See... no? Then feel.

He skipped a heart beat.
one less breath taken.
He then felt forsaken
looking from a far away seat.

Life meant even less.
Failure seemed eminent.
Faded the glow of the bless.
No fun, or entertainment.

Her face from the past.
Emerged perfect, delicate.
Oh the wish to meet her fast.
Wasn't enough to medicate.

He needed more time,
or maybe just a rhyme,
for his friends to atone,
to find happiness alone.

Desperate and weak,
no will or reason to live.
Into the night to seek,
the end to get relief.

Perception
- What?!!! I am overreacting?
- Yes.
- Then think about what happens when someone YOU like as you out, how do you reply? Now think about the same situation, but your friends are asking you out. Now tell me... what the hell does it mean when you refuse any invitation to go out with someone?
- But...
- To me the message is clear. In the end it doesn't matter what you say, but what you do... now get away from me.

Humans & Laws
Is everything a direct consequence of being a sapient being?
Any species with self-awareness, the ability to communicate and retain knowledge will eventually form a society. And as a consequence will eventually create laws to protect people?
I'd like to say, "Hey, laws are great, they serve the purpose of maintaining order.", but I can't lie like that. Having laws mean nothing for society without a better judgment and well enforced application of the law. But none of those reflect our world.
We live in different, but world sharing, societies. This leads to conflicts in beliefs and interests. While one land enforces her practices over others, other nations cast a shadowy look of disapproval, while at the same time, doing little to enforce their own beliefs.
Of course, if everyone tried to push their believes over others, wars would never cease. But technically laws are there to avoid this... avoid abusive power over others, not wars. Wars as a abstract confrontation with or without violence is unavoidable, but we can prevent large scale conflicts using common laws that should go through out our race, not our lands.
The problem with everything is that few places really enforce their laws, leading to corruption, because in the end, when pushed against the wall, 99,999999% of all living beings will only look for their own interests, (being of course in case of most animals, their own life).
While we can pretend there are places where laws are actually enforced, there is still the problem of whether the laws make sense. Because, no one will agree to ALL laws they are faced with in the land they live. We vary so much in opinion that we can't simply find a common ground. And there are still people who will say that no matter your opinion, the laws are there for the BEST of people's interest in mind. Like there could exist such a thing as the best of people's interest. Law systems are plainly flawed, and we don't care because we don't feel the obligation to abide by them, unless under direct supervision by someone who will enforce the law up our sorry asses.
In case you are wondering, if you have more than a certain age (let's say 20 years old), you most surely have already broken AT LEAST one law. Haven't you played a game forbidden to your age? Downloaded an mp3 you had no right to download? Have you ever looked deeply into your traffic laws, because I'm sure there are infinite stupid things to break the law there.
Laws represent something good, but in our world, it has become a 18000 headed monster. Ever looked into, say a microwave, and seen a warning, DO NOT PUT ANIMALS IN THE MICROWAVE? Well, what leads to such a warning? The fucking law actually is on the side of people without any common sense (this is a really bad expression in the english language, is means "sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts", but this is something that the common person DOES NOT HAVE. In Brazil we use the directly translated Good Sense.). Back to the subject, the law grants people who do stupid things the preference over people that used "good sense". Manuals all over are filled with stupid sentences, that simply defy all logic, to protect companies from people ill intended.
This way we end up with lots of laws that seem stupid.
Recently I hear the new snow patch on the snowball. Somewhere (I didn't get the place, but it seemed that is was either US or UK) they are trying (or actually did, I'm still not certain) to create a law prohibiting the possession of a kind of pornography. Of course, this came from a desperate parent, who lost a child to some weird lunatic and had nothing better to do than find some reason to explain why someone killed his child and found this sort of porn as an excuse.
You all recall that fucking kid that grabbed some guns and fire inside a movie theater, and because he had played shooting games, people believed that the cause for his actions was rooted in the violent games. Oh COME ON, stupid shrinks!!!!! This was a minor set back for the industry. And in the very same way, this will ripple badly through porn industry, and affect many innocent people.
What I find flawed is that while there was a peaceful existence with things that are now illegal (example, the kind of porn) for many years. Upon ONE incident, (or statistically a very low number of incidents), they feel that disturbing the lives of many, because of one persons fault, is justified by "avenging" an angry parent.
A death of a dear one is always tragic, but taking it out on people who had nothing to do with it is just wrong.
Here the legend goes that RPG were prohibited some years in the past because a crazy vampire player actually KILLED a girl during one of his sessions.
Yet they believe that playing video games, rpg and watching porn is something bad, or that can lead to violent behaviors. That all considering that television news are more than packed with violence, and death. And with some countries waging wars with terrorism as an excuse.
People don't understand that the laws should keep humans from interfering with other people's lives in a bad manner, but instead most laws just fuck up most innocent people, because some delinquent had not the control over his temper. The guy is never a crazy serial killer, noooo, he always had an abusive parent, or painful childhood. Newsflash, many people have those, and very few manifest those scars in such a bad manner. People so like to believe that humans are plainly good and that things corrupt them, but no one is born good or evil, we are all born with both inside of us. (We shall ignore for the sake of argument that there is NO such thing as good or evil)
Whenever you make a decision, simply do the right thing. Think how your action will affect others, if it may cause pain to someone, then don't do it (with personal exceptions, you should not sacrifice yourself for someone else's sake, unless you want to).

