Breaking and Welding Chains
The silent night is the background, where a slow walk is the only sound to be heard, but the walk remains hidden in the dark. Each step is followed by the sound of a chain, the chain grinding to itself as if something is pulling it apart. Little sparks jump from the chain trying to break out a light to the ambient, but the darkness is too heavy. Only fleeting shadows roam from the sparks.
As I walk, I am welding a new chain. This time, to someone who I hope can give me the happiness I need. To someone which has given me many good moments. But somehow, there is something holding me down, a weight over me, I think it is an old chain, but it is dark, and I can't see well enough. It seems to me, the this weight is the reflection of an very important chain which I tried to break, and stopped midway as an request from a very important person...
What I see from it, from the very little that is given to me, it seems that this chain was somehow connected to a web like structure of chains. It seems that the vibrations I created in my end of the chain created a rupture in that structure, and I feel that an old group, which stood together, and wasted many hours playfully, is now breaking up, and stopping to hang out, or doing so less frequently. I know it may seem I am conceited thinking this, but sometimes I feel that I was one of the few trying to hold that structure intact. Maybe this is this weight I've been feeling some days, it seems it was what struck today.
Some chains add weight, some pull from different sides, I see nothing at the end, it is too dark, I can't see which chains are breaking, some chains are holding me together, and some are pressing agains my wounds as I try to go forward. This walk is a very hard one, but at least the silent night has been a "sight", no worries, no noise, just me, my chains, and a very long, VERY dark, path.

Beginning of Ages
Every time to time, new ages rise, marked by some specific group of things. Of course, depending on what area you are on, these marks, may differ a lot. For me, things that mark ages are the generations of video games, this is because in the rest of my life, there has never been anything so defining of a period of time, just some major events that came, and went fast, leaving marks, but none that would be considered tipical of an "age". So I tag things from those vivid memories, the ones that will always pop up when I hear that song, or see that picture.
I remember even now that time, one of the first revolutions, one that wrought a music upon my soul, my friend broght a Playstation to my house, with one game... only one, and we let the entrance music play in loop. There were other moments, like playing Mario 64 for the first time. Or waiting anxiously to get back to Brasil to play Lufia 2, or expecting the arrival of my Super Smash Bros Melee.
Now, times are changing. A new age is about to arrive. A new video game era is being born. But not only that, things in my life are changing. Friendships are still unstable and trying to fall in place, but college is flowing naturaly, and for the first time... I think I have someone to walk by my side, maybe not always, but she has been giving me some very special moments... at least one piece of the puzzle fell in place. I hope the other pieces will fall in place soon enough, at least it would make me very happy.
New era, new games, new people, and new sources of hope and happiness. I still have many troubles in my mind, but I am very glad I found these new things to keep my heart happy, so I'll live to see my birthday, the day which MANY things will begin, the day I hope marks this new age.

One Year
One month, less than a month to my birthday. It will be a year since I ran away, and took that 24 hours off of the world, away, unreachable, alone. I think back, one year may sometimes seem like a lot of time, specially when you think all that has happenned, but in the end, it seems that I ran away just yesterday. Like I probably said last year, this year I have been through a lot. I see my current situation, and find myself much stronger than before, and as I choose a new path, I found the pain to subside a bit, giving me a better ratio of strength over pain. Some of the confusion in my life has led to some bad days recently, but not even near as bad as I were before, and I have been having some fun lately, with a special lady. I lost many things, including some people who were very special, some things I may never get back, but some friendships I'll try to safe, as long as they want to be saved. I am having some satisfaction in the study, after some troubles. My project for the conclusion of the course is starting at last. I may be beginning a new RPG with my RPG system, finally. I still have a lot in my mind, my sleep is very unstable, but at least I have that inner peace of knowing what I am doing.
This year has brought me many experiences, many bad, from which I have learned and became stronger, and some good, from which I hope to regain hope and peace. This last month hold many surprises, some may be good, and I hope that none will be bad, but I will be there, walking down this road, towards some things I have been waiting for so long.
November nineteenth, the day of the year, for some reason many good things will happen on this, and I am afraid I don't know what to think of this. 19/11/06 - American official launch of Nintendo Wii, mine is reserved, should be here in the beginning of december. Also there will be a presentation of Video Games live here, in São Paulo, and I'll be there, it will be the best presentation I have ever seen. I just hope people will be nice to me this day, at least considerate enough not to make me sad.
For the first time in many years I actually look forward for my birthday. I hope I don't get disappointed.

A Movie Moment
It was today, at lunch time. I went out to the bank to draw some money and since I was there I lunched at a nearby place which sells "pastel" (I still think there is no word in english for this, one day I'll try to describe it). After my calm and peaceful lunch I was heading back to college when I saw the most amusing sight. You know how in some movies they show employees at storage rooms playing cards?! I know that those people you usually ignore, like the cleaning people, or construction builders, basicly people who do the maintenance in everything around you, they are humans just like us, and therefore have to have their moments of rest and fun, but I often fail to imagine what they do. I've seen them sleeping among students, gossiping and in movies playing cards. And there they were, with the door of some sort of storage room, right next to ECA's restaurant, four uniformed working people, playing cards. Very fun, but I didn't stay long enough to discover what game were they playing, but I must say, I never thought I would actually see that ^^.

