Proxy

   I wish I would stop projecting, that I could take this into my own hands and somehow fix it.

   I've tried many times to take action, to choose a path, and to steer towards some direction in this mad sea, but every time I feel the consequences leave me worse than before. Now I'm afraid to act.... to hurt people, to be as evil as I fear I might be, to discount my frustration on people I wish to be happy and understand the reasoning behind their actions.

   I try not to be selfish, but I imagine most people want some part of their life to be the way they want. I've chased my desires for so long, but now the labyrinth of dangers to avoid leave me unable to act, waiting time to pass, to see if the pressure of those unstopping sands can change the world, or claim my bones.

   Watching the flow of time can be a burden on a soul. Specially in the paradox I find myself in, wanting to change paths, but unwilling to take action. And that is where things become unfair.

   I know I have no right to ask this of you, and that is why I don't. But I silently wish you'd take up arms in my name. That you'd find revolt in my situation and be stirred to do something to help me change paths. To say the words I so desire someone would say in my behest.

   I know the words can hurt... I imagine their purpose IS to hurt, and in discomfort cause change, but I've caused more hurt than I can bear for this life, so I know that if those words ever leave my mouth, they will no longer serve any purpose, for I would be dead or no longer care about the changes they could cause.

   Hence the silence I so desire to be broken.

   But I can't ask you to fight this battle for me, this wildly unfair request will remain along side all those unspoken words.

   Yet, I wish you'd be the voice that breaks the silence.

The Sound

I hate it!
Every single thing...
I don't remember anymore if it was always like this.
Maybe it has been too long.
Maybe I always did hate it.
At first it might have sounded like a better solution.
Could have been just a delusional thought.
I was just trying to avoid worse fates.
I had seen what happened without them.
Maybe a long one could help control the fringe cases.
But my ability to access my surroundings only got worse with time.
One more just for precaution.
One more to save other from myself.....
one more to save me from others?
I don't know what I was thinking.
When I realized the situation had gotten out of hand, I had lost sight of any control.
Blind.... sharing this space with that sound.
Maybe I could take some time to recover here.
I should be safe....
ha!....
Hard to imagine I ever had the heart to chose a different path.
Don't think I could have fought through the potential pain.
Then again, never had I imagined things would change like this.
So many restraints.
Growing stronger in time.
Tighter in regret.
Shorter in fear.
Don't think I can break free.
But I keep trying.
And the sound indicates every shake.
Every clank reverberating with the fears meant to keep me in place.
This dark place, forgotten.
My only company these chains that I've created.
Now more mature than my capacity to remove them.
I hate the sound they make.
Every movement a constant remainder of the narrow path to thread.
Yet.....
I fear much more what the silence has to offer.

One Last Question

What will you regret not doing once I'm gone?

Desired Lost Content

As I sink into loneliness,
I find myself perplexed.
All the media content,
Now suddenly on point.

Telling stories of old,
Of new friendships,
Of being together,
Of sharing time and life.

They may resonate the heart.
The desire that is now gone.
But I ask myself why now?

The pain may be gone.
But so is the power to move.
I just want to sleep, forever.

Everything Lost vs Lost Everything

 - "Come on Milla, we need to get home before it gets dark."
 - "But, that man looks so sad, shouldn't we do something?" - She replied pointing at the man sitting in the bench, near the fountain.
Her mother felt compelled to give proper attention to her child's plea, but was hesitant to be dragged into other people's lives. She looked at the man, staring blankly into the water, he barely moved, apart from his breathing and the single coin he kept rubbing between his index and thumbs.
She felt sad a first, she knew Malla was right, she should do something, but the more she looked at the coin, the more familiar this person seemed, until her brain connected the dots.
She grabbed the child's hand and turned to go away, pulling with enough force to frighten her.
 - "Wait, where are we... can't you do anything?" - She cried.
Amanda just walked, with a tear dropping from her eye, dragging her daughter until they are out of sight from the man, just after the corner and she stopped to wipe her face.
 - "Mom?"
 - "Dear, do you remember Vito?"
 - "Yes?" She answered somewhat confused.
 - "He lost everything last year in that accident, his family, his house, money, everything he had spent his life building."
 - "But that was not him!" She interrupted feeling uncomfortable from that sad story.
 - "True, but Vito didn't stop when he lost everything. He began using his time to make sure those kinds of accidents would never happen. He lost everything he had, but he still was filled with purpose, to help others, to do something. Sad as it was, Vito is living a normal life now. That man, " - she held Milla's hand stronger, but her hand was shaking, cold and sweaty. - " His name is Garid, and he had everything. But unlike Vito, things were not taken away from him, no event, no disaster. The only thing between him  and happiness was life itself. As years went by, people drifted apart from him, nothing he did helped, there was nothing to fight, no challenge to overcome, no reason to be more."
They stood there in silence for a while, Amanda shaking, trying not to cry. All Milla could do was hug her, give her the love she was taught to give.
 - "Someone who has everything and then loses it, has nothing to fight against. He can't be strong like Vito, he can only drift in life. He can cling to that coin, to those memories, but ultimately he has lost himself."
 - "But can't we help him? If he only had some love he would feel better!" - She chanted with a child's bravado.
 Amanda's lips trembled as they parted to speak - "I tried,,," - tears streaming down her face.