Laziness & Short Attention Span
Ahhh the chance to choose whether to go, or not, see a class. A dream come true. But yet, a nightmare in practice. At least to me.
Nothing like battling against your bed in winter. To bad I lose frequently.
In my defense I tell myself that I'm doing a rather exhaustive weekly schedule, considering work, college, and learning a new language.
So, I'll see if I can survive this easy, but completely full semester, and as soon as it ends, I'll get some free time.
But then again, if I don't program myself, free time becomes useless, I'll just skip it, and I don't want that.
So here are my future plans, for as soon as I graduate from college.
Once a week, dedicate my afternoon to honing my skills with 3D modeling. Probably I should learn how to use blender, but at first I'll keep on with 3DStudioMax.
Once a week, dedicate my afternoon to programming the grand system. This should be more than natural to me ^^. But I must apply myself not to lose too much time doing stupid things.
Once a week, go see a movie. At least once a week. With or without friends, this probably could be substituted by a night out with friends.
Once a week, seriously prepare for the next rpg session. Spend hours planning ahead of the group, generating stores, designing dungeons (this could be allied to the 3D modeling project), creating monsters and NPCs. Or even working on tools to help this creation (allied to the grand system).
Well, friday I should play rpg, which would basically take another day off my schedule, but then again, I can dilute things around and find the time to do this. Once a week, spend time working on my book, so it can finally go on.
Well, if I find the time, I'd like to finish some pending books. And manga, and Anime.
Play video game on spare time.
And that should be that.
I'll try to keep up that in the future, and of course try to post here more frequently.

The art of Game Music
Being an avid fan of video games, part of the whole experience comes from the music.
I've posted many songs here that really meant something to me. But as this place is limited to words, I've put only songs that had lyrics. At best I may have mentioned some songs that had no vocal at all (like Destati - Dive into the heart, that has a chorus, but no lyrics).
When video games began, little audio could be produced by them, having limited audio channels it was difficult to create a melody. But even so, that did not keep the major artists from achieving immortality. Mario, Sonic, Zelda and many other games whose music will live on for many years to come if not forever. Latter, video games achieved more audio channels allowing better songs and sound effects. This now represents musics that were award winning, and seemed more like something out of an orchestra. Now a days we can put mp3 into games, so we can produce any kind of songs we desire.
One thing that is interesting to observe about the general public. They will listen to rock, samba, jazz, swing, pop, black and even funk. But show them a song that is from a game, and they will criticize like hell. But recently I heard this new cd from a radio station that my friend got as a gift. If you took the lyrics out, that song was left with a two instruments beat, with no more creativity than the worse songs in video games. What made those songs top hits? Their lyrics.
Sure, lyrics are important, but not essential. Therein lies the beauty of video game soundtracks. The skill it takes to put emotion into a scene, or a moment, without using words, is as great as creating a historical melody. Doing so with limited tools, is worthy of recognition.
It requires this artistic mind to see the art within songs without lyrics. I love this band, Rhapsody, and in most of their CDs they put some songs with no lyrics. The ones with lyrics represent great progressive rock songs, but the ones without are the ones that set you into this medieval ambient. Same goes with games, a song without words, is no less artistic than one with, but it surely has to have a great artist behind to pass such vivid sensations without describing them.
I feel bad for the composers, both kinds, but specially the ones that compose for video game, since they'll be less credited for their creations. I believe they don't care, they sure shouldn't worry what the world thinks of them, but I'm greatly thankful for all the heart they put into their creations, for I believe they give much more emotion than most top hit songs.
I believe they are true artist, some of the greatest there ever were, and their names should not be forgotten.
People should learn to appreciate more types of art, or at least respect the others.

