Between clouds and lights.
It had been a while since I took a plane. With this recent trip to Las Vegas I think I had enough plane for some time. But the first time as an adult I had some interesting sights while airborne.
Clouds do form the most interesting shapes, but it's not about the shapes... it's interesting when you wake up, the first part of the morning, and the sun light just brightens all the clouds. You peek outside the window, an endless ocean of puff of clouds each one like the next, all pure white. Some time latter the empty sky gave way to the endless ocean. I've seen many cloud formation very pretty while in the sky. Only when coming back home that the clouds just seemed like a continuous stream of smoke.
Most interesting was to travel by night close to the ground. There are just the mos amazing light formations in the cities.
When you notice that block with lights in patterns it is just amazing. There were blocks close to home that I didn't imagine had lights so symmetrical. Funny to see different cities the way their main lights are distributed. Forms like crosses, squares and arcs were pretty common.
Being someone who deals with computers a lot, I couldn't help noticing that far from above the lights reminded me of mother boards. It was funny to enjoy the lights.
I missed traveling a lot. I think I missed more the change of pace. Seeing another country, living a different life style for a few weeks. I'm glad to be back in many ways. And now I know there are some amazing sights right of the takeoff.

Sunday Night Shift.
I came out of work around 19:00... It was sunday and four more days of work ahead before any good night sleep.
Things were getting more stressful in my project.
I walked up the dark street up to the parking lot to get my car.
I was already dark enough, and the street lights were dim, barely enabling a full sight of the street.
Walking toward my car I looked up to a nearby office building.
It struck me as odd, as almost all the windows were lit, as if it was a regular week day.
Do people always work on weekends?
Was it just that building?
Maybe it was pure coincidence... but at that moment it felt like a normal day of work in any week day, and I was not one of the few working late.

The firefly night.
They say it takes a catastrophe to make us appreciate something in our lives.
I never disagreed but this last one was rather unusual.
There I was surfing the net, and watching the last two laps of the F1 race, when suddenly this lightning strikes in the middle of the rain and blackouts the whole region.
Ok I didn't see the last laps, but heard on the radio the results. Unimportant. After some time and a nap, it was already night and no prospect of getting the lights back.
My parents had things to do, and I much preferred to have something electronic to play with. But nothing. Eventually we hear a strange sound in the street and hoping it had something to do with the repair guys I went outside to see if there was one of those spinning lights from an official car.
It was pitch black. The clouds covered the sky, no lights in some good distance.
That is when I saw. There were an incredible amount of fireflies blinking in my yard, all of them hoping to find a mate. But to me, it was all a light show.
Go fireflies, I hope you find your partners, or whatever the hell works for you.

Not Average
I believe in something more.
That is not very new.
I just can't accept that humans are just that. That this world sucks the way it does, and there is no hope of something mystical and interesting for us to discover. There has to be some variable that general sciences forgot to take into consideration.
But that is not the point.
I find that while I lack any explicit power, I have my own set of "powers" the while not so palpable still mark me as not average.
My own perception, about things, people and surroundings is very strong. And so I keep an eye for any person that is out of the average.
Recently I've seen two worthy of mentioning. I still wonder whether they knew about themselves or even about me, but I left quietly, just wondering.
The bus stop brings many different people. It is easy to find someone that get your attention. But this girl had something different. Something nearly invisible. A thin thread. One that extended from her and went lost into the crowd. For some time it seemed to come in my direction, but it changed courses as soon as I noticed it. The thread kept strong with the girl who after some time was moving through the crowd outwards to see if her bus was coming. Interesting how 20 people failed to notice the thread among them, and I sat there far away, just watching the thread to see what it was doing. Of course, I was limited to seeing it whenever the sun reflected in it. At all other times it was completely invisible.
I take the train a lot, during this last month. But I've taken the subway very few times. There are always good and bad things about this. But when it comes to people, both are about the same as in quantity, but only one had this man.
I was going to meet with my friends, so I took the subway, fastest way, and free connection with the train I was already in. When I got to the station, I went underground, and took a right to go to one end of the subway. I've seen many strange things, like people kicking the air, but this guy really got me. It was a brief moment, he was standing the way super heroes pose in stories, head forward, a bit upward, hands in his waist, one leg a bit higher and bent, the other straight. He wore a white coat, like a doctor, or a scientist. Even with no subway passing, his coat fluttered in the wind. I could feel his presence, he stood out. Not many have this aura.
It seems ordinary.
But these things you can only feel.
I can't say it is about faith, but it my faith and that is all that matters to me.