~ The Adventurer Chronicle 34 ~

... hit the ground with a resounding thud.
- And down he goes. Now this is what I want you to pay attention to" - she pointed at the fallen man - "When sustaining energy for a long period of time... any kind of energy, you have to keep an eye on your reserves. As we've seen here, he has been fighting holding an energy barrier, as well as offensively casting, and all of this stacks, faster than most people realize in the heat of battle."
She circled around him, but all he could was turn his head to follow her with just one eye open.
"See, everyone has limits, and while it is good to keep pushing them, it is unwise to do so in a life or death situation. You can usually push yourself over your natural limit, doesn't require any special training, just the will to do so. Who can tell the consequences of doing so?"
A girl in a blue dress shyly raised her hand.
- "Aliara!" - Neralda said point at her excitedly.
- "Well, when you push yourself too far you can fall to exhaustion. If physical you may be unable to move, mental you might pass out, and spiritual you risk your life."
- "Correct, but he was casting spells, yet his body is the one not moving, why is that? Also, why do we not immediately collapse as we hit the energy limit?"
The girl blushed slightly and indicated not knowing, but looking at the rest of the students, none of them seemed to know, so Neralda continued.
- "Thank you Ali, the reason is in the cycle of energy. We take energy from the universe, most of it comes from eating, but also we passively absorb from the environment. When you practice here, and reach your limit, your spells stop working because you feel safer not forcing yourself, but in battle, when something important is on the line, you will not hesitate to do it. But when going over, your body will go into a negative state, consuming bits of reserve it can spare. When the body feels the strain, it stops giving, and starts taking back. But since you can't give it what it wants, it forces you into an optimal state to take what it needs. In our case, that means the body needs to get energy burnt for mana, the interesting part is until he manages to recover a good amount of mana, any energy he gets is immediately taken to form back those reserves and recoup any losses. So for a big period he won't be able to cast, even if his life depended upon it, even if his body managed to move again shortly, he would still be running empty, and that is a dead mage."
Everyone observed attentively the explanation. Some looked a bit scared, started moving around as if checking their energy reserves.
- "So...

Imperceivable Identifiers

I'm colorblind.
I've known this since I was very little.
It caused a great deal of stress in my early life. It got in the way of education, I was made fun of constantly by other kids.
Two things came out of that.
I learned that I should not be afraid of it, or ashamed. It is part of me, I'm not unique, and I should have fun with it. So I did, I learned to make it into a funny thing to bring up and joke around.
I also learned that colors are not important... or maybe I should clarify, that no color is MORE important. Since colors are simple attributes of materials, they become as important as texture, reflectiveness, smell, bounciness and so on. And that is to say, color is not an important identifier of anything. So I stopped paying attention to them. I only identify color when called upon, or when looking at personal preference (I love yellow and black)
We still live in a world that gives out too much value to identifiers. Racism, sexism, prejudice. Anything like that will judge something to be better than the others. Black is bad, so bad that we can't call someone black. Being a man is good, good to the point that the world is full of advantages geared towards benefiting men.
We need to stop treating any identifier as anything else but a way to identify a person.
The tricky part is, removing distinction, without removing value, is complicated. Very hard to do.
I may not care for what color is an object, but I'm still vastly aware that everything has a color. I will still make choices based on my personal preferences, but at least with colors, I won't act like the color of the object makes it better or worse. After all, liking black puts you in constant attrition with how black is evil, for villains, for monsters, for sad and loneliness in most media.
That is a great exercise for me. Constantly avoiding those stereotypes, light is good, dark is evil in games.
The thing is, being dark, woman, tall, fat are still identifiers, they mean something. We can't ignore those attributes, if we did, there would be no distinction.
And that is the issue.
I know proper colorblind people can live perfect normal happy lives. But the life without colors is a bit worse.
As a game developer, and a fanatic player, I'm aware of how much difference color and sound can make to a game. The lack of colors or sound, can MEAN something, but when they don't, it is just a miserable experience.
Think of something you enjoy, a sensation. Be it looking at the beautiful colors of a field of flowers, feeling the warmth of a hug from someone you love, the smell of coffee in the morning, the taste of that delicious family meal or even the sweet melodies of your favorite composer.
Now imagine, just try, what it would be, if you could not tell the difference from one to another, from the good, to the bad.
Not sure people can imagine this, without experiencing this in some area. But then again, I don't recommend experiencing this.
I would just like that people could understand.
Understand how it is important to have those differences. To know that those identifiers exists. Because only when they exist, you can appreciate what you like.
For someone that can only taste rocks, that delicious lasagna tastes either like rocks, or nothing at all, that person can't enjoy that part of life, can't prefer one food over another.

Nothing is the same, everything is unique, but nothing is more important, what is important, is that we have the identifiers to tell apart what makes us happy, and what doesn't.

The Beating Paths

I was given a choice,
In fact, many times,
Now with no voice,
just a few rhymes.

I tried to be different.
Wished to be better.
Failed to really matter.
I just ended absent.

Past was left behind,
present a chaotic mess,
bleak the future mind,
no power, or access.

Soon my heart may stop.
But blood will still flow.
You can see the void grow.
In time, no more co-op.