A Touch of Steel
I know... as a man it may seem strange that I say that I like to accessorize. But I find it somehow to be a part of me, maybe my medieval side, it just makes a natural sense inside of me to wear armor, weapon, rings, bracelets, necklaces and many other things. Most of my life I had something to wear besides my regular clothes, when I was little I had wristwatches, when I was more of a teen I wore a ring, and nowadays I go on wearing a necklace. I know how strange it may sound, but I kind of like the feel of steel against my body, it just seems natural to me.
Of course I don't wear just anything for the fun of it, like any warrior I choose my accessories carefully. Most of the time I either wear something because of the memory it carries or the beauty of it. My firts important accessory was a ring I bought it thinking of one of my best friends, she was very sweet, and the simple thought of her made me happy, I wore it for about four years almost non stop, I didn't like to take it off, but sometimes I had to like during handball games (and even so I sometimes managed to play wearing it). Eventually the memory of that girl was too heavy to be remembered every day. Now the ring is with her. Without any accessory I felt after some time that I had to get a new one, so I searched a bit. Eventually I came across a lightning shapped hematite necklace, it was a new treasure from which I drew energy to defend myself, to have more will and more concentration. I found some new rings, all just good looking, with no memory, but some were weak and broke with time, or were too loose and didn't fit well into my finger, so I mostly had the necklace. Some years ago I lost it at my sisters birthday party, the chain which held it broke and it feel somewhere in the grass I think. So once again I had no accessory, the ones I had I couldn't wear that much, and the few that I wanted I couldn't have, either because I didn't have the money to buy or because they didn't have a size that would fit me. You know, I feel more naked when I am without any accessory. Recently I felt the need to get some protection to myself, so I started to wear an old necklace, and eventually got the money to buy one necklace that I wanted for some time. And for some time I had a chain, simple steel covered by silver chain around my wrist, and the medalion on the necklace, but the lock of the chain broke (too much use of internal energy) and I am waiting to get another.
I believe that every material in the world holds some energy, and when I need I try to draw from that energy, but few materials seem to have enough energy for me to absorb. But whenever I need I turn to them, like these days, I have been using the energy in the steel/silver from the medalion, and in my worst days I use the Obsidian stone (one of the scorpio's sign stone) that my mother gave me along time ago, this stone is one of the three things I treasure most.
People often forget the energy of the things that surround them. I try to make the best out of it, and I think that I own many moments of peace, concentration and nights of sleep to their energy, may be just in my head, but to me it works.
I like to accessorize, in my own way, for my own reasons. I like the feel of steel. What do you like? Stones or metals? Which kind? Or do you prefer to be without accessories.

A Flashback
I hate this, once again I let my inner child take the chance... try once again to have some group fun. Why do I even bother? It is almost like I didn't knew what was going to happen.
I now stand, evading, there is something in front of me, something I don't want to look at, something I know what it is almost too well, something I ran away once after fighting to the ground. Now I have to find a way around it, or take a great turn a leave it behind once more. Before me is my past, it was more powerful than me before, and it will be again. After it is my future, or at least one future, to face my past in order to go to this future would take some major wounds, that could lead to a bad future.
You know, I feel sad, this is one of those things that shouldn't happen twice. But even when I try to avoid it, it comes after me, to break my spirit. Now in a relationship that is more complicated than I would imagine, with an old problem and fighting back the hope inside my heart, I can feel my sanity splitting. That feeling of let out, the feeling of confusion, love, friendships blinking, despair towards the college and at the same time the will to build some friendships, to persue a love I can't, to finish my RPG system and many ideas for my book sprouting everywhere. This from a mere glimpse at my past...
Once again I find my mind to be a whirlpool of thoughts, my body to be a vortex of clashing energies and my soul to be a boiling mixture of feelings.
I wish you would rise and take me away, make me laugh, put me on or lad and gently caress my hair saying that it will all be ok. I wish I could find a friendship solid enough for me to lean on. I wish to would stop, or at least my life... but nothing stops in this world.
I work softly behind every ones eye, I search for things that may bring happiness, and I succeed frequently. But I am yet to see something that will bring happiness to me.
May my name echoe in time, and lay beside yours.

A Good Demon
People fear what they find different. They outcast people who are not like them, surelly you know someone who has been outcast, maybe you yourself have outcast someone. I have been outcast since the day I was born. Demons are not accepted well into society. But my noble birth has tought me to be a good person, good in the way of helping other people, not causing trouble to them and trying to make them happy. But once again... how many people do that? So I once again am outcast for being nice?!
Humans are the reason I don't open myself anymore. Whenever I found a friend, a good person, which I actually felt happy near, something happens to come between. I tried to separate from my current daily group of friends, as they stopped treating me well(did they ever?), at first they didn't seem to mind, but a simple manifestation was enough to make me want them back, hang out more, rebuild the old friendships, but I still don't know what to make of it, will they ever want to be my friends? On the other side, the person who recently entered my life, who gently blew a gentle relieving wind, cause some confusion, trying to help me but without knowing what would actually help me. What bothered me more was not that she tried to help without asking me waht I wanted, I appreciate that a lot, but it bothers me that we have stopped talking, she started to avoid me sometimes.
So things have been a lot confusing. I have been trying to make this girl happy, but she seems to want to scare me away every time. I know deep down she is not what I want, and I won't be able to make her happy for too long, but I know this decision will bring bad consequences in the future, but I don't know how soon will this future be.
This is why being a good demon is so hard, people will rarely come near you, even after you make them happy and do things for them no one else will. Frustrating I tell you. But I keep my hopes up, I believe there is some justice in the world, and someday things will be good for me.
I just wanted my friends, like they were once my friends...
Someone out there wants a demon, a good demon as a friend?