The sleeping corpse.
Just another day at work.
The weather is out of control these days. Currently the air seems cold, from both the chilly night and the winter air the roams around. And following winter tradition, air is very dry, so no clouds in the sky, only the strong, warming sun.
I'd just gotten to the office from lunch. I walk to my desk, thinking about what should I do to solve my problem, when I glance out the window, just inspecting the landscape and the sunny day. Keep in mind that I work at the second floor (also top floor) of a building that sits on one of the highest grounds on the region, my window faces directly the low part, so you can see far away.
Also, I work in a restricted area, inside a complex, so he is not a hobo. And he also wears something that resembles the cleaning staff uniform.
But you don't have to look far away to take things out of the ordinary, because just low out my window, on a path that would seem to lead from the back of my building to some weird other building a about 25 meters away, on ground, next to a rock the size of a big human head, a human lay down on the ground, perfectly still.
Yes, on the ground rock, in the middle of the path, under the hot-ish sun, facing down and very quite.
Well, what to say, I point out the window, call the attention of my coworkers and say, "Hey a dead body.". They laugh, my joke was well taken, no one seems worried. I o the same routine with my boss, he laughs a bit, and I return to my desk.
The joke to me had ended there, I made a witty comment about the man unusually sleeping in the middle of the road and in the sun, so I think of leaving him to his business and try to return to mine.
But interestingly the joke doesn't fade so easily. People seem to turn back to him from moments to moments and keep up the small jokes and fun around the office. And as the guy does not wake up, we start with more jokes, about the end of days, or zombie movies and such, till someone notices, near the other building, behind the tree, there are two more people laying down.
At some point we notice the people in office one floor under us seems to have noticed the guy on the path. They yell something trying to wake him. No apparent effect.
Someone in our office points that he saw the body move a bit. We take the chance to make more jokes.
I'm switching between work and the guy, so eventually I notice that he really did move his legs.
So I let the joke die. Until someone starts to walk on a higher level path, as to get closer to the body and start to call for his attention.
Of course eventually the flips over his head, looking to his inquisitor, and they talk for some time.
We knew the guy was just sleeping.
But come on, it is pretty weird to see a guy, sleeping in the ground, under the sun, near a rock bigger than his head. Good laughs.

Coin Attraction
It took some time, I wanted to hold it in my hands.
Stare at it for all its beauty, and feel all the meanings involved.
To most, it's a simple object, without any considerable value. I could consider it the proof of a conquest, not a worthy conquest, but the prize for stepping up to a challenge, and seeing it through the end.
Saying like that makes it sound more like a consolation prize =P.
In the end, it should mean more to me.
As my life, and all the webs that form my devious mind, are all formed by links, some strong, others weak... but memory links. It is how a simple scent can jog up the memory of your childhood adventures into the kitchen while someone baked something delicious, or may remind you of a person important to you, by the perfume they used to wear.
This coin, has more to it to me than anyone can guess by looking.
It has so many memories attached to it, all of them recent enough to be still printed in the dark corridors of the labyrinth that is my mind. May they be sound, great melodies discovered by experience, or even the feeling it felt at some point in the fun of my recent past.
I could hold it all day.
I wish I could bring it everywhere with me. But as the memories and bonds tighten each time I look at this round thin object, I fear for my incompetence.
It has become so important, becoming one of my most cared possessions, that I seal my urge to take it everywhere with me, just like with this stone, so I won't lose it. It would make me really sad to lose this.
Funny how something so seemingly unimportant becomes such a valuable treasure just because it lies in place in the web of your brain, that ripples to other good memories, and becomes the center for a more pleasurable part of your life.
And this I know...
We all need more pleasurable things and memories in our life.
Ill treasure this coin with all my strength.

