Astral Hell
This term, I don't know if exists in english, refers to the period preceding one's birthday. Usually the 30 days before.
It is regarded as a bad period, where things tend to wrong, bad luck strikes all the time, and people just stay in a bad mood.
I know some people who believe in this. I myself have suffered from this bad period, but I see it a little differently.
While I did think that worse things happened around this time of year, as well as bad things happened more frequently, it was the part of me that had to question my worth, my meaning in this life that got me depressed every time.
The reasoning behind this was questioning why people were nicer to me this time of year, and only at this time of year. Could be just in my mind. It is after all a human made excuse to have a specific time to give the ones you hold dear a token of appreciation. It's just the time of year elected to do it, so it's embedded in our culture. That doesn't mean they care less the rest of the year. Or maybe it does.
My deepest wish, for the past birthdays, was that my friends would show me that they cared about me the whole year. No presents, no demands. Just "I like you", "You are important", "I miss you" and (more importantly) "I'd like to do something with you, let's go out" on random days through the year.
This has been my drama for, let's say, 15 years. I HATE THIS TIME OF THE YEAR.
I hate thinking that people are being nice out of a social obligation.
I hate to think that my friends don't know me enough to buy me an adequate present. But hey, most people can't do this effectively. And even if they could, I'm complicated. I have most things I want, if I want it and don't have it, is either because it's too expensive for me (and therefore something one wouldn't ask of a friend) or it is inaccessible to me (due to my country and laws and such). I'd much rather have the gift being a "favor" in making the thing I want accessible to me, and I'd be glad to pay for it. (Just like I did with a friend last year, who got her sister to bring me a game which I wanted so much, but couldn't import at a feasible price).
It was never about getting a physical object, it was about having a friend show you that they'd do something to make you happy. To be honest, I still wish it very simply: that my friends would simply play with me, give me some priority in life.
But I digress =P
And for the FIRST time in 15 years, ohhh it's been a long time, I'm happy (around my birthday).
This last few weeks have been the best in ages. So great that I feel I could win the lottery any moment. Or that the only way it could get better is if I did win the lottery.
Job offers, Diablo 3 beta key, fun games, fun times. Oh, and a girlfriend. Who until further notice I will hold responsible for my smiles.
You see, Astral Hell is about the time in which you question the values of your life. In which you gaze upon the reflection of yourself in the people around you. And the most common time to do this, is around your birthday when people are paying attention to you.
But whether you feel happy or sad, depends only on whether you care about what you see or not.
All the troubles I had a month a got, relationship issues, feeling insignificant to life, games that won't work for no reason. They don't matter anymore.
I have someone that makes me feel silly happy. Whose smile makes me feel happy. Whose kiss just can't be put in words.
Oh heavenly kiss.
I wish people will understand one day how I work regarding presents, how all I need to be happy is my friends by my side (wanting to be by my side)
But for now, I don't care, I just want to see her smile.
Thank you, for giving me this gift. For my 113th birthday.