Pois frente ao fim do semestre, ando obrigado a extrair forças do universo para poder continuar...
Vai lá Goku, Genki-dama não é só sua não...^^
Encontrei no meu aniversário um momento de paz e tranquilidade, um momento sem pensar nas outras pessoas e na vida, um momento sem esperar nada do mundo, só esperava ter um dia de sol, e Hecata me deu o apoio nessa área, valeu por todo o apoio nessas horas. Paz que eu tivesse encontrado, não me é satisfatória, afinal eu não quero ficar sozinho, quero andar com pessoas que gostem de mim, mas paz e calma sempre funciona melhor doque decepção.
Fugir da vida é impossível, assim como eu não podia escapar todas as decepções atreladas ao meu aniversário, ao menos devo dizer que é interessante passar um aniversário sem ouvir ninguém cantar parabéns pra mim.
Agora volto a minha rotina e todos meus problemas, tenho trabalhos a fazer, matérias a estudar, provas a enfrentar, e continuo sem apoio quando coisas ruins acontecem.
Eu me pergunto se um dia vou encontrar alguém que tenha bondade no coração pra ser gentil de vez em quando.
Agradeço as amigas que sempre me foram meigas e gentis, sinto saudades da presença de vocês, a vida é difícil quando ninguém ao seu redor se preocupa em ser gentil com você.
Mas agora está chegando no fim, faltam poucos desafios, e finalmente poderei ter um descanço. Sei que serão férias conturbadas, muitas coisas a estudar, não sei ainda se vou ver minhas amigas. Aguardo a volta do Adilson pra poder continuar o RPG. Terei curso de verão, devo ainda me preparar pra muitas coisas.
Semestre que vem devo lidar com a separação da turma, que agora seguirá cada um por suas escolhas na faculdade, onde provavelmente eu lutarei sozinho em muitas coisas.
Duvido que ano que vem seja melhor. Teremos provavelmente menos tempo sobrando, oque significa que de acordo com a lei de distribuição por prioridades, eu devo ver menos os meus amigos, muito triste isso.
Enfrento ainda os dilemas de lidar com uma turma onde minha opinião sempre cai solitária, a intolerância das pessoas e a falha em entender um ponto de vista alheio.
Não gosto das minhas espectativas futuras, e não faço ideia doque fazer pra mudar isso. Quero muito achar alguém que goste de mim e me de um pouco de apoio, seja nas discussões, seja moralmente, seja espiritualmente ou seja apenas pra me fazer compania quando eu ficar sozinho.
Estou seguindo em frente, não sei sobre que bases, muito menos com que forças, mas espero ser capaz de lidar com o futuro, ao menos meu espiríto encontra um pouco de paz na sempre eterna e gloriosa musica do "Suscreen".
"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. "
Maybe there is still time so I can find a reason to enjoy life.

Today is my birthday.
So I am running away.
Not that I have any reason to do this.
It has been several years since my last happy birthday. I remember my mom going out to buy tons of my favorite food, while all my friends were with me at home, swimming in the pool, playing my new games, laughing at life with no problems.
Life has become too complicated. It is not just having a fun day with everyone I like, many people I like a lot, wouldn't be with me on this day. I still don't know what I want to happen so I can have a nice day.
This day is supposed to be the one day of the year where people should be nice to me, give me things I want and try to make me happy. From what I have seen, no one knows what that means, what I want or how to make me happy. I honestly don't want to see anyone failing, on the only day they try, to make me happy.
(I hope no one takes me wrong here, I know the things you all have done for me this year, without some support and some days I might not have made it upp to this day. I thank you all for the many things you've done for me. I am sorry for all the bad things I did to you. But I must say I grew tired from all the discussions, I am tired to be always wrong, always the bad guy, my words being twisted so I will look bad, my opinions ignored, my preferences disrespected, people making constant fun of me, being alone when I want company, fighting my fights alone.)
I don't know what to ask of anyone, and I don't want to make anyone sad, specially me. So as soon as I finish this I will go away for the day. Try to find the peace I lost. Try to find a place where my soul can rest, rest where no one knows my name and I only will expect to enjoy the place until midnight.
I still believe that I do not belong to this planet. But I am trying to make people happier. As of many times I seemed to fail at this, yesterday someone told me how important I was to her. Opposite to what I would expect, I didn't get emotional, but somehow a strange wave of peace and happiness flowed through me, and I felt reenergized.
I know I am important to many people.
Some times it seems I have a low position on their priority list.
I miss having someone to fight by my side.
I miss being trusted.
I miss making people laugh.
I want to make each person feel as good as they make me feel.
As of this day, I want to smile, be happy and in peace. And I wish that everyone has a happy life.
Joyce, your sweetness has been soothing.
Elisa, your concern has been moving.
Thiago, your loyalty haas been energizing.
Adilson, your wit has been invigorating.
Guilherme, your peaccce has been contagious.
Bruno, your stile was inspiring.
Anderson, your devotion was awesome.
Leticia, your smile has been strengthening.
Rebeca, your care has been sweetening.
Andrea, your company was restorative.
Miriam, your perception was gentle.
João, your interest has been calming.
Gustavo, your knowledge has been intriguing.
Otranto, your spontaneously has been pleasurable.
Renato, your support has been appreciated.
Flavia, your presence has been undescribable.
To every other friend I have, thank you for all the talks, for all the new experiences, for every happy moment and for being my friends.
Good-bye, I am off to my search, be back on sunday.