Farewell, good bye.
Thank you, so long.
For what was not a lie.
Never made me strong.

Helpless

Have you ever felt helpless?
This is an interesting word. It's meaning is quite clear, but yet the word hold much more on it's formation than what value has been given to it.
As the dictionary goes, helpless is defined as being as the inability to do something about a situation, or someone who is without protection or support.
That is mostly clear, and how we see it, but the word means in itself "without help".
Now you can be without help and still take action. Anyone trying to make a difference, and generally any good in this world will, more often than not, be acting without help. A lone voice shouting through the noise.
You can be unprotected or without support and still not be helpless. Single mothers that rise to raise a child alone, to work and provided are often unsupported and yet they prevail.
So what bears so much weight when someone is truly helpless. What does it actually mean to be helpless.
Being helpless, is a reflection of an inner state, a state which is immutable. In this state, something strong stands alone, something that represents part of an identity. Something that grew inside the images projected by society. This single core stands at the center of everything and yet, in the blind spot of all the mirrors of civilization.
People around you can't see it, because it is behind the reflections they see of the boundaries created by society. People can even realise that help is needed, and the nice people will try to help. The people who care about you, will support your core concept, even without really understanding.
The problem is change, or better yet, the lack of it.
When that help, that support, your actions and choices, do nothing.Because you see, there is a blind spot, a place where no one withing those constraints can see. Not even oneself. Maybe they can see it exists, but what you see is akin to a black hole, a central vortex of entropy a space that reflect nothing from the world you live in. All identity you throw at it gets swallowed and ignored.
It presence is fierce and strong, keeping your own self boundaries in place. Accessing it would require a lot of realigning to fix all the projections to avoid this blind spot, but it is hard to break such force.
And it is after a lot of effort, and external help, when you realise that other people are helpless to help, that it sinks in the true meaning of helpless.

It Ends With a Bye

I guess there isn't much to say.
It has been years since I found a source of happiness.
And while things were bad for some time. It is now that it ends.
With a simple and incredibly painful bye.
It is not that we are apart, or that we need to be apart. It is that there is nothing we could share in the future.
Love should be able to transcend all problems.
Yet love cannot get past the differences in love itself.
One would hope that love would find a way to enjoy a little bit.
But in order to heal, sometimes it must be thrown away.
There is no way for me to tell how much I will miss her. How much I wished we could do our plans together.
How much I regret the problems and the sad days.
How much I wished I was different, better suited to her.
How much I would just like to yell "stay with me".
It is hard to love, know the suffering there is in being together and having to choose not to be together.
Whoever said that love is all you need, was lucky in the type of love he/she had.
Maybe I was not meant to have this love.




It is sad when it ends.

But it is sadder when it ends with just a bye.

Extreme Blindness

Extreme Blindness
It is within human nature to try and defend what they care for.
When I say this, people usually think of the romanticized version of it: The people we love, family, spouse, friends and even people from the same nation.
But if you stop to look around, people are not restricted to that, I'd even say that they don't even consider love when they protect love. Bear with me, this gets tricky. People do what they do, with the general purpose of serving their own purposes, fulfilling their own self sense of value and interest. When people protect something they love, they don't do it out of protection, they do it to not lose the thing that gives them joy, love, pleasure, peace or whatever thing they are after.
People are selfish, and selfless acts are done only with the purpose of internal feeling of being better.

Now, no one is worse than anyone else just because their serve their own purposes... it is normal, more than anyone would admit.
But people are scared. Scared that something will take away things precious to them. And so they fight back... ever so more violent.
In the games industry, debates have been heating up. Stories about people overreacting are getting worse and worse, as if people were trying to top each other in the act of being jerks. Maybe some of them find fulfillment in doing so, someone has to in this vast world, but this has been increasing the pressure into this explosive mixture of a world. Threats are on levels that no one deserving the title of human would do.

Fear is a huge motivator, but fear is a blinding feeling. It clouds judgement. Not like anger that makes you take rash decisions you would regret latter. No... fear is more dangerous. Fear sways your beliefs, changes your actions to a point where there is no regret, there is this self impose justification. With that, even the worst ideas become interesting and self serving. That is when people get killed. That is when life changing decisions are made. Because people will justify ANY action done in fear.
Humans were not meant to experience fear for a prolonged period... fear should be an instant response to avoid danger. Anyone living on a constant looming threat would go insane. And that is how society has been developing so far.

Fear is the essence of how we live. We fear rejection, being alone, getting caught doing something not "normal", being judged, starving... losing the thing we like. That is how people will react so violently over something so stupid as an opinion about the games industry... fear, irrational, uncontrollable fear.
Now, I'm not here to talk about the games industry. That point is done. That fear is instilled.

I'm here to talk about a bigger beast. Politics.
You see, early in my life I thought that politics were about people with different visions of how to run the country trying to get the public's interest in their views. Latter I believed that they were all people trying to get the most money out of a country without doing any relative amount of work. Of course some places the politics are in constant trouble, facing the dangers of ruling an unstable country that could kill them if they did something upsetting. But some other places don't have that... in other places a politician is a person with so many benefits that it would be nearly unthinkable to get to them.