Deep Down in Chaos
This may be one of the 10 words I like/use most. Chaos. It's not that I like it, it's not good (usually) when things happen in a chaotic way, but since human society is so complex that it can't avoid being chaotic, I find an interesting thing to analyze this chaos and try to make sense of it.
Now I think I tripped and fell inside the chaos. Among all tests, works to do, programs to make, people to play with, go out with, talk with, games to play and movies to see I find myself lost, I don't know what to do. Feelings have been clashing inside of me, depending on the day, on the latest events, I feel one thing, that may be completely different from the day before. I have been very worried about tests, and after some of them passed, the worst ones, I felt more calm as I think I did better than I was expecting. But I am still worried, there are many things to do and very little time.
Now my feeling are being stirred up by some people near me. I've tried to protect myself by being alone, but in the end I can't distance myself too much from people. One person said to me that she felt I was distancing myself, that she still wanted to be my friend, this rippled inside of me stronger than I wanted, it feeds hope, but as I see nothing different I feel the pain of before just waiting to happen again, I wonder if there is a way I can't imagine in which this will turn out to be good for me!?! Other girl entered my life, this relationship is kind of complicated, I still hold back my feelings, in part because I am in NO condition of getting hurt again, but mostly because I fear I'll hurt her, and she does not deserve it, she is very nice ^^. Random people keep complaining that I've been disappeared, but they lack to notice that the only change was that I've stopped going after everyone, and since no one comes after me, it seems as if I went away. One great friend of mine has been in his world, I feel the distance.
Chaos has been reigning in my life, every relationship has been tormented by this. Now I hold back in fear. I want somethings to fall in place, some frindships, but I still fear to get hurt. The problem is, my self defence mechanism is too strong, and may hurt others. The only way around this would be getting me in a very calm day, by surprise, without shaking everything, and gently try to reach me without touching any scars. Yeah I know... too much trouble right?!
I used o let down my guard around some special people, today, there is only one and a half person to which I would lower my guard if entrance was requested.
But I say to myself, the words of a nice song I heard, epic, my style:
I will rise up from the chaos
I will rise up from the grave
A brother to the darkness
A master to the slave.

Someday I'll be fully back, fighting with all my courage, power and wisdom. Until then I ask that Nyx waches over me.

Love, true Love.
It takes a lot to be true love, basicly it takes a lot for anything to be "true". Love may take great ordeals, may result in the worst decisions in your life, it may be the cause of your soul ripping apart but you'll probably not realise it until it is too late.
I would be too much pretentious if I would try to explain what is true love. I have my opinion but it surely is different from others, but since it is what can break any shield, and touch the deepest and most emotional parts of my heart and leave me helpless in tears, I take it is what my heart believes.
I find that most of the time true love comes along with true friendship. Of course, since I haven't seen any of those in real life, any references I have come from fictional histories. These histories have been serving as an inspiration for me for some time now.
I complain a lot to myself about what I have been through, and I still find it all unfair, but I feel that I should respect the memories of those who showed true love in the histories. So whenever I remember those moments, or when I get sad, I think that some people(even if fictional) trully loved someone and were loved back, but eventually never had the chance to enjoy this. For that I must not stop in trivial things, I am still alive, and may find true love in the future, so I must not give up,or I'll be betraying their memories.

For Rosette, for Sakura, for Tia, for Saber, for Selan.

For each tear dropped, a memory inside.
For each tear lost, a dream forgotten.
For each tear absorbed, a little hope regained.
And with that hope, I shall not give up!

"If you don't cry when you want to, you are not going to smile" - Negi Springfield.

In addition, researchers also are discovering that people who cry frequently enjoy better health overall.

May everyone find true love and true friendship, that way the world would be a better place. At least... mine would be ^^.

A Hand Offering

You who hide in silence
protected by a huge maze
avoiding meeting my gaze
leaving words in cadence

I hope you can hear my words
they are no more than simple
should they not go into records
at least cause you smile to ripple

I think I get why you want to be alone
I am from the elemental of darkness
alone is where I plant my happiness
but back there, a door made of stone

a path where nice people can come
nice like you, who can bring hope
but something for you to overcome
let people climb in, offer a rope

I search a way inside you life
I guess I can't help myself
Trying not to cause a strife
I wall using all me stealth

maybe someday I'll find the door
I will knock gently, a sign of calm
I'll wait to hear the voice I adore
and if you open, I'll offer my palm

Either come with me, or let me in
I'll jump and sing to make you smile
I'll use my grace, and all my style
to make you laugh until you spin

Forgive me for the intrusion
I meant no harm, or confusion
I do this only to make you better
that is why I give you this letter

It may not seem, but hear the truth
I may not be brimming with youth
But it makes me glad trying to assist
To make you happy is why I insist

I ask for nothing but a chance
To empower your inner light
To let your soul out to dance
Make you sing with all you might

I may be just another friend
Maybe not what you asked for
but here I am, up to the end
Waiting to meet you at the door

So not to be inconvenient
I'll try to keep my distance
Still offering my assistance
Hoping you don't feel so absent.

