Christmas
Well, long has passed and I've neglecting this blog.
Well, we passed through that 200th post, and I have lots of subjects lined up.
But I've been enjoying some rest after all the struggles I faced.
So soon I'll be writing more often hopefully.
For now, merry christmas to everyone, and good celebrations all around during this time of year.

From us all,
Maelstron, Maxim, Thomas

The Death of an Angel
Well, I don't mean an actual angel, she could be from any race. Maybe part angel, maybe part shadow, maybe part demon. What matters is how she acted, and she did it like only the angels you imagine do.
Steph. That's her name... or at least part of it.
She grew as a timid person. She didn't know lots of people, but she still wandered around smiling and observing. She was very calm, extremely patient and thought before acting.
She had few friends. Those she had she vowed to protect. She formed a special kind of bond, even though they did not know it. She was the one behind the simple things, the one who went after that special gift, or the one to give support whenever needed.
Life was simple. Her only troubles were things that made her stronger.
Her observations gave her unique insight of the world, or that's what she believed. But she knew she had lots to learn yet.
She realized how people around the world related to one another. How there are groups of peoples, split by what they do in life and how their priorities stand. The funny thing she discovered was this hidden, barely known group. She saw how life took it's course, but near everyone happy, there was someone working the extra mile, cleaning the stones in the path.
Most people aren't aware of these people. Well of course these people aren't invisible, they talk with everyone, like any ordinary person. The difference lies in their actions. The way they do things to make other feel better, they work on simple things, like carrying your drunk friend home or paying attention to their preferences. They do nice things, but... they don't take credit. You see, people complain whenever something bad happens in their life, but they rarely question when something good happens. Sometimes it's luck, some are fruits of hard work, but when one is having fun and enjoying a good streak one almost never stops to think it could be because of someone else.
As she grew her own identity, she felt that this was her style, to help, in the silent of the night. She took every opportunity she could, was it a sad face, or the nickname in the messenger or simple tone in someone's voice. She tried to get to know people, just to help. She listened to others, that made them feel better. She paid attention to details. She tried to be nice. This was her routine.
Bound to her own life cycle, she continued each day with her routine.
Bonds with friends were loosened through the years, old companions left her life. She didn't realize the consequences of this, so she focused on her friends.
New friendships began. Old ones broke. She was in transition to a new stage of her life.
Things were different, more mature. She still had not found her missing knowledge.
Critical changes were at her front, she had to react in order to preserve her vows. So she adapted.
This critical change, the loss of a friend, the now more mature part of her, and the need to stand on her own gave her the snap of knowledge she needed.
She would come to regret this.
She felt for the first time helpless. No action could save this old friendship. She felt that this was something important to people. Friendship was a feeling worth preserving. So she dedicated herself to her friends.
After some choices, a road lead to a pot of happiness for her, this second chance with her past.
This was the time to learn. She was beside one of the greatest angels of all time, and she met another one during this same period.
One thing about this particular group of people. You know how most people tend to live with people like them. So geeks go with geeks, artists hand with artists and well, most people follow this pattern. It is all about finding the group where you identify yourself. But contrary to these groups, "angels" don't hang with angels. They seek people who need them, or for some natural unexplained reason, people who need them seek these guardian angels. From what she observed, she never saw two true angels hanging together. Usually, we consider the group of these guardian angels, and the group in need of help. The thing is, this one way relationship does not help the angels. Since angels don't usually help each other, angels are bound not to get help.
Helping, like doing anything, without recognition is a consuming action. Being an angel implies not to expect recognition.
She found this mirror of her own identity, she look at what she was. She saw what she wanted. She wanted to be able to depend on someone. She wanted an angel for her. She wanted the one thing she could have.
These two angels in her life saw her on the ground, weak, in despair. They took her by the hand, and put her back on her feet. They helped her to survive her own breakdown.
When you're about to break up, you have the small chance of seeing beside you an angel, maybe more, even if you are an angel. You realize you have someone to protect you.
So she found renewed strength in the comfort of other angels. And so she went on with her mission in life, helping people.
She lost countless afternoons talking with people, trying to give them confidence. Hearing their problems, helping them solve them, even the simple ones like math homework.
A lot of learning and growth followed through that time.
But as years pass, time becomes more scarce, and people more distant. But still, the will to help held on. Driven by the will to pass forward the help received she went forward.
A friend's marriage fell, an old colleague passing through a rough time. Some friends with trouble with dates. And each time less time to pay up her own maintenance cost.
She felt the distance with her friends on her wings. A huge weight keeping her from moving in a good pace. She blamed the angels for leaving her, just to elude her from her fate. She was once again alone.
Eventually she found a new set of people to be with.
As she tried to help, make this new set of people feel happier, hope grew with her, the hope her wish would come true. Time was just enough for her dream do scale out of proportion, rendering her depending of that false hope.
This, as it may sound, is quite big. To hope so dearly on one thing, depending on how one person will react, is a really risky gamble. Going against all her common sense, and her own advices, her dream went on.
She felt bad, she knew not why, she had some perception that her dream was about to end. But no one, and I'm yet to find an exception, can brace themselves to see their dreams fall apart.
So it hit the road, on a sharp left turn, it all ended. But wait, we are used to see our dreams die, change or adapt. We do it since kids. Those who dream of becoming soccer stars, astronauts or even curing cancer, but eventually end up in something more "realistic".
It's sad, but it's how we are raised.
So, this critical stop on the wall on the road wasn't that big of a deal. In fact, she knew she could get through it. The catch was, was could not do it alone.
Getting yourself up is hard. It's far more easy to get someone else up. But angels get no help, if they are usually unseen, when they lie on the side of the road, silent, they are even more invisible.
She sat there alone.
Silence...
Deep silence.
Then a little sob.
Her mind was cracking, she kept questioning her own self, asking herself if she was a nice person, if she hurt anyone, if she deserved to be alone. She began to convince herself she deserved to suffer.
Angels should never strive for justice. It's against their nature. Yet, when everything is down, we all wish things were fair. That the rich didn't have so much money, and the poor so little.
Now, when you're suffering, and you rather believe in justice, the only conclusion is that either something really good will happen, or that you deserved to be where you are.
Time passed. Too much time. She did not recover. And no one... waited.
She felt truly alone, and since there was no prospect of good turns, she went with the only possible thing to accept. She was not nice.
She developed this trail of thought. She did what was nice to her, and that hurt people, even if they were her most inner and natural actions. So, in order to help others, the best way was to stay away.
She raised, the little she could, and went on her way. Slowly, everyday farther from others.
No one missed her.
The echo of her voice gradually faded into oblivion.
She was alone.
She ignored her calling.
She ignored those in need. And she felt worse each time.
A year passed down this road.
A year is a long time. It may seem to pass quick. But when each day you look into your own actions and judge yourself, one year is far too much.
The guilt drove her weak.
The feeling of failure drove away all sense of purpose.
She lost a reason to go on.
Why take the next step she asked.
No one answered.
Angels, may fade away. The don't simply die. They fade, disappear from everyone's lives.
They vanish, until not a shred of them is traceable.
She was so sweet.
She is now, nowhere to be found.
She left this world, into a place with flowers as far as the eye can see.
The sad thing... is that...
she will not be missed... because no one ever saw her work...