But now, looking at the state of what Brazil is facing with it's upcoming presidential election, I realized something else. The people debating, throwing their opinion around social medias with calls to rally together, with threats to abandon friendships, or even the way they act depressed because people they consider intelligent don't share their view.... that is a whole other thing... an even bigger beast.
I had discussion with my best friend. A healthy one as usual, for best friends would never have issues if they simply can't agree on the same view. There I discovered some interesting things. I would most likely consider myself a right wing oriented person, but he said that due to my opinions I would be considered left. Ok, whatever the label may be... I would still try to remain neutral, as is my belief that progress can only be achieve when you have an unbiased view of things.
Despite being left by his standards, if I were to choose a side, it would be right, and I asked him as being from the left to explain me the points and ideas. We have a similar views in many aspects, but we differ in how to approach them usually.
But what became interesting to me, was realizing that the more I saw his ideals the more I agreed with his points and at the same time the less I believed that any political group would ever care for what we believed is important.

It got me thinking. What is it that people want, and what is it that the politicians will do? As I saw the mountains of personal attacks thrown from side to side, the discussions, how people presented their stances, the more I realized that their arguments were not arguments. What everybody is doing, is justifying themselves.
They are not debating whether this candidate is better for the country because of this plan or that. They've chosen their side, they are simply rallying people, condemning others for not following their path. They are acting like people discussing religion.
They ARE discussing religion. Not the type of religion where people believe in deities. But the type of blind faith that puts them together with a cause. That faith that makes people consider those that are not fighting on my side are my enemies. That great dividing faith in something bigger than you, in a saviour, in the ideal of an almighty ruler that will punish those infidels and will make your life better.

Politics became something much more polarizing then before. People believe without questioning, and attack other people. And what is depressing is that I'm sure all politicians involved couldn't care less about the plights of the people, of the future of the nation. Like all humans, they care about their future, their chance to live the good life, no matter what cost.
And so it becomes about rallying people to your cause, not about showing you can provide a better future for the country, and to that end they pray on fear.
The fear of the people who got benefits of loosing their benefits, the fear of the people getting neglected to keep on being neglected, the fear of the rich losing their power, the fear of the poor suffering more and more.
All of this because the politicians themselves fear. The ones in power fear losing their power, the ones without fear never getting the power to serve their purposes. And so we are no longer discussing politics.
I'm witnessing the battle of blind people, millions of blind people fighting millions of blind people, moved exclusively by faith and fear.... faith in who they believe, and fear that they will lose something personal they can barely understand what it would be.
No one stopped to ask if the other side won, would it be that bad? Would anything really change? No, all they need is to search the internet for that thing they can say to justify themselves... no matter if it is a lie, a joke, or the utmost truth... it is a justification.

Politics became religion, and with the different faiths, personal ties were damaged.

We are lost in fear, and in our blindness, we will only hurt the people we should love.

By your side

I felt I was invincible.
That every pain was worth it.

I miss you.

There is nothing we can do. Now move out of the line.

That is how my trip to Disney started.
I got up at 4 am, after a 2 hour night sleep. But I was not really tired, I was too anxious about travelling.
I got to the airport around 5:30 am, and went on my way to the chekin for Virgin Australia. When I got there there was a very big line, and no one to provide instructions. After a few minutes lost understanding the deal about the form for leaving the country I got back to stay in line. There were only three attendants trying to get through all the passengers that were trying to check in.
A little over an hour I stood in line, behind a mom alone with a little girl and a baby boy, she was trying to see if there was a special line for her so that she didn't have to wait all that time while handling two energetic children. But no one was there to help her, the only attendant that appeared talked to her briefly and vanished for half an hour. Only when she got near the end of the line they opened a easy path for her to cut ahead of the few people in front of her. A few more minutes it was my turn to checkin.
Now, mind you, I never had any problems during checkin. It was always a simple process of asking the questions I had and handing the documents they asked me. So I was very surprised when after most things were given and all the questions were answered the man taking care of my checkin frowned and said that he had to check something up.
After a couple of minutes looking in the system he told me as bluntly as emotionless that I required a transit visa for Australia to board the plane, so he couldn't process my boarding pass, and this was around 1 hour before my flight. As my brain tryied to wave off all the implications of what he said, in favor of forming questions on what I could do he simply stared at me, barely blinking. After I asked what I could he said that I needed to get the visa, but since mine was a Brazilian passport I need a stamp from the embassy, as opposed to the eletronic visa that other countries' passport requires and can be obtained on the fly, but since it was a saturday I would need to wait for monday to go to the embassy. Then he handed my documents back and stood back as if waiting for me to leave the line.
I tried asking what else could be done, if he could check with immigration on australia to see if there was an alternative, but only said he could provide me a phone and I could try calling them on my own but it would have no effect. After a few minutes of me looking desperately looking for solutions, a supervisor showed up. Hoping that she would have the authority to provide a viable solution I tried explaining my situation again. She looked over the monitor that the attendant had open, and turned to me and said: "Yes, there is nothing that we can do, now please move out of the line" and she called for the next customer to take my place.
After being removed from the line I went to the Flight Center facility in the airport to try and sort out the mess that I was in and was never even warned by the person that booked my flight. There I had to wait an hour to be heard, as since my flight was leaving in an hour there was nothing that could be done fast enough to allow me to be on my flight, so I was not urgent. Understandable, but when you have an hour to wait around and think about the shitty situation you are in, the depression thends to sink in.
When the only lady working there got a moment to help me she looked over my situation and told me I'd have to wait until the manager of the store where I bought my ticket got there, and I could either go back to the city, or try working it out from there, but I'd have to wait around 2 more hours. And so I did.
I talked with him over the phone, trying to figure out a way to get me to USA without going through Australia. A lot of hours lost in this process and a lot of money spent that I didn't have, I got a ticket for 10 pm that same day. With an 8 hour connection wait in LA.
So after 40 hours inside airports and airplanes, with barely no sleep, I was very happy to arrive in Orlando.
But as the curse goes, my problems were not over.
My bag got checked by the TSA, and without having a TSA approved lock (I did not know those existed), my lock was broken into, and with a polite message the costs of it were NOT responsibility of the TSA. So -1 lock.
I got a glass shard inside my finger almost as soon as I got to the hotel.
My glasses broke on the second day there.
I had to deal with lots of issues money wise, not only my own, but also the others.
Stresses with people.
Parks closing early with nearly no warning.
Rides that I wanted to go on closed, or me arriving only after they closed.
My umbrella, that my father gave me, was lost.
The ticked that I requested an extra bag for on the way back AND payed for, did no go through, so I had to save some money to checkin a second bag. And a LOT more money to pay for the excess weight, despite the two combined being under the combined limit.
So of course my flight back had to have some issues. My first flight got delayed for one hour before departing due to paperwork. And I had to endure a Brazilian lady next to me complaining the whole trip. And and extra 30 minutes after we landed just waiting for a gate to open so we could taxi into it. But that is not bad... noooo. I can wait no problem, but my flight can't, so all these delays resulted in a missed connection and after long trips around terminals I got my flight booked for the following night, and since Delta was responsible for the delays, they gave me a cupon for a stay in a hotel, and after a lot of begging some meal vouchers because I didn't have enough money to eat.
And after all that, and of course the extra waiting I finally got back. I day latter than expected, so with lesse time to rest or organize my home or get food, but no other big issues, apart from a blown fuse in the transformer I use to charge my DS.

