Paranoia.

Would someone close to you lie? I say lie in a matter of a really big lie, for no necessary reason? Just so... no it couldn't be true... could it?
No...no, no, no... it would be a needlessly unstable lie, it would eventually fall apart, and it would be for no reason.
I prefer to believe it is just paranoia I feel some friendships of mine already falling apart, if it were a lie, I would probably lose two friends...
I already feel lonely enough. I hope nothing takes my friends away from me, at least not any farther. But I really wish they would show me that they still want to be friends with me. It would restore some of the hope I lost... it would give me reason to fight another year...

Smiles.

One of those moments. One people normally don't forget. An effort to make someone happy.
Gathering most of her friends, to surprise her. A simple gesture to say how special she is, and how many people like her.
It was nice to see her smiling like that. She was smiling, like that was one of the best things that ever happened to her.
One of the few conforting things in my life, is to see these moments.
She really deserves to be trully happy.

Envy.

This year I started to envy other people. Because they are living the dreams I wanted to be living.
I want them to be happy, but I can't avoid feeling sad, because they got what I wished for, and I still got nothing resembling my dreams.


Opening my heart to my friends, letting them reach it.
People say you shouldn't surroung you heart with barriers.
But mine is deeply wounded, my friends... they...
I miss them...
I have been so alone.