~ The Adventurer Chronicle 26 ~
"... metal rang upon impact. The force was unexpectedly strong. Not only strong but fast enough to connect against such precise dodge movement. The sword flew across the room, hitting awkwardly the wall. He stopped on a pillar half the way to the wall, and fell to the ground.
"Falling into a trap is one thing, being out bested by it is another thing." - he thought trying to regain his breath.
Many meters away, the others seemed to be in the same kind of trouble. Cid's lance barely scratched the foe's armor, while Selina's spells seemed more than effective, she could not get the break to cast them.
The metal arm swung wide, and Cid jumped high into the air just barely avoiding it. That did not stop the construct from attacking, throwing some of the knives it had for long distance strikes. Airborne creatures tend to have difficulty avoiding attacks, of course, that does change is you have wind on your side. Cid deflected some of the projectiles with his lance, and using wind blades he threw the rest out of the way, while he dove to strike.
He trusted the lance forward, aiming for the chest, but the metal arm intercepted the blow. Of course, this kind of attack is usually strong enough to break most defenses, in this case you and up with a construct with a spear lodged into his right arm. That makes a gentle twist of the arms throw Cid far away, without his lance.
Selina kept dodging and parrying around, but each parry threw her back some meters and were quite exhausting, considering mages have very little endurance.
Every time she used her powers to teleport away from the golem it just charged for her, throwing its knives whenever she tried to cast something.
She managed to cast a tremor spell, throwing the creature of its balance.
They say, whenever something major is about to happen, or when something important is about to suffer, the great warriors take a really deep breath instinctively and calmly look around, and see in a slow motion like experience, all the little things falling into place leading to that significant event.
She took that deep breath. Cid landed on his hands and feet gliding a few meters away. His enemy charged right past her going to face her unarmed friend, but what caught her sight, right in front of her, past the trembling golem, Maelstron in the floor, trying to get up, and the golem, swinging a sword right at him. As she sprung forth, building up energy, her body yelled "Nooooo!!!!!" against her will. She had to get past the first golem, but she was too close to do this safely, and yet she did not stop. She whispered to herself softly "Dimensional Portal" as the new image in front of her projected the the area in front of the pillar where Maelstron was, facing the golem, she ran as fast as she could, but the golem who had just recovered his ground did not wait mercifully for her, it trusted the not so thin piece of metal he called sword forward in her direction, the blade barely made it through the portal where she disappeared, but the blade was covered in blood.
Space, being opposite to Time, does not provide the most helpful hand when going from one place to another in an instant of time. But she needed more time or she would just get there to be hacked in two. She needed time to pull a barrier of some sort. "But how?" she asked herself trying to focus through the pain. Good thing about pain, it often leads to rage, and that can be the source of much greater power. The amulet. He had given it to her for a reason, the shield shaped, with a feather like pattern amulet she wore so dearly around her neck.
On the other side of the portal, Maelstron was still confused about the bashing, he thought he felt a burst of energy, he thought he heard someone yell "Grand Shield", but what brought him to his senses was the drop of blood that hit his cheek. He looked upward, his eyes opened wide, his pupils dilated, and as he gasped deeply he held his breath in fear.
The golem held its sword firmly pushing downward, a bright blue light emerged from the wing shaped shield that manifested in its way, holding the sword still. Behind the shield, the soft and gentle face from Selina, showed off more anger and pain that he had ever seen in her, she held one arms straight forward projecting the shield, and the other trembled as she held the pendant. Beneath the trebling left arm her waist was bleeding fast, through this wound that seemed to have cut her half way through. Her cloak and robes were completely red on the left side, and were dripping from every corner.
He wanted to yell "No!", but his body did not respond. The shocking sight brought up memories. In the slow paced scene that he so helplessly observed, he thought of an infinite number of situations, of how he could have avoided this, on how it all began.
He thought of drawing that sword. But his instincts held him back. Bow, pistols, daggers. He had nothing that was more powerful than his sword. His mentor used to say, "Your weapons, are not your source of power, but you are the source of power of your weapons. They can be of help, but eventually it all comes down to how you use them, and how powerful you are.".
He was not strong, but was considerably fast. But much more importantly, he had learned how to use his own power very well. He..."
~ End of Part 26 ~

NO
No car
No sound
No money
No love
No company
No knowledge
(No items, Fox only, final destination)
No conversation
Nothing important
No time (ha!!! like anyone has)
No will
No

We use this word too much. Of course we only feel it is effect when we stop do think about it, but no is a very strong word. It represents the contradiction, the denial of one's wish. It binds every time a bit more as one hears it.
This is a sad word.
I'd like to stop using it.