The Sun Hidden in the Veil
The usual path, though normally dull, reveals surprising things sometimes.
Maybe it was the good mood, or the odd weather that has been going on... you know, with people freezing around here. But still, it was a great sight, maybe even a good omen.
The sky has this veil of clouds, gray, small, roundish, very close to one another and going from one side to the other side of the horizon. It covered all the sky, even though they were clearly segmented.
All sky except for the end of the path in front of me, where for some reason they halted all at same time, creating a thin line, very straight line. The way it ended gave the clear impression that the veil of clouds was as thick as a normal veil is, despite the fact that it blocked visual access to the upper parts of the sky.
At that very end, the sun was either rising still lower than the horizon or rising already behind the veil. But the sure thing was it's proximity. The rest of the horizon, above all other distractions, and under all clouds was the shinning light of the sun, painting the end of the path yellow.
To the left smoke rose from somewhere. Too distant to see where. But the small rising blackish rising cloud just left of the golden horizon and going upwards to meet their gray counterparts made this path seem right.
The strange thing was that the clouds. When you looked upwards to see them they had this blot pattern, and were so still that one could swear they were looking into a painting, one with lots of single, strong strokes to make clouds.
Great sight to pass through any path.

Unstable Feelings
Contrary to what the topic might suggest, this is not a bad thing.
Just something strange that happened to me today.
I was at the super market, buying some things to cook/prepare tomorrow. I was at the speed line (the one destined to people with up to 20 products, I'm not sure of the term in English) behind two clients. The first one, already passing things through the clerk, had lots of things, and was deciding about taking or not an extra set of plates. Took some time for the speed line, but ok.
The second client, which at first I thought was with the first, was just and old (I think he was old) man carrying just a bread pack, if I'm not mistaken a pack with 12 small breads. When the clerk finished with the first client he stepped up, handed a two-Real (name of the currency here =p) bill. The clerk passed the bread, picked the money and handed the bread to him again, then he left.
Strangely, this is the reason for this post, at that moment, just before he paid the clerk, I felt somehow happy, that comfortable, at peace happy. I thought of this old man, coming alone, quietly and peacefully coming to the super market just to buy a pack of breads, leaving as simply as he must have come. Though this set may seem sad, the simplicity of the act, and undisturbed peace he seem to have made me feel more human.
Maybe it all culminates to me from the events of the day, and the full strain of my emotions. But I felt happy, for apparently NO reason... and that feels good in the end of the day.

So, soon it will be the post number 200. I'm trying to come up with something very special, though maybe sad, to post as number 200. If it goes as I plan, it should be the second best post I've done here. I look forward to it...

Traffic
40 minutes.
Two police cars.
One ambulance.
One tow truck.
All of them passing through me.
And in the end, no accident where I passed.
Damn those 40 minutes of traffic.

The Holy Place in Lost Woods
Not that I wish to compare, it's not even as grand as the holy place in lost woods, but if any of you played The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, you can remember that time you search through lost wood for the Master Sword, and when you first get there, you go upwards through this opening in the woods towards the altar where it lies. At that moment your path is crossed by numerous animals, small animals, that playfully pass in front of you as you go for the sword.
This simple act, these animals, they symbolize their thrust in you, and that you are truly the chosen one, the hero of courage. I find that one scene very beautiful, even though it's simple.
Interestingly enough this post was triggered when I was leaving my house today, the sun breaking through the clouds, the cold air, warming sunlight, all this in the condo I live in, and suddenly a sequence of birds flew in front of my car, just like the scene in lost woods. I somehow reminded me of that. I felt... I felt... important.
I know... my condo is nothing like lost woods, I don't want to compare both, lost woods is a sacred place to me. But it sometimes feels good to imagine you're important, you're a hero destined to grandeur. I know I'm not, at least it does not look like, even though I would love to be a hero.
I saw a hero die, I saw what it's like when a hero dies, and I think, that's the way to die. But this is for the next post.
For now, think of the moments where nature makes you feel like you're a part of a much greater plan, of this mystic world where you're a hero. Dream on... it's good sometimes.