I may not have all the words, all the aswers or even listen to you the way that I should,
but my heart wants to tell you to be happy, or I'll be there trying to make you smile.
I can offer you little but my company, but sometimes that is all it takes ^^.
This is for you Ju, may not be much, but it's my way of trying ^^.

Into the Golden Sunset
All the way up the hill, a lonely figure stares at the horizon. From up there he can see many familiar places, thought they all seem distante now. Covering his black outfit, the cape over his shoulders almost reached the ground, leaving just a bit of his black boot to show. The front revealed his black thin armor from the small part the cape didn't cover. The dark sunglasses alowed him to look the beautiful sun set, without much disconfort. Hanging from his ears were the earphones, white ones, concealed by the hood of his cape, playing this sweet melody. As his sight was forward into the sunset, and his hearing taken away by music, he couldn't avoit feeling a bit umprotected, so from time to time, he would cover the sun using his sword, and take a peek into the reflection on the blade, to see if no one was behind him.
The quick glance revealed someone approaching him, but the image was too blurry to show who it was, so he sheathed his sword, and hung the earphones by the knot holding his cape, so he could hear the misterious person draw near. The steps were soft, but nothing peculiar about them, nothing but the sound getting closer, but at least it was clear that whoever it was, he or she did not intend to sneak up on him, so he waited. When the steps stopped, he knew the person was near, but did not move, he was waiting to see what would happen.
A strong hand calmly held his left shoulder, even if he was prepared for it, he could not avoid flinching a bit when he felt the hand on his shoulder. The figure stepped into sight, but said nothing, he glanced to see who it was trying not to move his head, it was an old friend, so he relaxed and returned his sight to the beautiful view.
After some minutes of silence he began to wonder. "What, no questions asked? No trying to change my attention? How odd."
- You found a very nice place to see this beautiful sunset, you could have told me there was such a nice place here. - he smiled softly.
- Guess I forgot, sorry. - he smiled back.
- I remember you telling me how nice it was to see the sunset, to watch nature's beauty. Guess you were right as always.
More minutes passed, the light was getting dimmer, the sun was almost hidden behind the mountain. The wind played with the two friends' hair, but did not bother, only refreshed...
- Do you want to duel a bit? Just for fun?
His thoughts wandered back, "Sometimes, silence is better, at least better than the wrong words. Friends don't need words." he smiled. "This will be fun."
- Sure why not.
He undid the knot dropping his cape on the ground, he put the sheath of the sword and the music player over the cape and gladly prepared his sword to duel with his friend, a nice ending for the day.

Dive into the Heart
That is the name of song ^^. It is a simple chorus, but the music grows, and the context where it plays make you look into you heart and question youself, and when the music gets to into you can't avoid facing the darkness inside your heart, are you up to it?
Once again using the definition where darkness refers to something bad or evil, and light to a good thing, I shall tell you what I saw. Past a see of thoughts and feelings, guided by the pumping sound, I found it (not that it was hard, I know well where it is) lying on that empty space, majestic and strong. I couldn't help to be shocked at what I saw, I think it was fair given all that I have been through, but even so I can be shocking when you actually face the darkness in your own heart.
I never imagined it could reach this state, and yet, it may seem that the darkness is little for some people, and it is, but for me this level was unexpected. Many scars ran from one side to the other, some deep, but most shallow, each one covered in darkness, and I knew that behind the darkness was a unprotected wound that wanted to bleed. Interesting to notice that the darkness, the evil part of your heart is actually a powerful healing force, strong enough to protect your wounds, and give them time to heal. The social consequences of this are bad since whenever someone wanders too near your wounds the darkness tends to attack and hurt anyone so close, with so much evil flowing in your heart you have more tendency to be evil(obviusly), witch is something I rather not.
The heart still had its glow, wherever there wan't darkness a blueish light glowed, vividly, showing that my heart was doing its job, and was basicly ok. After some time I could see, deep inside it, that little golden glow, a tiny sphere in the depths of my heart, the things that will never change inside me, what defines me, what should be remembered when my name is called out. But then I saw, a sad tear rolled down me cheek, this should never have happenned. A wound so deep, it actually touched the golden sphere, I knew I was different, something wasn't right, I lost something important, the drive, it was it. The golden light was resisting bravely, fighting back the dark wound, I thinks someday it may win, but for now I'll be walking less of myself than I've ever been.
I guess it is for the best the way darkness has grown, I'd rather not have, but in these conditions it is better, it helps me not getting more wounds, but it may hurt people I don't want to, and as a sign of the darkness, I can't avoid thinking that some people, not generally speaking but some specific people, deserve to suffer, somewhat I can't help the desire to see them in pain, but not gratuitous pain which is useless, but a realisation pain, that in which you feel the pain you have caused, and strive to be a better person, and cause less pain to others.
You see how letting the darkness grow can be a bad thing?! But this is the darkside, I am too much of a goodside to hurt, seriously hurt, anyone. Besides the light is still strong in my heart, but serves to warn now, if I ever hurt you, remember it may not be because I want, it probably is just my defensive system.
I feel the pain
I feel the sorrow
many many tears
dried for tomorrow
Inside the darkness
a pure strong glow
of a innocent heart
letting hatred flow
I can let it go away
I need the shield
protect me the next day
the evil guides me
if you don't want to help
then please let me be.

