Vor sechs Monaten, mein Leben drastisch geändert. Meine Willensenergie wurde über seinen Begrenzungen hinaus geprüft. Jetzt glaube ich, daß ich, ich überlebte sehr harte Herausforderungen stärker wurde. Ich bedauere, ein besserer Freund sein nur nicht zu können.
Ich bete, daß die, die verdienen, ein glückliches Leben leben. Ich hoffe einen Tag, den ich weniger Schmerz und mehr Freude verursache. Verzeihen Sie mir, denn meine Sünde sollte jemand lieben. Und für diese Liebe, wünsche ich Sie glücklich.
Mai holt die Zukunft Leute zusammen mit ihrer zutreffenden Liebe, also hat jeder Frieden. Glückwünsche auf diesen sechs Monaten, hoffe ich, daß ich nicht eine große Belastung für niemand war.
~ Thomas, Sonne von Hecata ~

Hypocrisy
I know I like to argue, discuss about life, the universe, and everything.
I think that disagreeing with others may cause evolution, the exchange of knowledge, the learning new points of view. Of course one would have to be willing to learn for this to work.
After many exchanges in my life, I find most thoughts to be unsuprising. I may not ever agree with others point of view, (ok most of the time I don't agree), but at least I know when someone is glad with what they believe, so I respect their opinion, for it might be right, or for all that counts, right for them, even if wrong for me. There is little point to disturbing a system that is in peace, as long as that system doesn't conflict with mine, leave it to be happy.
So I may believe unnecessary to learn more points of view, at least not at this momment, it is not something fulfilling for me, and most importantly I feel complete with all the knowledge of my life, now I must go for something more important than perspectives.
I makes me feel strange, the fact that what I wish for, is completely different than what I pray for every night.
I feel a hypocrist with this. Praying for something that isn't really what I want. Not that I don't want my prayers to come true, I want them to come true, but I know that if they did, they wouldn't satisfy me, not enough, so would find something new to pray for.
I can't pray for my wish. Not because it is nearly impossible, or because it would umbalance the world, (not that there is anyone concerned for the balance of the world), I won't pray for it because I would feel less human, it would be less according to my code of honor, because I don't want to admit such level of selfishness.
I hope one day to wish for something more like my prayers.

A fantastic definiton...
I read this passage recently and I found it perfect, not by an elaborate description, but by the simplicity of the most perfectly wierd situation describable!
"It's the wild color scheme that freaks me," said Zaphod whose love affair with this ship had lasted almost three minutes into the flight. "Every time you try to operate one of these wierd black controls that are labeled in black on a black background, a little black light lights up black to let you know you've done it. What is this? Some kind of galatic hyperhearse?"
~ The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Douglas Adams" ~

Bonds
I was thinking... I was dreaming... I was wondering...
I was trying to understand a part missing in me. Something that was fading as time passed.
Then as I was discussing with a friend when he said to me that it was somehow sad that he didn't know very well his own friends, the ones he spends most of his time with.
It got me thinking, his words. I say my friends are the most important people in my life, but it is wierd that I didn't know a friend of mine was going through an operation, I didn't know my friend's sister almost died, I don't know where one of my friends is or that I haven't heard any new from one of my dearest friends for the last month.
So what is wrong? Did I stop, at some point, trying to know people? Or is it just getting harder to know people? Maybe both... but either way, I have to say I do not like this situation...
I love to sit down with someone, on a peaceful place, and talk away. I know I have some trouble coming up with subjects to talk about, but that is something to be thought at the moment of the talk.
I fear people are having less time to spend with friends, so they don't spend time alone with a friend, instead they try to spend "friend time" with all friends, resulting on what my friend said.
I would really love if I could go out with one friend at a time for a change, but that only happens when it comes to having to do work in pairs. I hope I can change the situation, and enjoy long talks about life with my friends, I would like to know what is going on, if there is any trouble I can help with, if there is something we could do together to have fun.
Efectively, I would just like to create bonds to my friends.
"Friends come and go, but with the precious few you should hold on."
~ Baz Luhrmann - Sunscreen ~

Pensamentos...
Depois de um longo dia, entre cenas estranhas, filmes gostosos, filmes tristes, conquistas pessoais, confissões desmedidas, silêncio, lágrimas, músicas, risadas, animações, testes, estudos, lembranças e muitos pensamentos, eu termino o dia pensando tantas coisas que eu quero mais é dormir. Penso em como as pessoas agem.
Aqui eu vou apenas ficar com uma referência, que no meio da confusão da minha mente poucas idéias fazem algum sentido, porém esses sentimentos representam uma parte de mim ainda imutável.
Uma parte daquilo que eu sinto está representado numa música, que não só por seu significado lírico, mas também por eventos de minha, ela representa algo especial.
Essa música, cujo nome eu não revelarei, tem em seu começo um pequeno comentário:
"Não alimente os sibers"
Imagino que algumas pessoas até saibam de que música se trata. Ela me fez compania em muitas noites regadas a sentimentos. Pra mim ele representa muita coisa doque eu estou sentindo.

Eu pretendia escrever uma coisa diferente aqui hoje.
No meio de todas as minhas lágrimas, eu resolvo mudar isso.
Eu queria prestar duas homenagens aqui.
A primera é para o escritor Douglas Adams.
Ao ler seus livros vejo um jeito gosto de falar da realidade, explicar coisas que não necessitam explicação, mas são explicadas pra trazer humor para o mundo.
Meus parabéns, suas histórias são dignas de entrar pra história do mundo, e serem lembradas e contadas até o fim dos tempos.
A segunda é para Daniel Wallace o escritor de "Big Fish", que mostra oque é tentar trazer alegria pra vida das outras pessoas. Adaptado por John August o filme é fantástico, um conto gostoso, pra revelar a bondade das pessoas que tentam trazer um brilho novo pra vida, mostrar um jeito gostoso de contar as coisas para que os seus ouvintes sorriam mais.
A vida não passa de muitos fatos, e em sua maioria não é interessante. Mas sempre existe um outro jeito do olhar pra coisas, porque a vida naum precisa ser algo simples, pode muito bem ser uma história fantástica.
Eu muito quis, eu ainda quero, que minha vida fosse assim, mais uma história a ser contada doque os simples fatos que a formam.
Eu queria homenagear as pessoas que se esforçam pra tornar a vida das outras pessoas uma vida mais alegre. Aqueles que não esperam nada em troca, mas mesmo assim fazem as pessoas sorrirem, dos jeitos mais bobos, ou mais elaborados, seja contando histórias, seja comprando flores, ouvindo as dores dos outros ou mesmo maquinando sem que os outros saibam, pra que no fim as pessoas estejam sorrindo. Eu admiro essas pessoas, queria ter o dom de trazer alegria pra vida dos outros, queria que meus pais soubessem que eu amo e admiro eles, que meus irmãos são especiais pra mim, queria dizer pras pessoas que já me deram um ouvido que elas não sabem as alegrias que elas me trouxeram, queria que meus amigos soubessem que a compania deles foi oque tornou possível eu estar aqui escrevendo isso, queria que minhas amigas recebessem em dobro todo o carinho que elas dedicaram a mim, queria poder fazer essas pessoas felizes porque elas merecem e muito ser felizes.
Um dia gostaria de escrever como esses dois autores, tocar a vida de outras pessoas, como eles tocaram a minha.