One Gate
Time was passing normally, I had no rush, so I was enjoying the fact that I had some free time to get to my destination. Forward, stop, look around, listen to the music, forward again.
Nothing out of the ordinary, but in the end, special moments never happen in a very confusing, full of changes, weird day, they happen when you least expect, in a most ordinary day.
There it was. Right above the bridge. That old bridge, not much of an eye candy, more close to visual pollution, it had the center a bit lower than the edges, and being of solid stone (cement?) it made two straight lines forming a "very wide" letter V. People were crossing, with no attention paid to what scenery filled the background to their side, they merely went on with their day, on that routine that like me, they had to face everyday, but contrary to them, I learned early that the beauty of life lays hidden around every corner, just waiting to smile to a more observant person.
During the stop in my mind boring routine of getting to the place I had to be but had no rush in getting there. I raised my eyes a bit, and seeing through the gentle silhouette of the unsuspecting people crossing the not so far bridge, I saw the sun.
Some can say, what about it? It's been there for like billions of years and would still be there for more billions, so what's so damn interesting now?
Sure, I've grown tired of having the burning sunlight shinning upon my eyes, blinding my path every day. But this was oddly different. Sometimes there is a mist, but I always surfaced on the sides, far from my path. This was new, the mist took over in from of me, blocking my vision from far away.
And all these oddities combined generated such a marvelous view. The sun fighting against the mist, trying to break through and shine over a deserving soul, while the mist held strong, but the reflection of the light could only break through and reveal the trees in a nearby "forest" specially this one tall tree that bent over the path, just a bit taller than the bridge, and some meters behind it. One could see the silhouette of the tree, not enough to see leaves, but just to see it on the other side of the mist, trying to reveal to all people, even those not paying attention, that the path followed, and the tree was a mark to be seen.
Simple, the sun, the mist, a tree, and a bridge. And the gate to a better place should have been open. Someone must have passed. It seems like a better place.
But I must follow my way, I have to be somewhere, even if I don't have any hurry to get there.

A Movie Moment
It was today, at lunch time. I went out to the bank to draw some money and since I was there I lunched at a nearby place which sells "pastel" (I still think there is no word in english for this, one day I'll try to describe it). After my calm and peaceful lunch I was heading back to college when I saw the most amusing sight. You know how in some movies they show employees at storage rooms playing cards?! I know that those people you usually ignore, like the cleaning people, or construction builders, basicly people who do the maintenance in everything around you, they are humans just like us, and therefore have to have their moments of rest and fun, but I often fail to imagine what they do. I've seen them sleeping among students, gossiping and in movies playing cards. And there they were, with the door of some sort of storage room, right next to ECA's restaurant, four uniformed working people, playing cards. Very fun, but I didn't stay long enough to discover what game were they playing, but I must say, I never thought I would actually see that ^^.

The Bright Night
As time seems to be playing a joke on me, the last event had a twins sister.
Sunday night, I was uneasy. Maybe it was all the study that is needed to be done, or I was tired of the few sleep hours, maybe I was worried with my friend, or my other friend, I couldn't tell, but because of it I was tossing and turning in bed until two thirty in the morning, when I decided to get a drink, and try to calm myself to sleep.
As I crossed the living room, I felt like something was out of place, the curtains were all open, when they should be closed, of course, my parents are away from home, so I am responsible for house maintenance. But still, it was not the curtains that was wrong, and as I went to close them I realized it was too bright for this time of the night. I thought it could be the outer lights of the house, but when I turned them of, I saw my garden with such light, that you could see everything in it. The light came not from the house, or from the neighbors, in a really odd way, the light came from the sky.
The night was really cloudy, and not even in a perfectly clear sky, with full moon, I have seen such clarity in this time of night.
I closed all the curtains, went to my bedroom, and after some time I fell asleep. I still feel uneasy, and I do not know why, but as I hope it passes soon, I just wish that someday near, I may have a friend to talk with me for a whole day.

A Dark Day
As the day before had it surprises, and some misteries, I woke up.
I was tired, had only a few hours of sleep for the past days. I was worried about a friend, but I was still relaxed from the company the day before.
When I steped out of my house, something strange caught my atention. It was past six in the morning, and as I was used to wake up this time of the morning, or sometimes sleep about this hour, I was used to the clarity of the first rays of sun light, still unable to reach my house, but already illuminating the sky. But today was different, it had no light, the birds did not sing, it still felt like night. When I play RPG with my friends, they sometimes leave at this time of the morning, before we go to sleep, and most times, when I go up the stairs to say goodbye, I find the next day newspaper in the front of my garage, but not today, even the delivery boy was late.
It was as if the world had shifted one hour into the past.
After sometime stand in the middle of the street, looking into this dark sky, on the dark day, I recovered and walked towards the car, as my next destiny was the airport.