A good game.
I have finished playing Kingdom Hearts, for playstation 2, I am a huge fan of the games developed by Squaresoft, and I have to say this was a great production., The idea of mixing characters of Disney with those of Final Fantasy may sound strange, but only the great Squaresoft con pull out a stunt like that and turn it into something magnificent. Great soundtrack, great gameplay, great graphics, anda a perfect history, just the way you can say again those old morals of being nice without sounding repetitive. Its was nice to see friends fighting to save friends from the darkness in their hearts, friendships being made out of pure companionship and the power inside everyones heart.
"Remember, no matter how dark things may seem, you heart always holds a shed of light"
I may sound suspicious to say these things, so if you doubt me, play and see for yourselves. If you believe me, play and have lots of hours of fun ^^. I have been seeing and playing many things these days that have been reminding me of what means to be nice. Always nice, but... well, maybe I'll say on the next time.

~ The Adventurer Chronicle 20 ~
"...between all the rush, all those mixed feeling, his heart was starting to lose its rithim, and that sound took over all the chaos and destruction going on. Tum tum..............................tum tum...........................tum tum. Drown in fear, sweating in concern, confused with anger, it had been years since so many feelings flowing uncontrolled. His heart was starting to beat faster. Tum tum...........tum tum.......tum tum....tum tum..tum tum tum tum. As he pumped almost all his energy into the dagger he started to reavaliate the situation, he has been too much confused in the last minutes, his heart beat was almost too strong for him to think, he was losing hope, his friends were hurt, he was hurt, the enemy was too powerful. He thought that at least this way they had a chance to escape, he felt happy for having this dagger with him.
The dagger emitted a gentle glow that quickly spread across the whole room into the resto of the world. Behind the glow followed a trail of darkness reducing the brightness everywhere, it was faint but noticeable, and its presence show a very clear effect. As it passed everything slowed, a spark flying in the air started to fall very slowly, a sword swung to a halt in mid air, a whip reduced it speed to meet a stop near a spear wating patiently for its arrival. On the other side of the room Cid was midair with his lance while near him a spell colored the place while wating for time to resume so it could reach its destiny.
As Maelstron looked around he began to breath normally again as his heart began to beat normally, tum tum............................ tum tum. He was in the middle of devising a plan to get out of this mess when terror struck his soul. A beautiful figure with the very dark blue armor walked graceously towards him, wielding her axe she looked at him and grinned. Why isn't she stopped, she couldn't have ignored the power of the dagger, could she be this strong he thought. The panic was clear in his face, so she decided to talk first.
- Very nice, I never would have expected this from you humans. Such power, I feel happy, I thought this fight was going to be boring.
- How come you are moving, you should have been stopped with everthing!
- I think you underestimate my powers boy. I am a master of time and therefore I am immune to its effects! - she laughed looking to the dagger in his hands - So that is why you were able to hit me, you have a very nice artifact there with you, I guess you own you life to it, and the life of your friends.
Cold drops of sweat rolled down his face, he swallowed dry. His heart was beating faster than ever, he barely could hear the woman talking. This is insane, he thought, we whould never have come here, we can't face them like this. I wish I had time to think, was the last desperate words in his mind before she resumed her speech.
- I recognize you are very strong, but you are only human. You come here barging in like you own this place, you try to kill us, you act like you have judged us to a death sentence but you have no idea of our power or what we have done! - she said with a clearly angered tone - You endangered the lives of you friends to lead them into a battle that will do you no good, even IF you hada a chance to win it would make no difference in the world, and you still fight like we are the ones to blame for your pathetic world. You will pay for your insolence.
She waved her hand back, and a dark blue burst of light flickered around her companions as they regained movement. After a second of confusion they noticed what had happened and walked slowly to join her. At that moment Maelstron knew this could be the end, they were not winning this battle in six he would definitely lose alone against five.
As they gathered in front of him, he knew they would not be merciful, he didn't have enough power to take that battle for more five minutes, so he concentrated some of his power left and charged towards her hoping he could find a way to escape with his friends before their life reached its end. The only sound left was his heart pounding fiercely trying to isolate his thoughts from the world, as the image of his enemies drew near with each step. With..."
~ End of Part 20 ~

New Steps
After all that has happened, I observe everyone around me. Few things have changed, if any at all, people have changed more than anything else, and even so it is not that different.
As I step away I see that it does not cause a single ripple in other people's lives. Some still care only about their own happiness and care not about others, some act differently from what they say, some still got it all, but few are there to talk to a wandering shadow.
I now am concentrated in the college, no more needless going out, no more caring about what others are doing, no more trying to hold the group together. This is my path, and I will go alone if no one comes with me, I will study to understand every class in my college, will rest peacefully at night and eventually I will see some nice people.
The first chapter of my book is almost done. I have been learning new things. I have been playing very nice video games (Kingdom Hearts for PS2 I recommend). It is hard having no reason why to wake up the next day... but conquering simple battles in my life has been quite satisfying, like doing all the homework and understanding it.
I don't know what the future holds, I imagine I will be alone in this road for a while, but as long as there is a gentle breeze up ahead and a shadow where to avoid conflicts I will walk towards the future, a future hopefully far away from this life, where I can leave all my wounds and deceptions to be buried in the sands of time.
Next challenge up ahead... my birthday, it has disaster written all over it.
Lots of work, little time. No love, little friendship, new challenges and hope that I will level up before the next battle.