Meltdown
While I do admit I have been stalling to post here, I did it only because I had no time and wanted to do a quality post. Since this is post number 199, there will be some time until the next post. Unfortunately I have no time at all. My brain is in the current state of a yellow mold, just like a gooey weak substance with no power to do anything but sit there.
It's been some months, I done some tests, have been developing my graduation project. And on the very little time I've had I played some games.
Now, just out of a test, I have some homework to do, but my brain has collapsed. I've been feeling nauseated and woozy since yesterday.
I'm fed up...
I want to relax a bit.
And lately people have been pressing on my last nerve.
I also had some psychologically straining family matters to deal in my head, and my own abilities have been leading me to suffer before time.
Life seems now too fragile to challenge it.
Well, I'm here just to say I'm alive, soon to return to my usual postings. I have some interesting things lined up to post.
Let's see, maybe I can post 200 on my birthday.
Well, I should go back to my obligations.
Until next time.

Luck!

O Fortuna                           O Fortune,
velut luna                          like the moon
statu variabilis,                   you are changeable,
semper crescis                      ever waxing
aut decrescis;                      and waning;
vita detestabilis                   hateful life
nunc obdurat                        first oppresses
et tunc curat                       and then soothes
ludo mentis aciem,                  as fancy takes it;
egestatem,                          poverty
potestatem                          and power
dissolvit ut glaciem.               it melts them like ice.

Sors immanis                        Fate - monstrous
et inanis,                          and empty,
rota tu volubilis,                  you whirling wheel,
status malus,                       you are malevolent,
vana salus                          well-being is vain
semper dissolubilis,                and always fades to nothing,
obumbrata                           shadowed
et velata                           and veiled
michi quoque niteris;               you plague me too;
nunc per ludum                      now through the game
dorsum nudum                        I bring my bare back
fero tui sceleris.                  to your villainy.

Sors salutis                        Fate is against me
et virtutis                         in health
michi nunc contraria,               and virtue,
est affectus                        driven on
et defectus                         and weighted down,
semper in angaria.                  always enslaved.
Hac in hora                         So at this hour
sine mora                           without delay
corde pulsum tangite;               pluck the vibrating strings;
quod per sortem                     since Fate
sternit fortem,                     strikes down the string man,
mecum omnes plangite!               everyone weep with me!