Infection and Thoughts
This past week I've had a stomach infection. I don't know the source of the problem.
It's been many more years than I care to remember since I last had something of this magnitude.
Somethings turn in a weird fashion.
One would expect that with this sort of infection, one would layoff some foods and drinks that are usually considered unhealthy, while focusing on healthy things.
Instead, some of the most natural and healthy things I eat dropped right of the selection, while one of the most common things I drink, which is not healthy, and some junk food like things I often have, were actually recommended.
This serves more as a reminder that no matter what seems logical, or expected, someone out there will still do their best to surprise you.
Of course, not going to work or college, and even sacrificing social events, all to heal one's body, leads to a lot a excess time.
I did sleep my share. And tried to do somethings more productive. In the end, I mainly skipped through the week.
Saw some anime. Read some manga. Watched TV.
But my mind will not skip time, and nor will my heart sleep through the ages.
So I did spend some time thinking about many things.
I really want to post more often here, but this semester is going to be very hard, and it barely started.
But on one notice, I'll try to follow the steps of Mary Schmich on her publication in the Chicago Tribune, and try to put wisdom into words. Maybe I can find the words fo move in the same way.

A Break Within the Storm
Rain fell heavily. Roads went wet, but not flooded, good for anyone passing through it.
The air got colder, maybe a good change from those hot days.
Clouds formed from everywhere, each one darker than the previous one. Flashes on lighting tore the sky into fragments of an already chaotic image.
Winds were strong. But not constant, they shifted from side to side, making the rain dance by it's will. Only lightning seemed to not care about wind. Even the sound of lightning got mixed up with the roaring wind.
Swirling figures in the sky, twisting and twirling with the nearly black clouds, brought only turmoil to the scene.
One could guess that a hurricane would join the symphony of chaos to help destroy the landscape. But no... not there... there couldn't be a hurricane there...
At least that's what everyone thought.
Only a small push away, the only thing needed was the right amount of energy in the right direction.
Everyone drew a long deep breath. They stared quite silently, not a single breathing to be heard, just waiting for the worse. We all expect the worse.
Then, it happened, like an ordinary event, of an seemingly ordinary day. Right on that damp road.
The storm broke.
Quickly... VERY quickly.
It was like all clouds burst away from a center.
And every heard the reason.
Where was once those roaring winds, thundering lightnings and splashing rain, now was the sound of one music.
All my friends.
At one moment, every little piece of the sky fell into place, just as if to hear this song.
Or maybe it was the power of the song.
No one knew.
But all of them listened.
And they felt it.
Not very often to see a music break through such a storm and bring peace with it.
But peace is as fleeting as the song that brings it, and the same way it came with the music, it also went away with the music's end.
And the storm continued from where it left, weaker from the break, happier for the pause.
Even nature will open way for a song in the right place, in the right time.