I'm just venting off at this point. It was a horrible experience. And despite the serious lessons learned, what I will take with is, NEVER TRAVEL WITH VIRGIN AUSTRALIA. And until I find enough reasons, I will avoid Australia as well, because been treated differently because of my country of origin, not my current country of residence, having to go through a different process than other that takes nearly a month to complete, and cost who knows how much, just to spend 2 hours waiting for a connecting flight is a fucking stupid jerkish move, and fuck anyone who does that. (Not that Brazilians don't deserve that sort of treatment, we do deserve all the flak, but I reserve my self the right to hate anyone who engages in this generalized sort of discrimination)

Never missed my routine this much.
But I still have to fix a lot of things that got messed up in my life, so no rest for the wicked.

Frozen

People get so caught up in things.
This world, these differences, are just to much pressure on our own human nature.
After all the conflicts, all the wrong doings of the past, and no lesson learned.
We still find ourselves drowning in hatred.
We know how fast things have been changing. Trends, technologies, markets all change in a matter of years, maybe months, weeks or even days.
We are mostly a grand nation, united in all that the globalized cultures of the world can offer. Yet, we have our borders, our societies, our laws, to remind ourselves that we are not part of something bigger, that we have to share and live with different but similar people.
All this creates a great void in where we can't live in our own "society", but we don't want to interact with people in our community. We are forced into conflict with other people's opinions when in the end, it does no matter.
This leads to hate.
The internet leads to hate.
We are thought to fight for our opinions, and when we bump into a dissenting opinion on the internet, we "have" to fight.
I know the whole discourse about the anonymity. The internet's "greatest" flaw. But in the end, all that does is give voice to those who did not have before.
It is easy for people living in the internet to not even care or know about conflicts in the real world and vice versa. And in the end, everything is shifting and changing because of both of these behaviours.
It's become far too easy to criticize.
It is a profession at this point. And at least it provides a service for people around the world. But criticism may lead to a blurred line on values. What happens when you see something again for the 10th time when you're a critic. You write it off as bad, not innovative, old, repetitive. No matter how good it is. That is when it turns to anger again. A fight between the dissenting opinions. A fight that does not see the big picture.
In the gaming world we are so eager to see the next big flashy thing, and some people will think it is great, and some people will think it is just the same with little new. And as usual, both of them are right and wrong.
And thrown to the side, dismissed as unimportant, as not true to the values, we see those old lumbering titans, doing what they have been doing for so long. Longer than most people care to remember, so long and so different from the changing sands of the ever fast present.
But there is a reason why they are still there.
It not simply because they do what do better than anyone else. It is not because they are trying to satisfy their need for money.
They are there, because even if we don't know it, we (as a species) NEED them.
We need those titans because no one else will do the dirty job that helps calm hatred and instill hope.
Take a glimpse at "Rise of the Guardians" if you want to understand the need for hope.
In this world filled with hatred, we need, or inner child begs, these things.
Not matter how evil and greedy those corporations may seem, the provide something far beyond their products.
Coca-Cola is older than anyone alive, and despite it's consumer oriented business on selling products, it does so by spreading a little bit of joy and wonder. They spread the message to live and enjoy. Check any commercial. The message is clear, it is not about self empowering, it is about enjoying live.
Nintendo has taken all the criticism for what it has done in that last few years, from betrayal, to abandon, old feelings were hurt. Now, it is hard to come a flagship launch that is not labeled as more of the same. Yet, in a market where almost every product seems money oriented, it is hard to find something, that has a positive message to it, something that carries hope, like nintendo's main titles. It is not simply to save the damsel, it is the illusion that when the "world" is in danger, someone will rise. There will always be hope for heroes. That is the good behind it, the one we are missing.
At lastly, the best and most guaranteed source of hope and good messages. Disney/Pixar. All of the animation studios put out so many great titles, they are all making this world a little better each year, but I want to focus on the old titan. Disney is very old. It was a pioneer, it was a creating, the catalyst. All to tell a message. Disney has been there for a long time and they still put out movies every year build up around the same base premises. There never was a horror story, or a movie in service of action, it is always been about the same thing. Love. While I've heard a lot of discussions about gender stereotypes set by disney, it is not the point. How you view or perceive correct behaviour and societal norms, is up to each individual. In the end, each story, independent of your view, is a reminder that there is love to be found in the world. No matter how bleak your life may seem, and let's face it, most people haven't been cursed by witches, so you're bettor off right from the start. It shows us that there is always going to be trouble in life, but if you do your best, good things will come of it. And sure, life is not as simple as that, but if no one teaches us that we need to do our best, be ourselves, and not do anything evil, then how can we have any hope?
Frozen is a great movie, it is true to what Disney does best. And it is what this world needs a lot more of. A lesson that you should love more, and suppress your hate and not do harmful things for your own benefit.