Ever changing, luck can drive you crazy. One day you feel lucky, win prizes, bets, nothing seems to be able to stop you, the next day every little thing, from forgetting your wallet, to being arrested for driving without license, goes wrong.
Luck will always change, untamed. Some have more luck than others, just look around you. Isn't there a person that seems to have all the luck. Someone you've never seen anything bad happen to.
In balance there is people who seem to fight against luck itself. Everyday struggles to get to a destination without something bad happening.
Why is our lives tied to something so unpredictable? What to do then?
Nothing... live.
Try to flow with it. Seek harmony, and go beyond the problems of luck.
Luck, the very essence of the randomness in life.

The Outer Triad
Our life takes us through many things. And even with many decisions to take, and things to balance in life, we still must keep up some principles.
But each person lives in different places, and therefore may have to live up to different principles.
But important things should be global. If possible, universal.
But then again, this will never be true. But I have my own principles. Some that I believe defines a person and one's worth.
After all. We are social beings, so we cannot live alone. But this requires us to have social rules that can guarantee a pacific life, without clashing about every little misunderstanding.
So what is important? To your life you must fight for your happiness, but so that you don't have to brawl with people you know, you must not interfere negatively in someone's life or even against their will. This is tricky, I know. Many moments in life you have to think ahead and see how your next decision, next action will affect the lives of people around you. Just so that we're clear on this, sometimes your decision may affect others, and when you choose not to hurt someone you get hurt, this case is where your decision is neutral, after all, the same ruling goes all ways.
Well, then lets start.
Honor. One of the oldest values in life. One each day more rare to see. People each day are less prone to stand by their word.
Dealing with honor is hard. Means to have respect to others, never back down on your word. This may not seem important, at least not much at first. But in the long run of your relationships, this is what can always be remembered and considered about yourself. A person that lives with honor is usually dependable, and people will know that.
Honor is very subtle thing. I goes from a variety of situations, like not attacking your enemy from the back.
Complicated, but still, a great virtue to balance.
You may think that honor is all it takes to balance socially, or even include this in what honor comprehends. But I feel that this has a meaning of its own, being specially important to have trust in the people close to you. Loyalty.
Loyalty is the greatest key to trust and depend on someone. When you are in danger, you will count in someone loyal to you, someone who does not wish your harm.
Loyalty comes in many ways. You may see the groups of jocks who band together always loyal. A friend who vows to never let a man come between you two or the people who will follow you through hell to help you accomplish your goals.
Balancing this means you are reliable. And of course, you can only expect people to be loyal to you if you are loyal to them, it's a two-way deal.
As any action taken has deeper ramifications than it appears, one should be more aware of his/her decision. What to choose? Good question. Most likely, whenever you had a decision to make you chose the least selfish decision, but, to make this clear, it was probably not a selfless decision.
People are in general, hummm...., kind. Kind meaning good, but not very good, just a bit towards good... nice. So when those people have to make a decision, they don't go upfront doing whatever pleases them most, they tend to think a bit about the people they care about before they do anything harsh.
Should one think about everyone in the world before a decision is taken? Yes... ideally. But of course this is impossible. So who should you think about? Well, there is no easy answer to this. But the simple form of thinking that should lead to the most balanced solutions is just be fair!
Fairness, this is tricky. You have to take a hard job to do this... become a judge. You have to look from the most points of view possible, than think about the consequences to anyone involved. And make a fair decision, even though someone important to you may dislike it.
Being fair will not make you more popular with your friends. But will improve your valor as a person. Siding with your friends, with the winning side, doing the easy thing, these kinds of decisions are easy to make, but probably will lead to destruction. Taking sides is socially important, but manifesting your point over other's lives should be done with extreme caution and fairness, after all you wouldn't want to deeply wound someone for your mild comfort, would you?
In the end, even if some people close to you dislike your fair decision, true friends and those capable of understanding, will know that your decision was for a greater good.
Honor, Loyalty & Fairness. Three values in life that should be balanced, for the sake of your social life and the peace among mankind.