The Value of a Dream
Among lots of thoughts, and inner discussions, I said to myself, in a special context which is not important, "at least that way I get to dream".
Not the most insightful sentence in the world.
But looking deeply, it is more meaningful than it looks.
Children are special, in many different ways. One very important one is that they dream about their future. So many untapped potential, just waiting to be molded by their desires and dreams.
Yet so many adults like us face a life without dreams. They may be happy, have a good job, a loving family. Even may look like everything is fulfilled. But one little variable wasn't taken into account.
Ever questioned why did we go to the moon when we should try to save our planet? Or why small groups of people try to fight against a system that could not care less about them? Why does the hero go far and beyond, face horrible dangers and traps, slay foul beasts just to save a (Not necessarily cute) princess?
Because they dream of accomplishing something far greater than reality. Because we dream to discover something special, because they dream of making a difference, and because he dreams of finding a fair and gentle princess who will love him.
We like to joke that women drive this world forward. We say men only build the things they did, or do stupid, unnecessary things for one reason. To impress females.
Of course we know it is a joke. (with some truth behind it)
But I honestly believe that everything that is more difficult is being done for the sole purpose of fulfilling dreams. We see so many scientists who work like slaves, countless hours, overtimes, with little or no perspective of discovering something significant in their fields, but they still do it with passion, just for the odd chance of making this simple, yet powerful, dream come true.
Probably, one of the saddest things I've seen in my life was a person without dreams. Someone who gave up on life in a way that they have no will to fight, reason to wake up. That is the lack of dream. Not that they don't have dreams, they dream of a day when things may be better, but that dream is so unreachable that they don't go for it, it is not that important.
Dreams are the only reason why we fight without taking odds into account. Why would a human fight a dragon, that is suicide, but yet, dream of greatness drives them forward into the lair of the beast.
That is what makes most children so special.
Dreams are something fragile and precious. Just be careful not to break anyone's dream. That is a most vile crime.

Nobuo Uematsu ~ The Greatest Composer ~

Audi famam illius.
Solus in hostes ruit
Et patriam servavit.
Audi famam illius.
Cucurrit quaeque tetigit destruens.
Audi famam illius.
Audi famam illius.
Spes omnibus,mihi quoque.
Terror omnibus,mihi quoque.
Ille
Iuxta me.
Ille iuxta me.
Socii sunt mihi.
Qui olim viri fortes
Rivalesque erant.
Saeve certando pugnandoque
Splendor crescit.


I have heard of his rumor.
He alone rushed into his enemies
and saved his homeland.
I have heard of his rumor.
He ran across the lands and everything he touched was destroyed.
I have heard of his rumor.
I have heard of his rumor.
He gave everyone hope, as he gave me.
He gave everyone fear, as he gave me.
He is now...
next to me.
He is now next to me.
My allies are with me.
My allies, who were once heroes
and old enemies, are here.
As they fiercely competed and battled
their splendor grew!

This song requires no introduction.
And it means more than most songs to me, as it also is the most important song to enter my life in ages.
I would one day like to meet him, he made me feel at peace so many times, I'd like to thank him.

A small log... just to say somethings I can't say to anyone...
Tostiche, respect--
The Spiderwick Chronicles, respect++
Moved by evil, torn by good. Who'd have guessed that my good side was going to kill me.....
I fail... I'm not good at anything...
The cake was not technically a lie.
No, I'm not alive, not that you care.
It's been too long... I miss that feeling... I even miss the pain it caused...
Indeed, it is much harder to go on when you have no reason to wake up the next day, or an objective to fight for.
I wish for a silent eternal night.
Juno is a great movie.
Asuna, Rosette, Saber, Tia, Sakura... I'll remember your pain so long as I live, as a reminder of the good things to fight for, and those who fought for it
I'm tired. I'm so tired, Selan. Let me sleep for a while next to you.
I'm so sorry my companion cube...
Square and Disney make a phenomenal combination.
And so does Square and Nintendo.
Masahiro Sakurai, congratulations.
Lumas are great.
No one to share this with.
I don't want to wait six more years.
109 years old is a lot, don't you think.
Three seals aren't enough to keep my soul under check.
I'd rather be lonely alone, than lonely surrounded by other people.
Yes, it does bother me to see so many couples in the mall, and to see couples kissing...
One side does not care about sex (even thought it enjoys it), the other wants so badly to experience new things...
I don't walk like an egyptian, but I do like the song.
I still want to buy that sword for him.
And that telescope for him.
And that plush for her.
I will someday buy the things I want.
For your own safety, all communication services have been suspended.
Japanese is a hard, (and fairly stupid), language, but I still want to learn.
I miss you three.
I still hope the RPG will proceed and conclude well in time.
I have five important books to read, none of them which I have the time for.
I do waste lots of time in unimportant things.
But then again I must admit, I don't see anything important to spend my time on.
You can call me cheap, but I do spend a lot of money on things that matter, too bad I don't have enough....
I know the meaning of life, but I wont tell you.
Yes, 42 IS the answer.
Nothing beats bad luck.
No one has worst aim than a vogon.
There are NO snakes on the plane ~.~
Yes, I do believe in Dragons.
One day the world economy will collapse, and the world will suffer one of the greatest crisis since dawn of civilization. Don't say I didn't warn you.
(Almost) Everyone loves my dog... the poor thing is as stupid as a door.
No one regrets nothing.
You do NOT look as fat as you imagine.
Blah blah blah.
Yes, my internet SUCKS =P.
Brawl, is a fucking awesome game.
John Williams is STILL the man.