No matter how many problems people may have with these titans, they are still giving hope to people. A lot more than those people wasting their times criticizing them on the internet. Next time you think about complaining about something, try to use your time to make something positive instead. Don't waste your time on hate. Life your own life to it's fullest and remember that you don't need to waste your time on people that don't agree with your, the world is large and there will always be people to share things with.

There is love to be found everywhere. On any person. We need it more than we realize. And I look forward to see what great drops of hope these great companies create every year.

Consequences
I guess there are many ways to see consequences.
I woke up thinking about the simples things I did or said, and what consequences did it have, if they even HAD consequences.
Consequence is often defined around a simple paradigm: Everything that follows an action, is a consequence. Often an action is a consequence of an action, this is the more known as: to every action there is a reaction of equal and opposite intensity - which in itself is only a slight simplification of one of Newton's laws of motion.
But this definition is not so helpful, as it is meant to apply to two bodies applying force.
As I said, there isn't always a reaction, I guess most of the time the reaction is nearly imperceptible. The action isn't in itself a physical manifestation of force and motion. When you look at something you perceive, and this is an action, and what you fell - as a reaction - is the consequence of perceiving.
But what happens when we keep tracking the same line until it vanishes any analytical perception?
Take this example first: You go see a movie by yourself, and the experience is undisturbed, and you watch a very fun movie. Simple, you see something, that something makes you have fun. But that is only as far as action-reaction goes, everything else, is consequence, and consequence takes you far, very far. After the movie, you are happier, so you are more inclined to enjoy life, to stay up latter, to accept invitations that could otherwise seem uninteresting. More directly you call your friends, and recommend the movie, some may have seen it, triggering a long conversation that eventually derails from the movie topic into something else, possibly resulting in plans for a get together.
I've said before, you are where you are, because you chose to be. In the end, it is true, but I say this now only to make it clear, that the consequences of your actions far back, still linger on today, resulting in the place you are.
But consequence has some subtle differences in itself.
I'll use some terms here, as I see fit, and don't know if there is some formal proposition around this.
Let us start with the Logical Consequence. Logic is that in which reason uses to predict what will result. If I let go of the apple in my hand, logic stands that is will fall. A Logical Consequence, is one that can be measured and predicted in some way, like the falling of the apple, or the glass breaking as a stone passes through it. It is interesting to note, that most LCs are physical, but not always what you expect. If you threw the stone at a reinforced window, it might not break, I may seem illogical to you, but there is a reason for the outcome. It's of much debate whether a mental reaction would be logical. If you tell a joke, it would be logical for people to laugh, but not to cry, and yet outcomes do vary, so it seems rather pointless to try and apply reason where a person is involved.
Temporal Consequences are something along the lingering effects of an action. When the apple falls, it JUST falls, but there is some temporal effect resulting from this change in space, maybe some animal that might not have reached it before can eat it now. Maybe the apple landed on a ground mine and changed the landscape around it nearly permanently. This is perhaps the most important type of consequence you need to perceive. Because long term effects may branch out more, and therefore determine how much that action affects you. For example, you are in the middle of the traffic when a car cuts in front you from one of the streets that end up where you are, you would most likely feel angry, upset, or whatever, BUT the car turns into the next street and leaves the whole traffic system you are in. Apart from a mild chain reaction of slow downs, the car is not in the system, in your way, so there was no consequence to his action in the long term (at least to you), so you shouldn't be upset. This is important, many actions you take, many things you see, end at that point, or soon after, and don't really change your life. BUT this is where it gets tricky.
The Personal Consequence. Each person, reacts and feels differently depending on the situation. Take the car example, had some one been sleeping in the back seat and woke up after the other car had left, they wouldn't have felt anything. This extends anywhere, and this is mainly why we suffer so much. A more personal example, I for one hate horror movies, yet, I went with the family and girlfriend to see one. By the end of the movie, I felt bad, but other probably liked it, and felt it was an interesting film, to me it fell into the category of things that shall never be mentioned again, EVER. My reaction is completely personal, and the film has definitely NO connection to reality or my life, it's just a fictional film. It was my own mind that created a consequence, out of whatever excuse it wanted to use, to the film. My reaction is (probably) not logical, and neither a response to something in anyway permanent in my life, but it has consequences nonetheless.
This is why we should be wary of what actions to take, and how to respond to the universe.
Ignoring the car the got in front of you may lead to less stress and a better life, ignoring the horrible movie experience might allow me to see incredible films that I might have missed as consequence.
When you take an action, if at all possible, evaluate the weight of the long term consequences and avoid those actions that harm others.

