"The Summon"
I know I have failed to attend a friend in need.
Though I never failed to come to you.
In my life I wished to be always there when you needed.
I would like you to be there for me.
Be there when I am happy, because you are a part of me.
Be there when I am sad, because I like your company.
Be there when I call, because no one else will be.
Be there now, because you should be in my destiny.
This time I only whisper,
soon I will shout your name.
If you can, come, I promise I´ll try to make you happy.
And if you make me happy again, I will sing melodies of life,
just to make you smile.
And if you sing to me, I will place my eyes on you, to admire your voice.
I miss you by my side.
Life is so dull, you were a star shinning over the dark clouds.
May you light the lives of other people, just remember me once in a while...

"Window"
'In the search for peace, you visit many places, and get to know new people...
Then you come to this quiet place, where you stand looking over the window as outside there is nothing but rain.
But then you see, over the soothing sound of the rain on the ground, you see a pure and brute soul. Like the children that plays in the rain, happy with no reason.
You wonder if what you see is real, why would it be outside in the rain, with its gentle glow, is light triumphs over the dark clouds in the sky.
It was not there a momment ago, or maybe you just didn't pay attention.
You contemplate that image, wondering if the quiet peace would be disturbed by this new force.
Aprozing the window you can see more clearly. The image triggers memories, most of them good, but these memories steal you away from the quiet peace.
As you refocus, you realize that the glow is near your window, staring right into you eyes. As you look in awe at it, you imagine if you should say something, or if it gets what is in your mind. You ask your self how does this soul survive in the world, and how long will it stay like that before it vanishes in the dark.
You want to go out and reach for it, but you know you would cause more pain in doing so, than you would bring happiness.
You draw a spiral in the window with your finger, and from outside your finger is followed by a glowing trace, over your drawing.
The glowing shape burns in your soul as you fade into the dark, to be lost in Oblivion, but know that the spiral in the window will remais there forever as the symbol of the purest soul roaming this world.
And every one that looks into the shape can feel the peace left by her heart, and wonders if it will ever be another spiral.'
~ To you if you were to have this glow, your peace cannot be replaced, and it will be missed... ~

I once swore to fight for justice, friendship and love.
I always thought that I would have the energy to keep on fighting.
Keep on fighting...
No matter what obstacle you overcome, there will always be Still More Fighting.
So renewal of energy is very important.
To lack a source of energy is hard path to follow, but not one you could choose.
So if in need of a source, and your options have ended, you can always look back.
And ask yourself why...
Why an all Nine Hells?
Why did you even start fighting?
And if you remember...
And if you look around you...
Then maybe... just maybe...
You will see, closer than you think, the reasons you once had to fight.
And if your heart was true, and remained uncorrupted.
You will raise again to fight.
So now I would like to renew my old vows.
For those who fight the same fight as me...
For those whose kindness brought happiness to many lives...
For those who suffered in silence for the sake of others...
For those whose will and determination serve as inspirations to others...
For some people to whom I own my life...
For Sakura...
For Rosette..
For Tia...
May you serve as inspiration to me, as I once again raise to fight.
I swear to keep fighting for Friendship, Justice and Love!

Lost...
What is this feeling?
My mind must not be here. I know it because I have no idea of how I feel!
This must be anger. Or deception. Mostly oblivion.
Why do I feel like this?
I am so confused...
I need to rest. I need good companie.
I wish for peace.
I just can hope that the sound of the rain outside the house, brings me a good night rest, and calms my spirit.

Déja Vu
This expression that describes something so strange and yet there is no better way to describe it.
As I came to the highest point of the cliff, I find myself with this strange sensation. Like I have been here before.
This wind that calls me. This call I hear, is also one I fear, and hope to be the last, as I´ve heard it in the past.
This is like the same wind that blew through me so many years ago. Even if the place is different, and the reazon it calls is another, the melody in the wind is the same.
The wind brings to my memory the hopes I once had, reminds me of the important things. Why I fight.....
this fragments of my memory makes me want to rise in flames and fight like my love depended on it, fight with life and death by my side.
Fragments of soul, they carry an enormous power to restore will. But as fragments they are not complete, they lack one thing. This thing that I had with me the last time... this did not come back with the wind.
This, and only this... the difference between the past and the present, is somehow the most important thing. I miss it dearly, and hope every day that I will regain this thing.
Life is fight... but every fight has to have a purpose.