Beauty does not vanish, it just gets hidden.
So, I love to complain how the sky in the big city has almost no stars, if it has at all. But today I take some of it back. I still believe the sky at night has no stars, that the moon begins with strange colors due to pollution. But now I know the sky in the big city hides its beauty.
Today when I was walking towards an event I was going to, on the sidewalk wating for the green light to continue my way, I raised my head and my attention got held in a piece of the sky. It was wierd looking into such a beautiful sight in a place where I thought all the beauty was lost.
It was somehow the white clouds made a first line, and behind them stood the gray clouds, to feeling of looking into a new dimension. The holes in the clouds made a big openning where you could see directly the blue sky, I was impressed there was a BLUE sky. This look, the two rows of clouds moving and playing to hide the true and beautiful color of the sky, and the sensation that the sunlight was shining between the coulds and giving light into someones life.
After come time I went on my way, but now I carry the feeling that there is beauty even in the most unexpected places, you just have to want to find, or get lucky to see it ^^.

Shiatsu
It was on a clouded day, a little rain fell from the sky. I had had two bad days before that day. It did not start well, but at least it did not start bad.
I started taking care of some pending business, I had to make some calls, buy some stuff and put in motion my quest for some presents.
When it was time, around 4 in the afternoon, I prepared my things and took off to my destiny. I arrived near 4:30, I remember thinking if I should take my coat with me in case the rain got worse latter on. Decided to leave the coat on the car and went on my way, up the ramp leading to the house where I would get my massage. I was welcomed by a nice lady, took my shoes off, completed the first time form, and after a few minutes I was called by my masseuse. In the room I changed into a pijama they offered, and went on with the Shiatsu session. One hour latter I left the place.
I say I preffer traditional massage over shiatsu, my muscles were still in need of some rubbing, but I must admit, when I left the day was clearer, sky was blue, and as I gazed in the mirror of my car I looked into my eyes and I appeared two years younger, deep in my eyes I could feel the purity and innocence I once shared with myself. It was as if the sky represented what my own soul knew.
So my day continued, and onward to the shopping mall I went...
That day was today. I still feel physicly restored, but my soul yearns for peace and care. Maybe I will find someone that can do that for me. At least now I know where to enjoy a good massage.

This weekend I went to a night club.
Strangely I was smiling all the time, I just could't avoid it.
It was a nice place, some great musics, and some very very beautiful girls.
My friends there wanted to get someone to me, but that was more of a bluff, or they were just involved in other things and forgot all about it. Better that way I think.
I danced all night, flerted a little, got really exausted, which is what I wanted.
But as the night went on, and a new day came I reallized something...
I may like to go to places like that, and I may like to flert, and I would like to kiss someone there, but there is one downside...
I find a need inside me, I need someone more calm... with things in commom with me.
I know nothing about people in night clubs, but those who go, usually have an agitated life.
I now feel somewhat sad. I miss those who have things in commom with me. I miss playing video game with my friends, I miss talking to some friends about life, I miss having company to study, I miss playing RPG, I miss people coming to me at MSN to talk about wierd stuff, but I think I miss most spending time with someone caring.
A friend of mine said that the world has led us to believe that we have to work/study so we can have money to afford having free time to have fun. Even if I believe that is an overanalisis I still agree with him in some part. I feel the lack of time in other people lives.
Sometimes I wish I could live in a place where people have time to spend with other people, maybe one day, when Other Worlds(see http://www.renatomacae.blogspot.com/) is functional, maybe then I can find such place.
For now I live according to what life dictates, just hoping that one day someone will go out from their lives and make my day happier ^^.
The problem about searching for people to have in your life, at least my problem, is that I have found some really special people, some that I wish would remain with me for the rest of my life, and I believe I have all that I want near to me, but because of the lack of time, interest or just pure lack of luck, this things so close to me are so far from my reach.
I wonder if there is someone really perfect out there for me to meet, or if I already met that someone. Either way I love my friends, all of you, each for your special traits I hope you all live happily ever after ^^