A slowly walk out of Paradise
So, I am back. It's been a long time(yeah 6 months seems like forever in this condition). But slowly I have burning my own wounds, since they didn't heal on their own I had to do something to stop the blood loss. The way I found to fdo this was to give up on my natural instincts and forcedly distance myself from anyone who has hurt me. So now I am dedicating myself to studies, trying to go out less with most I know. I'll try to enjoy better my free time, more sleep, playing nice games and working on personal projects. I officially give up trying to talk with people, I won't worrie anymore, if they don't want to talk with me screw them. I'll be nicer to anyone who is nice to me, I am still the usually sweet guy I always was, I just won't waste it on people who don't want.
This weekend I went to the park with a friend of mine. We went rollerblading. It was really nice feeling the wind passing by, my friend holding my hand, people respecting our unprotected bags and a perfect weather for a day at the park. After some playing around we went to lunch and to rest a little, hot day, had to drink a lot to quench my thirst. We decide to walk around the lake in the clycling lane, and eventually sat near the lake to observe the ducks and gueese and similar birds swimmin in the lake. We talked a bit there, then went back to the front side of the lake, near the water fountain, they were turned off, but at least we got a great spot near this huge beautiful tree. It was nice day, she tried to prowl into my life and with noble intentions she tried to make me feeel better. We shared secrets, we heard each other's problems we fished solutions and opinions from our lives. Such a nice friend, I hope she liked the day as much as I did.
Guess some things in life are really just not meant to be, besides my best efforts I stand watching some friendships fade. The difference is that now I give up, I won't fight and hurt myself for something or someone not worth it, and lots of things I once thought worth taught me they are not worth. Someone has shown me that there are still nice people to fight for, so I'll focus on solving my problems and if I have the time, I'll try to improve some friendships.
Some things also end up affecting you by quantity, even hearing song a thousand times some sentences ended up hitting me much stronger now. And following their wise words I will go on forward. Here are some sentences from songs that affected me a lot in the last year.

"So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time"

"Only a warrior with a clear heart
could have the honour to be kissed by the sun
Yes, I'm that warrior I followed my way
led by the force of cosmic soul I can reach the sword"

"You can't be a hero
Hiding underneath your bed
Got to live the life
You create inside your head
So I opened the window
Caught the wind one night
Now I sail with the birds in their flight
If you're tired of everything
Come hitch a ride with me
You'll cry out in joy
When you realize you're free
It's a trip like no other
For your heart and mind
Leaving all but the future for behind"

"Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. "

"So everything's not perfect
Don't matter 'cause you'll rework it
Nothing's holding you
Never stopping, never stopping, never stopping now"

"I wanna be cool, I also wanna be like him.
But that's not something,
I can do so easily,
This is not simply my way, my own style,
Gotta get a hold of my life.
...
If i just follow you,
I will never see the light,
Now's the time to find my way through this life,
Trying so hard to be strong."

"Moving over endless mountains oh so high
Walking to the light
Your heart will
See the path and you will find your way
Just wait and see"

"Holy flame burn again for eternity burn my heart to win."

"blind and dark along my way
I must go on wise and brave before a last hail"

"What the hell am I waiting here for,
expecting you to come and give away your life
Just for a moment of my time,"

"It doesn't matter now what happens,
I will never give up the fight.
Long as the voice inside drives me to run and fight,
It doesn't matter who is wrong or who is right."

"Trust your feelings, got to live and learn.
I know with some luck that I'll make it through,
Got no other options, only one thing to do!"

"Live and learn!
Hanging on the edge of tomorrow,
Live and learn!
From the works of yesterday."

"There's no time for me to mope and cry.
I've got to get started now.
Adventures are so much the meaning to life!"

I think that many things require different insights. Sometimes you have to realize that you're fighting a lost battle, so just give up, wander off a bit, discover new places, new people, new adveturs. Just stop fighting before you lose your sanity. I'm glad I was able to give up before I was too wounded to recover, I know the price was a very high one, but thanks to the king intentions of a friend I regained part of my hope. So I'll wander a little, trying to once again see the world with the eyes of a children, purify my heart and regain the lost innocence. I invite anyone interested to accompany me on this journey, I'll try to keep a log here of most interesting events, and in a near future I'll resume the adventurer chronicles, with new and exciting passages of the story yet to be written.
The winds are changing, they blow not against, nor in favor, they only refresh and inspire. The silent messages that roam through the air indicate the world is wainting to see what happens, and I know I'll be there when it does.
The sends of time are gone now, and time destroyed everything, but from the sands left behind I will rise, build a new empire, even if I have to bury all traces of the past, I hope I can salvage the best treasures of the anciente lives.
As Ixidor, The reality sculptor said: "My past holds only pain and loss. I will conquer it by creating the perfect future."
I hope you will be a part of it.
And I must thank someone, once more... thanks, you've done more than you imagine, and asked nothing in return but my smile, that is true friendship.