Astral Hell
This term, I don't know if exists in english, refers to the period preceding one's birthday. Usually the 30 days before.
It is regarded as a bad period, where things tend to wrong, bad luck strikes all the time, and people just stay in a bad mood.
I know some people who believe in this. I myself have suffered from this bad period, but I see it a little differently.
While I did think that worse things happened around this time of year, as well as bad things happened more frequently, it was the part of me that had to question my worth, my meaning in this life that got me depressed every time.
The reasoning behind this was questioning why people were nicer to me this time of year, and only at this time of year. Could be just in my mind. It is after all a human made excuse to have a specific time to give the ones you hold dear a token of appreciation. It's just the time of year elected to do it, so it's embedded in our culture. That doesn't mean they care less the rest of the year. Or maybe it does.
My deepest wish, for the past birthdays, was that my friends would show me that they cared about me the whole year. No presents, no demands. Just "I like you", "You are important", "I miss you" and (more importantly) "I'd like to do something with you, let's go out" on random days through the year.
This has been my drama for, let's say, 15 years. I HATE THIS TIME OF THE YEAR.
I hate thinking that people are being nice out of a social obligation.
I hate to think that my friends don't know me enough to buy me an adequate present. But hey, most people can't do this effectively. And even if they could, I'm complicated. I have most things I want, if I want it and don't have it, is either because it's too expensive for me (and therefore something one wouldn't ask of a friend) or it is inaccessible to me (due to my country and laws and such). I'd much rather have the gift being a "favor" in making the thing I want accessible to me, and I'd be glad to pay for it. (Just like I did with a friend last year, who got her sister to bring me a game which I wanted so much, but couldn't import at a feasible price).
It was never about getting a physical object, it was about having a friend show you that they'd do something to make you happy. To be honest, I still wish it very simply: that my friends would simply play with me, give me some priority in life.
But I digress =P
And for the FIRST time in 15 years, ohhh it's been a long time, I'm happy (around my birthday).
This last few weeks have been the best in ages. So great that I feel I could win the lottery any moment. Or that the only way it could get better is if I did win the lottery.
Job offers, Diablo 3 beta key, fun games, fun times. Oh, and a girlfriend. Who until further notice I will hold responsible for my smiles.
You see, Astral Hell is about the time in which you question the values of your life. In which you gaze upon the reflection of yourself in the people around you. And the most common time to do this, is around your birthday when people are paying attention to you.
But whether you feel happy or sad, depends only on whether you care about what you see or not.
All the troubles I had a month a got, relationship issues, feeling insignificant to life, games that won't work for no reason. They don't matter anymore.
I have someone that makes me feel silly happy. Whose smile makes me feel happy. Whose kiss just can't be put in words.
Oh heavenly kiss.
I wish people will understand one day how I work regarding presents, how all I need to be happy is my friends by my side (wanting to be by my side)
But for now, I don't care, I just want to see her smile.
Thank you, for giving me this gift. For my 113th birthday.

Prepared
Oh how it hurts.
No matter how prepared you are.
You've heard it a thousand times.
You imagined how it would play out.
But you can't tell yourself how much it will hurt.
There will never be enough preparation.
I miss you.
I miss even the most stupid things, like the path to you.

Oh how cruel is life.
But there ain't no rest for the wicked.

Language, Culture and Disappointment
You know, I've always had mixed feeling about preserving culture.
Like, I'd like the world to speak only one language, to be easier to communicate around the world, but at the same time I think each country should have it's unique style.
In France there's been some controversy with the ban on Islamic Veils. For one I think it's one of the stupidest thing humans can do, banning choices of clothes. But I can respect the idea of keeping the population from adopting a norm that I naturally find stupid. I think if you go to another country to live there, the least you could do is to adapt to their culture. Which is my next point.
I've been to Miami and Orlando last week. The differences are incredible. Miami has been taken by latin people. 90% of the people I met spoke horrible english and were more fluent in spanish. While I have nothing against they migrating there, I think it's a disrespect that they don't even try to learn the language of the country they live in. I entered a KFC and everyone was speaking spanish, even the cashier spoke in spanish.
Orlando on the other hand, while being packed with tourists visiting Disney as I was, almost everyone spoke perfect english. I saw far less brazillians in there then in Miami, considering how the city is build around tourists, the proportion of foreigners to americans was impressively low.