~ The Adventurer Chronicle 16 ~
"...so my master started to explain about the way´s to evolve. He said that most people only evolve when needed, but they did evolve quite fast, of course on the downside they didn't always evolve enough to overcome their challenge. Some people search for challenges to overcome and become stronger little by little. There is a really good point of this way of evolving, because the challenge is only momentary, which means that when you overcome it you will be stronger and with no challenge. That is why there are many people who constantly train in this world. There is one way similar to that but with a very big downside, that is when you have a constant problem which you can't overcome, you can only survive it's tests. That way, if you survive, you get stronger each time you pass another test, and evolve actually fast, but there is one problem with that one, as because you are constantly under a challenge, most of your energy is focused into it, leaving little energy for the rest of your life. If you do not overcome sometime your challenge you are never going to be stronger, at least not relatively. So the option..."
~ End of Part 16 ~

I came to a point in my life.
Here where I stand now makes me see so many things.
I see names, I see messages, I see probabilities, but I miss seeing possibilities.
I fear for my friendships...
I am confused, I do not know what to do, who to talk, what battles to fight.
I want to tell some people that they are hurting me.
I want to ask them to be my friends and try to help me.
But the more I see the things surrounding me, the more I fear to make a move.
I just want to leave this message to say that I love my friends, and I hope not to see any of them fade away in my life with no reason...
I hope we can leave in peace.
Until Time gives me time.

It is impressive how even little things, if in great numbers, can afect you as much as the Big Bad Thing.
I came to an dead end once again. I lost all my power and can no longer take it. Being with them has become too much exausting.
So I didn´t go today to college in order to rest my soul. Even if being alone won´t help, it still beats having to see them glued to each other every second.
Please, if any Guardian is hearing me, please give me power, give me peace, at least give me something so I can have a normal life.........

I feel so alone...
Searching through the dark I find my close friends not close enough or just not helpful. I am sorry if I fail with my obligations as a friend.
If I had any Strength left I would help every one.
But I loosing a friend and seeing my life colapse around me is taking a toll much greater then expected.
I miss doing fun stuff with you. I miss going to the movies with you. I miss playing games with you.
I just hope to have a chance to be a part of your life again.
I will try to find strength in my friends, in my studies. But you could help so much and you have no idea...

~ The Adventurer Chronicle 15 ~
"...she looked into my eyes and asked:
- Why are you here?
- I came here because I want you by my side.
after a gentle smile she spoke again.
- You look troubled, is there something wrong?
- As you must know by now, the world is in grave danger.
- Yes I know...
- So I set out on a journey to save the world. But after all I have seen, after the enemys I´ve faced, I now find this task impossible for me to do.
- Then why are you here, I is not like I can save the world in you place.
- I came here because I feel in the middle of a storm, and I need somewhere I can rest and calm myself. I need to recover my faith in me, in the world. So I came here to be by your side, to see your smile. You can´t imagine how good it feels to stand by your side and feel this peace. And last I came here to se if you would like to go with me to save the world, so that I will have peace wherever I go.
her eyes were shinning as if she had tears in her eyes. Then she came near to me placed her arms around my body and held me strong near to her in the warmest hug she had ever given me. The relief that came over me almost put my soul to sleep as if she was in so much peace she could finally rest. After some time like this she start to whisper into my ears..."
~ End of Part 15 ~

Ok... vou apenas justificar por que eu não tenho postado aqui mais...
Eu não ando bem. Não aguento mais a dor. Tanta coisa acumulada...
Se eu encontrar um momento de paz, um esboço de carinho ou um toque de amor eu volto a postar aqui...
até a próxima.
Thomas

~ The Adventurer Chronicle 14 ~
"...after some time I began to wonder if there was a point to persue a goal you can't reach.
I asked myself if I should keep fighting even knowing that there was no way I could win, or better, I would need a real miracle to win. There was nothing I could do to make a difference, so why should I keep killing my soul in vain. I wandered for days without aim, just going where the wind blew me. Until I ended up discovering that the real purpose of this fight was not for me to win, it was just to make the world different, so that someone who can win would actually step up for the fight. So I kept fighting until now, only hoping that I could change the outcome of the war even if I do not win.
I never cared much about getting myself killed. But now I just fear that I could die with never feeling..."
~ End of Part 14 ~

I must say.... happiness is a really strange thing...
I was feeling normal, almost happy with no reason...
I was even trying to help a friend...
But why? Why this sudden change of mood? Is it just jealousy?
No it can´t be... jealousy does not hurt like this...
Envy? Maybe...
But I actually imagine this is the pain of loosing a friend. I feel stolen, abandoned... oh Hell.
I am lost...

It is impressive...
I always said that Time if too much could destroy anything.
After seeing a massacre I thought that my heart would be so deeply wounded that all the love I had would have vanished.
But now I know.
Even after all I have passed I still have old feelings left. They weren´t destroyed, though they were really weakened, they still exist..... and that calms me....
There may be hope in the horizon.... maybe not in the future, but in the past...