The Ending
The sun was shining in the blue sky. Butterflies were jumping from flower to flower. Lying down in the middle of the flowers there were two men. One with red hair and blue clothes, he got up and sat on the ground looking over the plains. The other had a short black hair standing up with some golden strands, he wore all black and had a tattoo on his left arm. They took turns lying on the ground, sitting, walking as the wind crossing over kept them cool despite the sun over their heads.
After some time the red haired tapped on the other's arm and said.
Maxim - Hey look!
Maelstron - What?!? - he said sitting and searching around.
Maxim waited patiently until Maelstron saw it.
Maelstron - So he has finally arrived.
Maxim - I guess things got tougher over there.
Maelstron - And still he lasted longer than us.
Maxim - I give him that.
Both stood there waiting for him to get closer. The winds cross the plains to announce his arrival, petals from the flowers swirl in welcoming patterns and butterflies stop to rest on his shoulder and chat while he walks up the hill to meet his friends.
At the top of the hill, they stood staring at each other. He stood about three meters from Maxim and Maelstron, he had brown hair somewhat short, also standing up, but he wore a black shorts and a black shirt with a dragon on the back. This was the first time they have been together in about 7 years.
Maelstron - Welcome to the end of world, where you can find all the peace you need, we hope you enjoy your stay.
Maxim - Care to tell us what happened?
He walked cross them and sat on the grass. He was really relaxing in this place. The other two joined him shortly after.
Thomas - Well I guess it happened as I expected, just wasn't a shot from behind, it was a fierce slash.
Maelstron - How bad was it?
Thomas - Well it felt like a sword was thrust from my shoulder to my heart and slashed around it cutting me in half. But I guess it wasn't so bad, after all I knew it would go like this, I have known for a long time.
Maxim - That must have hurt, but on the bright side he is still alive.
Thomas - You guys took a lot of blows yourselves, I only lasted that long because of you.
Maelstron - We all did a great job, it wasn't in our hands to protect him from everything.
Thomas - Well we have all eternity to talk to each other.
Maxim - And rest in this wonderful place.
Thomas - Yes!
Maelstron - It would be perfect, if it weren't for the future of the boy.
The three of them stood sitting side by side among all the flowers. It was paradise to them, it was the first rest, peace and relax they had in years. But their minds kept worrying about this boy, the one they guided their whole life, and now he stood alone.
After a few minutes a chilly wind blew through the plains, and with it the feeling that time was fading with their connections to their past. They felt that if they wanted to do something they had not much time.
Thomas - So, should we do something?
Maelstron - But CAN we do something?
Thomas - I wouldn't hurt to try, would it?
Maxim - So what should we do?
Maelstron - I think the best thing would be an advice, since we can't guide him anymore. But should be something that would help him, when he is finally alone.
Maxim - We should tell him the basics so he won't suffer even more.
Thomas - And I really doubt there will be something new to wound he more, we have taken all the greatest blows out of his way.
Maelstron - We have no power to make him happy, so what should we say to him?
The three of them sat facing each other, exchanging looks, thinking about what should be done. They knew they couldn't help much, after all if they could they would have done it before. But maybe they could protect him from basic things that hurt, to avoid some mistakes in the future or protect him from himself. They knew what could be asked, and knew that somethings could not be done, so they started sorting out things.
Maelstron - So friendship is very important, but at the same time painful. He would rather die then lose a friend, but he should not suffer too much for this, after all it is the whole fabric of his existence.
Maxim - Love is something very sweet, but what is important is the care others can give. He should avoid being rejected by important people, but should never be closed to a new person.
Thomas - The world has proven to be unfair, but he will never lose hope of some return for his kind acts. He should just avoid doing good where he will be hurt.
Maelstron - He already lost a friend because his pain was too big, he should step away from his friends so they won't suffer the same fate.
Maxim - You do know he won't split from his friends, no matter how great is his suffering it won't help him.
Maelstron - Then he should try to avoid deep contact when he is very sad, sounds better?
Thomas - Yes. While on the subject, I think he should avoid the internet, this way he stops bothering other people.
Maelstron - Good idea, this is the way, he should avoid doing things that may hurt others, this way they don't complain and he does not get hurt by this. It does him no good knowing what others are doing while he is left out.
Maxim - Good one, but don't you think he will be lonely?
Thomas - It is not in our hands. He is lonely, and we can't change that, let's just hope he finds the company he needs.
Maxim - Well then it is settled, should we go for it?
The other two shook their heads in agreement. They stood up, looking far into the horizon, just a little up to the sky. They felt the wind pass through them until it was the right moment.
Maelstron & Maxim & Thomas - Hear us now, in this wind our words, our last message for your sake. We ask of you, stay away from the internet, at least anyplace where you can express your pain. You should only use communications in case of emergency. Since we can't be there to guide you, you should avoid hurting other people so you won't suffer. Be kind to other people, keep to yourself your pain, but don't let them hurt you, you too deserve to be happy, but since your happiness lies within your friendships, be careful who you let too close to your heart. If you ever find the energy to get any of us out of here, we'll gladly guide you once again, but until then we will be praying for you.
And saying that another wind blew, and the knew they could no longer be heard. So they sighed as they had done all they could. And each said their last words, before eternity took over.
Thomas - May everyone live in happiness, we'll miss being among humans, despite the loneness, it was very funny. Remember that every event in life has many aspects, so try to know them and be fair, specially when it affects other people's lives. May life bring happiness to those who deserve it, and I hope someday justice will prevail. I am sorry if I ever bothered anyone.
Maxim - May each person find love in their lives, even if love is not meant to be answered. I felt happy knowing I loved in my life, loved enough to go against my own health, I hope everyone feels the joy of true love, specially if one is loved back. Love is one of the few things in life worth fighting for, so don't give up, and strive to make your loved ones happy. I am sorry if I failed to do so myself.
Maelstron - One soul cannot stand alone. Not even the strongest ones. Don't be afraid to make friends, you may get hurt, but most friends will make you feel a lot better every day, and if you are lucky you may find a friend that supports you and walks life by your side helping each other. Show your friends you care, even with the simplest things as listening to them, knowing when you should be quiet, respecting them, not poking where it hurts, surprising with a chocolate bar, spending the night doing mindless things so he can take his head out of his troubles, doing simple favors or even important things. Trust you friends, but choose your friends wisely. I know I was never a good friend, but to someone who stood alone my whole life, I tried my best to make others happy. Make friends, never stand alone as long as I have, or you may end up like me. To those who stay, I wish the best of lives, until the day I return, or until an other life. Farewell.
And so, as they stood there looking into the sky, waving goodbye, the wind in their hair, the butterflies all around the sun shining over them, the screen starts to back away from them. They keep waving and when the screen is far enough, at the bottom of the screen, in old handwrite, the last message is written:
The End
And the image fades into darkness leaving only a relaxing music in the background.

