Change
It is a well known fact that humans are one of the most adaptive beings.
And as such, I have changed lots of concepts in my life during the last 8 years.
I remember that as a child I used to think that love was something weird, that kissing was a bizar thing to do. At the time I was confortable to say that I would never marry nor have kids. I made no acctual distinction between girls and boys. That would sound strange if I weren't 7 years old.
Latter I came to discover why people were so concerned with this love thing, even if it were a really strange situation, I felt that heart-pounding sensation, that unreasonable adrenaline rushing in my body, that second stretched through time as if it were an hour.
It was a new thing, interesting but not yet really needed, so my mind focused on this thing about existencialism, to come to a conclusion of that what a longed for. In the next few years I came fond of a of a more complex relationship, one of mutual caring. This feeling of being taken care, or watching over for someone's happyness, I felt peace in the arms of some girls. This also was new.
After some many different experiences I face now the greatest change in my life, as a human I am expected to change, but I never wanted to come to this situation. Now I lack a piece of my soul, this love thing that I still don't really know what is, I once thought it was useless, unimportant, now I find it strong enough to render me weak and sad, with no strengh to raise and fight.
Today I still think that I will not marry or have children, but now it is not because I want that way, it is more of a fear, a sight of the future, but I think I will have no choice in this matter.
I have this void, I fear it will never be filled, and the pain my soul bears is greater taen I could ever have expected, now I am nothing but a child crying from its fears.
I don't want to die without ever being loved back,
I don't want to die alone,
I don't want to die...