Lives and Dreams
I guess every living being has dreams, at least that is what I believe. Each one dreams about being happy, and finding the things that will make one happy. Some believe that when you achieve a dream, you will feel empty and will find another dream, some people do not believe you can find happiness in simple things, at least not a happiness that will last. Even I, with so many reasons to belive otherwise, I still think one can find true happiness and live in peace with the world. Maybe I am wrong, but I think I will only find out the day I die.
So I live to fulfil my dreams, I have some dreams I won't be able to accomplish, at least I think I won't, those farfetched dreams with super powers and things like that. I was born to do one thing, and I am trying to do it. This one thing that almost no one does anymore, something that people give little respect, and that brings no reward, but it is something that makes me feel better as a human being.
Even so my dreams part with my purposes. I dream about finding happiness just like anyone else, finding someone that will be by my side, someone whos presence alone will make me smile, someone to share my life with. I dream about being able to finish college soon and going to work doing what I like most. I dream of finding people that will be with me, going out, playing games, sharing problems and helping with mine. I dream just like anyone else.
I always thought it was normal to look up to people, there was this friend more intelligent than me, I wanted to be like him. Same for my stronger friend, my tall friend, my popular friend and many others I admired and tried to evolve to suit their best qualities. But then it came...
The surprise life reserved for me, one of the few things I could not predict or even expect. I have seen most my pains approach slowly, and see my efforts to avoid them fail sadly. But not this time. It just snuck upon me this time. It was someone, someone I thought was just like me a few years in the past. I somehow related to this person, my own illusion was to believe that our thoughts were similar.
Not only has this person revealed its own ways, but now it seems as it was a different person back then. I was surprised. So much changes. So many masks.
Why has things gone this way I do not know. I do not hate this person, as I prefer being friends with. I like meeting new people, specialy interesting ones. I find something amusing about this being, it like there is no awareness inside the soul. So what is the big deal? Well... the problem is... this person is living my dreams.
I would like to say this is me overreacting, and at somepoint it may be, I would love it to be resumed as this person got the job I wanted. But it is not that simple.
This person, is younger, has achieved more, and it's life has brought everything that I was led to believe that I ever wanted. Friendships, family, health, all the things everyone pointed in my life that I had, and therefore had no reason to be sad, everything this person has beaten me. The friends answer to every call, to do anything, even do nothing. The family has not the tension and pressure existing in mine. The health is near perfect, having not the problems I have. Life itself seems to agree, in a unexplainable way, and work out for the best for this person. People tend to side with and follow its very steps. Love has brought more than ever brought me. The games played, and the ways played, and the time to do everything, is just the way I wanted. The way I never could have, and probably never will.
It makes me wonder why. Everything I ever wanted, all my dreams, given away to some random person. Why is someone else living my dreams? I worked my whole life to be a nice person, but that is rewarded with what, nothing, instead I have to watch my dreams and hopes fade away within another persons life.
What may bother me the most, is to see that this person is sometimes sad. Living everything I ever wished for(almost everything), and still that is not enough. One wants more. My dreams are not enough for others.
I hope no one goes through this.
Ok I will stop being overdramatic, and soon will post the last part of the 18th chronicle, just as soon as I get in the mood.
I have done so many things to make others dreams come true, and make them happy, that I have no ideia what I should do for myself. Seeing my dream in someone elses hand has taken all my hopes away. I have nothing in the future to live for. When did this happen?