The Flower Field
This place is my destiny!
It is simple, but it represents what my soul understands as paradise.
This place is huge, goes as far as your eyes can see. The sky is blue, and most of the time has a few white coulds passing by. The sun shines here, reflecting all the colors in the scenary, but it does not burn the skin, and it passes a gentle feeling of warmth that meets the cooling winds thar cross the eternal plains.
You arrive to see this plains extending from west to east, from south to north, and filled with flowers. There are some hills here and there, there are some trees standing tall and giving some shadow to the plains, but what grasps your attention are the flowers, that cover the whole ground. You can walk between them, you can lay down, but every place you go, you see a carpet of flowers, flowers that vary between tall and short, that has many petals, that has a cup shapped petal, with perfumes that would make anyone fall in love, and they make a sweet fragrance the resembles peace, love and friendship. The flowers are blue, yellow, red, orange, pink and virtually of every color you can imagine, some may even change colors, but even this mix seems harmonic, like if you could look from above they would seems to write something.
The place is calm, few animals reside here, but each gives a little more grace to the picture. You see butterflies all around, they dance from flower to flower, and write messages in the air, they come close and land on you just to make you company.
This place is the most beautiful place in my mind, but I am still trying to find this field on this planet. This is where it all comes to an end, when I die I will come here, to spend eternity in peace.
So when everything that I could take has happenned, I will come here and run away from the world.
I will lie in the flower field, seeing the clouds run by, the butterflies passing graciously, the warmth of the sun in my skin, and the cooling wind in my hair.



Extra message.
I am sorry for all the arguing, I know it is my fault. And as to stop this from bothering you, I will quit. I can't keep up doing this if it annoys you.


Added Message: I told you so! I hate seeing the future, and as much as I could have prepared, I knew this would end up like this. Anyone may say it was obvious, and it was, but still I had the hope it could have gone differently, maybe the same hope that keeps me going, that those words..."Your day will come"... are true, and future holds something to make me happy. But still, it happened, and time has shattered the last pillar, not even if the universe exploded I could be stoped, but this has mad me give up. Screw it, may anything happen, I can't care anymore, I just hope everyone lives happily, that everyone forgives me for the troubles I have caused.
See you all in the flower field. 1

Limitless - Money
Ok, this may be a complete stretch, after all with limitless money the economy would crash.
But imagine you have enough money to do/build/buy whatever you want. Just for purposes of reality you can only spend money with things for you. Maybe presents for other people you know, but no giving a billion dollars to a beggar, to charity. You can say you would give some money to charity, and help some people, just don't try to solve all the problems of the world.
It's basicaly a personal question, if you had the money, what would you like to do?
As for me, I have perfectly clear the money does not bring any happiness for me(not that anything does, but money is because of me). But even so, I would love to do many things with money.
Build a house, a very unique house, with mazes, dungeons, secret passages, and secret rooms. With a large garden, with a flower field.
I could buy those things you never do because they are uselessly expensive. You know, powerfull eletronics, cars, food, games and some other things I rather not tell.
I would give some presents to my friends, of course ^^. Maybe help some of them with their freedom. I admit I would only give to charity if I had lots of cash to spend around(I fairly rare situation). I would probably give a financial help for my college.
I would build two of my dreams, one opera house, a copy of one I saw in a game, simply perfect. And I would like to create a nightclub, a special one, with music related with the game industry.
I would hire people do help me create my website, and my RPG system. And then I would take my time writing my book, after all I do not have to worrie about money ^^.

End of Limitless'


Added Message: Now I travel the final path. I had foreseen this, I warned everyone. I knew this day would come, and I only went towards it. Maybe it is for the best. I feel very cold, like never before, I do not know what I will do, maybe sit down and cry. 2

Limitless - Wish
Suppose you were granted a wish, only one, a once in a life offer.
What would you wish?
Suppose this wish has no limits, you could destroy worlds, build new ones, reshape reality, or simply wish for a piece of apple pie. No one will know you had this wish unless you tell them.
I have had lots of wishes during my life. With a limitless wish I would probably ask something on the level of reshaping reality, or would be in distant planet. Just now I am starting to question my wish, maybe I should do something more drastic, more simple. I have many wishes for diferent kinds of limitations.
So, reveal your creativity, reveal your deepest wish.



Added Message: Warning! Mass System Failure, last request failed. Initiating countdown for final shutdown! 3