Peace and Burden
So life has given me many opportunities, from my point of view I have screwed most of them.
So many things, so many pains, so many relationships.
My burden has become more than I can carry, so I dump part of it on others. I ask myself why should others bear with me this which is my choice to carry.
I am sorry for things I bring upon those around me, I never wanted to be such a hassle specially to those whom I really like.
My life has been lately nothing more than trying to find some peace. This has turned to be an unfruitful venture, as my life brings me constant worries.
But now I scream loud and clear...
I really want to rest, lay down and find some peace. The peace I once found in friends arms, now rests in the past. So I find myself lost, not knowing where to find such place.
So many things I would like to hear, so many things I wish I never said, so many things I would have done differently, so many futures I don't want to see, and among so many things, not a single light shines in my life.
Oh friends, that time to time bring me a shed of hope, your happiness is the only true reason for me to be here. I bless you all for the time and effort spent with me, I hope I can someday return the good moments, with twice as much happiness for you.
But my soul still wanders, in the lonely dark light of the night, in search for a time and place where it can sit and rest. Go away from the demands of life, and find the peace I only thought I could have near Selina.
Tears to those who fought and fell.
Tears to all my regrets in life.
Tears to pains I have caused.
Tears to the peace I've lost.

Human?
I am starting to think I am not human... it is just not feasible to exist such a prime difference between me and humans.
I always had evil toughts, just like anyone else I think, but opposed to what I hoped for, I seem to be one of the few rare people that fight against these toughts. Not that I can get rid of them, just that I wish they never happen and usualy feel bad when they do. It just deeply hurts my hopes to see that people actually enjoy seeing others misery, even if it is on an fictional world.
I do believe that my friends are good people, I think the best of them, but sometimes(like now) I fear that I know no one(or maybe one or two) that is really good, most seem selfinvolved, selfish or just sadistic.
So what, I am bitching about human kind here, just because I have had a few bad days. Not that it gives me the right to bitch around, but the problem resulting from this is that I am losing faith in human kind... in peace... in love... and sadly, in friendship.
I just never have been so much time away from people that were actually caring. I really miss having someone to talk about life, someone that would really give me hope, hope in humans, and in firends. I see so many people online, and only a few talk to me, but they rarely give me any support. I just wish someone would take me away from the crowd and make me smile again.
I gather hope from every funny chat, from every little thing I can, but at some point, hope will become really hard to find on my own.

Well I know that life has its up and downs.
So most of the time I try to think that no matter how down things may seem, there will always be an up waiting in the future.
This sometimes may turn to be very disapointing, but mostly it keeps you going.
Today I just don't seem to be able to comfort myself with the excuse of an temporary state, that will soon pass, bringing happy and unexpected future.
I really miss some parts of mi life.
I miss talking to my friends, loosing hours in knowing new things about friends.
Hehehehe, I some times have the impression that only one, or two friends come to talk with me, specially at MSN.
I miss having long talks, long chats, being part of other peoples lives.
I see many people conected, most of them I don't try to talk with anymore, the others come in silence and leave in silence.
So I gets late, and I go to bed, and many have left before me, without even saying "Hi!", to those who are still there, I wish a good night, in silence, because I am tired of going after everyone.
Good night to everyone.
I hope the silence in my life will fade away in time.