End of log...

Coin Attraction
It took some time, I wanted to hold it in my hands.
Stare at it for all its beauty, and feel all the meanings involved.
To most, it's a simple object, without any considerable value. I could consider it the proof of a conquest, not a worthy conquest, but the prize for stepping up to a challenge, and seeing it through the end.
Saying like that makes it sound more like a consolation prize =P.
In the end, it should mean more to me.
As my life, and all the webs that form my devious mind, are all formed by links, some strong, others weak... but memory links. It is how a simple scent can jog up the memory of your childhood adventures into the kitchen while someone baked something delicious, or may remind you of a person important to you, by the perfume they used to wear.
This coin, has more to it to me than anyone can guess by looking.
It has so many memories attached to it, all of them recent enough to be still printed in the dark corridors of the labyrinth that is my mind. May they be sound, great melodies discovered by experience, or even the feeling it felt at some point in the fun of my recent past.
I could hold it all day.
I wish I could bring it everywhere with me. But as the memories and bonds tighten each time I look at this round thin object, I fear for my incompetence.
It has become so important, becoming one of my most cared possessions, that I seal my urge to take it everywhere with me, just like with this stone, so I won't lose it. It would make me really sad to lose this.
Funny how something so seemingly unimportant becomes such a valuable treasure just because it lies in place in the web of your brain, that ripples to other good memories, and becomes the center for a more pleasurable part of your life.
And this I know...
We all need more pleasurable things and memories in our life.
Ill treasure this coin with all my strength.

Orientation School - First Class of Spiritual Guidance
- Energy is the essence! All beings in this world are fundamentally made of energy, be it human, animal, beast plant, not only them but all objects such as rocks, weapons and clothes. The only exception for this are creatures and objects created through magic spells, not summons as these bring creatures from other places.
The teacher walked to the front of his desk slowly. He wore a dark green overcoat, with a black shirt, and brown pants. His belt had some items attached to it, mostly potions and other utensils for teaching. He held his hand upfront.
- As you all know, every living being has the ability, with few exceptions, to manifest this energy upon the world, like this. - He said concentrating his own energy in the palm of his hand, which after some instants began to glow, and with a bright flash appeared a small bird in his hand.
The young ones didn't seem greatly surprised, but more as dazzled by the beauty of the power.
- Most of you have experienced a bit with your own spirit. Of course most of you can't do much more than simple manipulation of the elements, but we are all here to learn more about these powers and how to develop them. So, first of all, does any one remember how many spirits are there?
Some of them raised their hands shyly and said sixteen.
- Good. Sixteen elements, being Life, Death, Time, Space, Light, Darkness, Fire, Water, Earth, Wind, Thunder, Neutral, Animal, Plants, Mind and Body. They each represent one of the elements from nature. So why do you think our spirits are important?
- Because we can't survive without it. - Said a boy in the front.
- Because it is what gives us power. - Said a girl near the window.
- Because it makes us what we are. - Said another girl in the back of the class.
- When we are born, the energy from around us come to gather in our body, and give us life, allowing us to be part of nature. Even the most isolated creature in the universe, and any parallel plane, is given the spiritual gift. One may not even use it, but having it allows our conscientiousness to be within our body, and thus making us a whole being.
The teacher walked towards the window. Only to say in calm but gloomy voice.
- We all know that no being can exist devoid of spiritual energy, but even so, people talk of beings who have no soul, no spirit, and live only to hunt those who have spiritual energy. I've never seen one, and highly doubt they do in fact exist. With energy we are a part of this world, and as we live, we borrow this energy from existence, so that when we die, this energy returns to be recycled with all the purest energy of the world.
The children seemed to be mixed the awe and fear, but were all paying close attention to their teacher's words. He stepped back to behind his desk, and started writing into the projection screen.
- During this course we will see the nuances of each spirit, where does it come from, and where does it go to. The delicate balance in nature among the spirits. A little history. And of course, will practice a lot to control our own energy.
The sound of pencils writing down the topics filled the class. This was the first class, the first of many. Those were the children who would learn to use their own spirits for their own will. From then on, theory would come to practice, and that they needed a lot.