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
I have been to many places, I have seen a great deal of suffering, I have heard of people killing themselves just because of little things.
But in all my life I have never seen anyone be so tormented by a pain like I am.
Why can´t I have just a little bit of peace? Why the pain goes on? Is this the feeling of loosing your soul, or just the feeling of loosing someone too important?
This is a battle I fear I cannot win... so what option do I have?
I have to wait, even if I don´t want to. I just hope my life changes quickly.
To all of those who survived true pain and now are happy, I hope I become one of you.
To all who never felt true pain, I hope that none of you ever feel this.
And to all who have a friend in true pain, for all sixteen gods, help your friends! I don´t know how you should do that, but this is a battle most can´t survive without friends, so please be the friends they need and give them a better day, a better life.
If I had a wish, I would probably wish that my friends would never have to undergo such pain, that they should have a happy life. I just fear that I won´t be there when they are happy.
To the next generation of fighters I would like to share my wisdom, and for now goes just an advice... make your friends happy. They deserve...
The chilly winds of the south caves of the Ninth Circle of Hell are calling me...
Farewell... happiness to all who deserve....

~ The Adventurer Chronicle 13 ~
"...I think it is fair. Once a year I travel to the Valley of Atonement, where I go deep into the Cave of Grudge, where the mysts that fill the cave bring to your soul the pain and resentment you have brought upon the living creatures of the world. You feel all the grudge that everyone has for you, and the mysts are so thick and confusing that you can only leave the cave once you reached peace with the grudge you are feeling.
This ritual gives you a chance to feel what other people feel for you, and so you take the responsability for all the pain you have caused. I feel it is only fair that each person should feel the pain they bring upon others, and I do my part to keep the justice of my words. That is why I think I am entitled to cause such a great pain to those who deserve..."
~ End of Part 13 ~

In this life we come upon situations very hard...
some of them we are not meant to face, some are battles we should fight alone and some are the battles we fight with our friends because we can´t do it alone.
Well, whenever you can fight, things go easy, because no matter how hard the task is, or how harsh is the war, if you can rise and fight, with either your pure courage, or the strength of your friends, you can end up victorious, and it is mostly up to you. This is good, even if normally you can´t see it.
But when you can do nothing, when you feel like an ant in the hands of a cruel kid, when your most drastic actions can only bring up your own demise, that is where the real pain lies. It is the pain that only your soul can feel, it is that wich alone can destroy you body and make you insane. The better chance you have is to unload all pain from time to time, and you will find a way you would never imagine...
I discovered that no matter how much my heart is hurting, no matter how much blood my soul may have dropped, that I still can lose my mind in a full-study afternoon. It is enough to relax your mind for some hours, to make the pain stop for a bit so that your wounds may heal at last. This time may seem very little compared to the time you suffered, but it is very good to give a break to your soul and spend the energy of your mind, or you body, therefore this little time can seem like an eternal moment of peace... for some time, even if just a couple of minutes your soul was at peace, a peace you would think had been lost forever.
Give your soul a break once in a while, it deserves to rest to.

Everybody's Free
(to wear sunscreen)
Mary Schmich
Chicago Tribune

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97... wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now...
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are NOT as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen..."

Some of the wisest words I have ever heard in my whole life...

~ The Fellings of Blood ~
As I walk now I try to clean the blood in my pure feelings and keep them safe from all this bloodshed. I know my path will take from me more and more blood, but at least I can try to preserve what I feel, for these feelings deserve to stay untainted. The blood may corrupt them in time so now they are isolated from the world so that I can live without fear that my blood may destroy such a beautiful feeling....
What is worth to preserve I was asked, and as much as I wanted to answer, I couldn´t do it because there is no way to describe it. But now I have one way to pass a close idea to what I feel. It is worth fighting, to die for, if you know that feeling makes you suffer and brings you pain and even so you recognize the beauty of it.
I may have no concrete idea of what I feel, but still I know it is wonderful, and I will keep it pure as it deserves, even if I have to suffer for that...

Ok.... foi-se o feriado, não fiz nada das minhas obrigações...
Me sinto envergonhado.... porém, em minha defesa eu naum tive condições de fazer nada. Nos dias que naum teve gente aqui eu fiquei passando mal e agonizando sozinho, e quando teve gente eu fiquei vendo filme, jogando RPG, ou UT... agora q as coisas estão voltando ao normal espero conseguir cumprir com minhas obrigações...
Bem a vida segue, sem o apoio necessário, mas com força vinda do fundo da alma...
*Usando bateria de emergência*
oh well....
and so we go on... Never Giving Up on Our Instincts....