Unchanging Changes
I realized, in the most bizarre way possible, that things have taken a course I did not expect.
As I was my whole life, I am afraid of changes. I didn't want to change schools, I was afraid of going to college because I did not know if I would meet anyone. I never wanted anything to change, and as life carries on I could not avoid some major changes, no changes were deeply bad, some may have caused some pain, but I never seen a change in my life that really made me regret it.
After many thoughts I came across the words I told myself. It was one unusual day, I was having some discussions over msn, and trying to get a grip of my emotions. As someone told me I would have to change, and as I said I could not change, one voice inside me said:
- Hey your life has changed many times, and you never had as much problem as you imagined the changes would bring, so just wait and things will change in time.
So came the answer that made me shake:
- But, even with some many changes in life, you are just as you were many years ago, your life is not much different from your past!
I stopped to think about this... and it was true.
I fought my whole life against the changes happening, and where I thought I had failed, in reality, I suceeded. Of course, many things in my life have changed, but looking over the great picture, it is just the same, I still am going do school(college), I am still single(oh crud! ^^), I still have troubles to see my friends(like that would ever change), and so on.
I live the same life as before, but with new components, new people, new challenges. Lets say I am still fighting the same battle, but now I have new enemies, new weapons, new clothes, new surroundings.
I wonder if I can, or should, change the great picture, most little changes I do not like, but I think it is because they are little that I don't mind the changes, I think things should change on their own natural way.
But as things go, the thing that bothers me is that it all was kind of expected... almost like I could tell before things happened, but that is going to be my next topic.