It's weird how these things are... each country has an impressive and different culture, and I think everyone should be able to experience any culture they want. But living in a country should mean respecting their culture. And culture should never get in the way of communication, understandings and a more connected and evolved world.

Facing the Truth
6 years ago my life changed... drastically.
We look at our past, and remember events.
Since that day, so many things happened.
I've seen deep fears come true. I've seen the selfish side of humans.
I've seen how helpless I was, and in the process, how self absorbed I acted.
I know, when people are plunged into their worst nightmares, there's little they can do to act civil, and I see how poorly, despite my age, I reacted.
My actions had their ramifications, and consequences. I've lost important friends. I saw how fragile the bonds around me really were.
I learned how to turn despair into resolution, and took arms to fight for my own freedom. But I fought the wrong battle, I fought to free myself from the shackles of responsibility, instead, I should have fought for myself, for my humanity, for being a better person.
I've paid the price. With the road I choose, the power I used, there was a cost. As I knew, it was steep, but blinded I saw no other way.
I traveled. Far, close... to many places. I've seen beauties in my country that make me proud and humble to live in this planet. I've gone abroad, with friends, and for a slight moment, on my own.
I traveled with friends. And with family too. I've seen that different places, are not so different.
Neither are people.
I've had lots of fun. I had friends to keep my mind busy most of the time. I created stories, games, songs, adventures.
I've changed jobs a few times.
I moved to a new city. And met new and incredible people.
I was robbed... twice. But, despite the frustration and injustice. It is as insignificant as a grain of sand in the beach.
Countless movies.
I've got engaged in worlds that now I hold so dearly with me.
I've bought two videos game consoles.
I got to know a face of beauty and kindness. And even though, we are apart, she gave me a lot, and I am thankful and wish everyday for her happiness.
I've got to live some adventures.
Being at a distant view, I saw the changes in bonds around me. Bonds filling with tears. I saw unexpected bonds blooming incredibly.
I heard people telling to wait.
I heard people telling me to take action.
I learned that it's not about either one. MY life, is about reacting, doing the things needed when they are needed, and waiting when it's right.
I miss the life I had.
I miss what I was.
But it's not about what could have been, or what I should have done. It's about making my life the best it will allow me to achieve.
I won't forget that day. I think I can't. I'll take it with me to my grave, or to the crematory if anyone pays attention to my desires.
But six years latter, I realized something I've known for some time.
That day, that day of the year, contrary to the first few years, is no longer a part of my life.
Despite it being a reminder that I now don't even pay attention to, I does not affect me.
My life now is fully independent from that event.
Despite what I do feel now, despite the price I paid or the memories that will serve as lesson, I don't care about that particular event anymore.
My life has found a path with no intersections with that event.
Not that I'm celebrating of complaining.
It's about accepting.
It's about me fully understanding that my life has moved on. Full of troubles and sorrows. But glowing with friends and fun. Still with a lot of opportunities. I don't need to look to the doors that were closed, or the doors that opened. I just live in a knew situation, and I'm focused in dealing with it, and not the past that led me there.
We can't fight things stronger than us. But it is still our own story, and we can answer to the call of the wind, take the stage without questioning, and act the lead role of our lives.

The Consuming Power
For a while now I've been wanting to analyze the difference and main aspects of both Rage and Hatred. First we begin by the dictionary definitions.

Rage:
1. a : violent and uncontrolled anger b : a fit of violent wrath c archaic : insanity
Hate:

1 a : intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.

Even though they seem to refer to almost the same emotion, even by looking at the definition we can see the nature of both is different.

Rage, often associated with fire, is as said, uncontrolled. Rage comes as a severe reaction to an event. Rage usually bypasses all rational judgment, fueling one's desire to action. It makes them act violently, being straightforward and trying to solve the problem instantly. The downside, is that when ignoring all rational thoughts, one is very prone to make some mistake, or take an action they might regret. It can be seen as something that consumes the body, empowering it, while rendering one's mind disabled. It make your body more ready to take action, ignoring fear or personal safety. Any animal trying to protect their young from predators, is showing anger.
Hatred works very differently. Hatred is not something one suddenly feels, it does not lead to immediate action and it does not cloud someone's judgment. Hatred is a byproduct of other emotions, if one can't properly process one's emotions, they might end up turning into hate. Being mistreated, abused or psychologically wounded may lead to hatred. Hatred has a point, it's own agenda, and it leaves one's mind free to calculate, think and plan how to complete this agenda, with least personal damage. Hate does not prepare the body to do anything, it occupies the mind to think, but the mind is left intact, but there is one problem with hate. Hate consumes the soul. It changes people's attitudes, the way they see the world. It kills innocence. It may not lead to action, but those willing to take action, are likely to do something drastic.
None of these are good to feel. While anger may lead to a solution to an immediate problem, it does not last, it leaves no scars, but the occasional regret of some action taken. Hatred on the other hand may seem like a way to end pain and other negative emotions, but is a one way road, it consumes and changes.