Eerie Feeling
Where I come from, we've got a different religion. Not we as a nation, we as a collective of people.
We basically chose what we wanted to believe in, from all the things that are unexplainable things.
And even for some things physics try to explain, we simply believe there's something more, because even physics know there is something missing in their equations.
The thing is.
Some days ago I was feeling this adrenaline surge. This crushing feeling in the heart.
From what I believe, this kind of sensation means some sort of premonition. Not the classic one where one dreams about something that is about to happen, but more like when you know there is something out of place, or someone you care for is in danger.
It had been a long time since the last time I felt this way. Years.
This one came crushing down with such force, sometimes I couldn't even get up from the bed.
It is sort of panicking to feel that which is most precious to you being ripped away and yet not knowing why, when, where, who or even if.
Some people, I believe, have the gift to feel their surroundings and extract more from it than just what sight, hearing, touch, smelling and tasting gives them.
I felt... so many things. Things I once called rips in the fabric of time space. Mainly an anomaly in the world. Be it precognition, omen, farsight or whatever, I had a knack for knowing when something odd was about to happen.
It felt like time had collapsed around me.
Powerless
Without knowledge
Oblivious
Dark
Even though I searched for what was wrong, I did not find anything.
Good I guess. But I wonder nonetheless if something had just started to snowball from that point.
Twists and turns, spikes of feeling nearly seeming like that one, the last few weeks have been confusing.
But in the end, all was to remind me... of what I knew, of what I signed in for.
I live cursed.
Or that is what I was led to believe.
Can one have so little luck?

The Legacy of the Future
Future is uncertain and unknown.
Forgetting people who believe in fate, and destiny, and that the future is already certain.
What we fail to perceive among uncertainty and our only interest in one's own life, is that there are things about the future that are bound to happen.
Most of the time we consider the future can hold great things, and that solo perspective is what makes some people fight against all odds.
Sometimes people talk about but never really stopped to perceive what the future of this world is.

I for one, have been saying for many years that I won't have children, not so much because I don't want to, but more for many reasons that escape my control. Among these reasons, stand the logic that bringing a child into this world is just wrong for a child. Not drastically, but I reason like this.
As years pass we are reaching the end of some natural resources that we can't restore. So in some years, not a lifetime, but maybe in the next millennium, water will become a critical issue, not to mention the shortage of oil will cause great chaos in the economy system. We have global warming, we have the raise of the sea levels. Basically we are headed towards a more chaotic world and in my vision, worse. Worse unless something huge is done.

Well, recently I saw this video about economy. About how our baking system works, and were the money comes from. After 40 minutes, lacking 7 because it didn't load the end, I renewed my faith that we are headed towards really rough times.
Our economic system is naturally flawed, and doomed to crash, the thing is, it's crash can be forever delayed as long as we can extract natural values, resources, from the planet. That will take who knows how long, but as population grow, resources fade, eventually will face a world wide economic crisis.

I don't like being bleak, but the future is going to be though, on anyone there to face it. As for the present, I'll do my best for a better life/world. But people really need to acquire some consciousness about what is going on, and what will be in time. Economists have foreseen it, but they are a very little minority.
As long as we delay it, the more difficult it will be to fight it.

Countermeasures
The seal loosened with each blow.
The seal used to contain the beast.
Were it to break, there would be once again a long period of darkness to face.
It seemed like the fight would go on for a while. So measures were taken.
First, hide, where the blows don't reach. Let some time pass so the wounds stop bleeding.
Isolation would be but temporary, as the time demanded confrontation. So prepare for battle.
Take in the breeze fresh air.
Prepare another talisman to keep the seal under check.
And last, silently step through the shadows, avoiding needless confrontations and stick with what is important.
No more joining extra fights.
No more expecting help.
Fighting alone is better training, and is more reliable.
May this new bond hold the inner demon. May it allow a clean fight.

