to places that you never taken anyone else, and she will say, while gazing at the beautiful place, that you should have brought her there before, so you could have spent more time there together.
She will never leave you.
She will be at your wedding.
You will be at hers.
And when you have any doubt you will remember that everything you have to endure, each deception, each pain and each energy spent for others is worth because at the end of the day you have someone that most people won't have.
She will make it all worth.
And you will be happy.
As she will to.
I just wish I knew her real name...^^

I have been thinking...
How far are we from the Ideal Plane?
As is known by most that every reference you use is just a way to call something from the Ideal World that does not existe here, but it represents a concept we all understand. (Like the basic example of the chair, the one you imagine is diferent than mine, but has the same concept as mine.)
I said today, "It's strange how things never go by the idealistic way.", that sentence got me thinking about the ideal results of an effort. I never had an Ideal Result, but I think I have seen others have Ideal Results, I may be wrong, but assuming I am right this time, I started to believe that we are not far from obtaining Ideal Results.
So what is keeping most people to reach those results?
I could only imagine people are just not trying to reach out so far, it would require more work than they want. People are actually willing to sacrifice a better result out of being laizy!!!
As I said before, people are just too confortable the way they live because it is easier to live with what you have than what you REALLY want. (Those iginorant bastards.) But fair is fair, if they want that way good for them, bad for those who want the best... as we know the result of many many little flaws can escalonate into a catastrophe.
It's frustating to know that to reach a nice result I will have to work because people are once again too much self centered to help, or give support.
Even if I am complaining, I have to recognize that each person has it's own problems, and mayba they can't help, so it is unfair to expect that every has to help. But I will admit that I know a fair amount of people who are really(or so they say) happy! My dilemma stands, should I leave and let them be happy and risk my whole life in one twist to the future, or should I fight for an Ideal Result that may change many lives?
I do belive that ignorance is a blessing, but until what point should I let others, specially my friends be blinded that way?
I just hope I can find a way to enlighten everyone without making anyone less happy, and find that way soon.

Eu volto minha mente para o passado, após ver alguns textos, lembrar de algumas falas, e observar o rumo atual do meu espírito...
Sinto saudades daquelas épocas que eu passava um tempo gostoso conversando com as minhas amigas. Olhando bem... eu nunca passei muito tempo conversando com as pessoas, pelo menos não como eu gostaria. Tive meus dias que eu carrego na memória onde eu passei toda a tarde, ou toda a noite conversando. Mas a época boa se foi, aqueles que estavam sempre do meu lado agora se preocupam demais com coisas pessoais. Eu me sinto cada vez mais afastado daquilo que eu queria, abrindo mão de um lado, de outro, e adaptando o resto aos estados emocionais.
Me falta conversas pessoais, sem tempo pra parar ou pessoas pra interromper.
Me falta... tanta coisa, coisas derivadas de uma mesma coisa. Cada um ve as coisas que falta na sua vida, seja motivação, objetivo, amor, amigos, família. Considero no entanto injusto que algumas pessoas reclamem, consideraria injusto eu reclamar não fosse o meu ponto de vista, tem pessoas que se dizem ter tudo de importante, dizem estar plenamente felizes, e justo pessoas assim são as que tendem mais a só ligar pro mundo delas. Como as pessoas podem se auto centrar tanto?
Claro, de um ponto de vista eu devo ser o auto centrado, fico aqui reclamando porque eu não tenho aquilo que eu quero. O que me consola é que eu estou sempre preocupado com o bem estar dos outros.
Talvez tenha chegado a hora de eu me calar. Minha voz expressa apenas dor, não trago assim coisas boas para os outros, melhor então que se faça o silêncio. Não sei quando vou postar aqui denovo.
Se no mundo eu me calar será que alguem perceberia, deixar que os outros levem a vida como eles quiserem, um dia espero poder realizar alguma vontade minha, nem que seja descansar em paz pra sempre...