Today is my birthday.
So I am running away.
Not that I have any reason to do this.
It has been several years since my last happy birthday. I remember my mom going out to buy tons of my favorite food, while all my friends were with me at home, swimming in the pool, playing my new games, laughing at life with no problems.
Life has become too complicated. It is not just having a fun day with everyone I like, many people I like a lot, wouldn't be with me on this day. I still don't know what I want to happen so I can have a nice day.
This day is supposed to be the one day of the year where people should be nice to me, give me things I want and try to make me happy. From what I have seen, no one knows what that means, what I want or how to make me happy. I honestly don't want to see anyone failing, on the only day they try, to make me happy.
(I hope no one takes me wrong here, I know the things you all have done for me this year, without some support and some days I might not have made it upp to this day. I thank you all for the many things you've done for me. I am sorry for all the bad things I did to you. But I must say I grew tired from all the discussions, I am tired to be always wrong, always the bad guy, my words being twisted so I will look bad, my opinions ignored, my preferences disrespected, people making constant fun of me, being alone when I want company, fighting my fights alone.)
I don't know what to ask of anyone, and I don't want to make anyone sad, specially me. So as soon as I finish this I will go away for the day. Try to find the peace I lost. Try to find a place where my soul can rest, rest where no one knows my name and I only will expect to enjoy the place until midnight.
I still believe that I do not belong to this planet. But I am trying to make people happier. As of many times I seemed to fail at this, yesterday someone told me how important I was to her. Opposite to what I would expect, I didn't get emotional, but somehow a strange wave of peace and happiness flowed through me, and I felt reenergized.
I know I am important to many people.
Some times it seems I have a low position on their priority list.
I miss having someone to fight by my side.
I miss being trusted.
I miss making people laugh.
I want to make each person feel as good as they make me feel.
As of this day, I want to smile, be happy and in peace. And I wish that everyone has a happy life.
Joyce, your sweetness has been soothing.
Elisa, your concern has been moving.
Thiago, your loyalty haas been energizing.
Adilson, your wit has been invigorating.
Guilherme, your peaccce has been contagious.
Bruno, your stile was inspiring.
Anderson, your devotion was awesome.
Leticia, your smile has been strengthening.
Rebeca, your care has been sweetening.
Andrea, your company was restorative.
Miriam, your perception was gentle.
João, your interest has been calming.
Gustavo, your knowledge has been intriguing.
Otranto, your spontaneously has been pleasurable.
Renato, your support has been appreciated.
Flavia, your presence has been undescribable.
To every other friend I have, thank you for all the talks, for all the new experiences, for every happy moment and for being my friends.
Good-bye, I am off to my search, be back on sunday.