Dive!
In an unexpected turn of events, I entered a diving course.
On more of a new, I got a job, it began this last week.
Seems like a really great turn of events right ^^.
Diving, though, is a risky business. Leaving your own environment, going into an unknown place. It can be great, but you may find yourself surrounded and facing more grief than you prepared for.
So it was how I learned that a seemingly good week turns to a bad one on the flash of a lightning, and that presence of light, followed suddenly by it's absence.
So, on work, I had no computer to work there, since it is in programming I can do very little without a computer, so I would go to work at home. Huge mistake... I forgot Murphy was watching. Two days I had blackouts here at home, one for eight hours, and the other for four, right on the time a was going to work.
Oh just two days right? No... the other day I went out with a friend for a movie. Had to wait for half an hour, and the movie stirred up those sad feelings buried deep inside, but she seemed more unconcerned than I'd like. Upon my arrival home, I went to my computer thinking of working, only to find the internet down. One day I had to take a friend to the hospital to check up her stomach, which was hurting, once again, no internet when I got home. And the last day was just about the lack of internet.
At the end I produced more during the time I spent at work, even without a computer. But I produced a lot less than I find acceptable.
On the diving class, on the last class (the one that is more practical, therefore more fun) my air ran out first, leaving me doing nothing for the last half an hour of the class.
At the end of the week, to relax, I went to play on my nintendo Wii. Ten minutes into the game, both of my battery pairs were dried out. So no fun for me.
Well... things now seem a bit more normal. The extra theoretical class for the diving course went really smoothly today.
The course was really nice, especially the practical parts ^^. I can't wait to go to my baptism on Parati. I say it is a nice experience for anyone who likes water, swimming. So if you have a chance, do it. The wonders under the sea are great things to observe... one of those must try experiences.
As for me, I end this week feeling sad, for many reasons, wishing to find something to cry about, and just trying to plan next week with the little time I'll have.
Diving into anything in life is uncertain, but at least diving at sea is more predictable, and you'll most likely have an instructor the first time, so if you wanna dive into something, go for Scuba Diving.

Collective Restraint

You, who softly touched my chest.
Who looked into my eyes, and smiled calmly.
You came near my face, lips close to ear. You spoke gentle words, words so intimate that my belt should not hear them.
You held my hand. You asked about my past. You told me about yours.
You seemed so perfect. We seamed great together.
But you... YOU... you were the one who mocked me in front of our friends.
You barely spoke with me, and when you did, you always called others into conversation.
You frequently ran to greet and talk to others, leaving me alone.

Masks. Restraints. Acts. Posers.
Most people have a closet full of masks. One mask for each occasion. For some people in particular, for groups, of friends, coworkers, family, teammates. Internet has proportionated a vast chance to do this. In each forum, online game, instant messaging and chat rooms identities are lost, replaced with masks of who we wish to be.
Normal, common.
I hate it... for two main reasons.
Because of people who you know (by experience, or intuition) that could be great friends with you, if only you had the time to be alone and become friends, but the person is NEVER alone, always wandering in groups of friends. When you propose to do something, the first reaction is to invite the rest of the group.
And because of people who are the nicest friends, you get along really well, only when alone. In groups it is if you never existed.
Surely most people do this, even your's truly. You don't play around with sex jokes around your family, and you can't mock people from your work. Each social interaction is unique in it's own way, and so you need to act accordingly.
I won't say it is wrong, because it probably isn't, but I feel very frustrated when I meet someone who only knows how to function in a group, never goes out without the group, and in the group you just can't become friends, you may only become part of the group.
You see, these restraints imposed by social interaction, limit the proximity of people in your life. With REALLY rare occasions people in a group are just close, rarely being intimate enough, like pairs of friends usually are.
I know being alone with someone, other than boy/girlfriend, is rare, with the few time we have in our world. That comes to be really annoying when you know a really great person, with great conversation, that when with others isn't the same. The conversation aren't as fun, as intimate, as comfortable.
Comfortable. That's the difference.
Statistically speaking, the chance of one feeling comfortable enough to talk personal things is much higher with one friend than with six. This serves as a restraint about conversations.
The so called collective restraint. The things one won't talk within a group, but would when sitting alone.
I hate to lose a possible friend to such a stupid social barrier.
Masks are there to ease adaptations to new and different situations, not to isolate us from a true bond.Publish Post
Just remember to sometimes take of the masks, and let your true self breath and maybe make some friends, it's important for you, and for them.

Christmas
Well, long has passed and I've neglecting this blog.
Well, we passed through that 200th post, and I have lots of subjects lined up.
But I've been enjoying some rest after all the struggles I faced.
So soon I'll be writing more often hopefully.
For now, merry christmas to everyone, and good celebrations all around during this time of year.

From us all,
Maelstron, Maxim, Thomas