The Sun Hidden in the Veil
The usual path, though normally dull, reveals surprising things sometimes.
Maybe it was the good mood, or the odd weather that has been going on... you know, with people freezing around here. But still, it was a great sight, maybe even a good omen.
The sky has this veil of clouds, gray, small, roundish, very close to one another and going from one side to the other side of the horizon. It covered all the sky, even though they were clearly segmented.
All sky except for the end of the path in front of me, where for some reason they halted all at same time, creating a thin line, very straight line. The way it ended gave the clear impression that the veil of clouds was as thick as a normal veil is, despite the fact that it blocked visual access to the upper parts of the sky.
At that very end, the sun was either rising still lower than the horizon or rising already behind the veil. But the sure thing was it's proximity. The rest of the horizon, above all other distractions, and under all clouds was the shinning light of the sun, painting the end of the path yellow.
To the left smoke rose from somewhere. Too distant to see where. But the small rising blackish rising cloud just left of the golden horizon and going upwards to meet their gray counterparts made this path seem right.
The strange thing was that the clouds. When you looked upwards to see them they had this blot pattern, and were so still that one could swear they were looking into a painting, one with lots of single, strong strokes to make clouds.
Great sight to pass through any path.

The Elements: Introduction
As I find a mood to discuss this, I come here to introduce my concept of the elements that form our universe.
This is only to explain what I'll do.
I'll be trying to show what our culture believes of such element, try to put my opinion about those beliefs, explain my understanding of each elements and analyze a bit about life in the process.
There are many things one could say about life and creation. Of course, being it all a mystery all we can do is guess and play with elaborate plots. In the it probably won't matter, being that will never discover the absolute truth.
Some people believe weird things. I'm no exception. But as people believe in horoscope, and that a single daily phrase maybe true to 1/12 of whole population of the world, we observe how people want to see a pattern, anywhere, in their lives, in the news, in their test exams or even in the sidewalk. We have some reluctance about accepting the randomness in life's daily routine. So I will try to bring up one more pattern for us, not about some as accurate as the horoscope intends to do, but nearly some behavioral patters one might find useful to pay attention.
For starters, I'll leave something for people to imagine. I say there are 16 elements that are the base elements of life. Some are extremely common, some just common, some a bit unusual, and one that never is perceived as an element. If I'd ask you, what do you think are those 16 elements?

Unstable Feelings
Contrary to what the topic might suggest, this is not a bad thing.
Just something strange that happened to me today.
I was at the super market, buying some things to cook/prepare tomorrow. I was at the speed line (the one destined to people with up to 20 products, I'm not sure of the term in English) behind two clients. The first one, already passing things through the clerk, had lots of things, and was deciding about taking or not an extra set of plates. Took some time for the speed line, but ok.
The second client, which at first I thought was with the first, was just and old (I think he was old) man carrying just a bread pack, if I'm not mistaken a pack with 12 small breads. When the clerk finished with the first client he stepped up, handed a two-Real (name of the currency here =p) bill. The clerk passed the bread, picked the money and handed the bread to him again, then he left.
Strangely, this is the reason for this post, at that moment, just before he paid the clerk, I felt somehow happy, that comfortable, at peace happy. I thought of this old man, coming alone, quietly and peacefully coming to the super market just to buy a pack of breads, leaving as simply as he must have come. Though this set may seem sad, the simplicity of the act, and undisturbed peace he seem to have made me feel more human.
Maybe it all culminates to me from the events of the day, and the full strain of my emotions. But I felt happy, for apparently NO reason... and that feels good in the end of the day.

So, soon it will be the post number 200. I'm trying to come up with something very special, though maybe sad, to post as number 200. If it goes as I plan, it should be the second best post I've done here. I look forward to it...

Taking Cover
Our weird society led us to a life with, for an almost unknown reason, a life more filled with misery, stress and sadness than a happy careless life.
This is widely known, even Douglas Adams made a joke about this in his epic collection.
But still, if you pay attention closely, you may find some strange, and unusual, things in our lifestyle.
I was heading for my car, after a long day in my college where I finished two, somewhat troublesome, programs I had to make. Even knowing I could sleep more at peace at night, my attention turned to the, extremely troublesome and painfully hard, program I'll have to make until the end of the week.
It struck me, not as unusual, but as a memory, something that I knew, and thought I should post. People, tend to put easier, more pressing troubles upfront, so they can hide their disappointment until the unavoidable, boringly annoying trouble can't be delayed anymore. This makes them go longer with a better humor, because they "block out" the trouble in their minds. Of course, some troubles and some people just don't work this way, but this may happen more often than you imagine.
I see lots of people, filling their lives with things to do, just so that they don't stop, and see the real problems in their lives. The ones that they don't want to face.
Funny like we managed to conceal pain with less painful troubles just so that we can keep a smile and positive mood most of the time.
I wonder if this is good?!.

The Edge Between Extremes.
There is a place, some weird and uncharted place, where extremes meet. Not any extreme, the most common one, happiness versus sadness.
This place, is kind of a fluke, you don't realize when you enter it of even when you leave it. This place, has a thin line, commonly seen in many different places, where two different states are separated only by this line. The difference here is that you have states with such a difference, where they would normally have many states in between and that much lines dividing them.
So I know not how I got there, or how (if) I got out, but there was I.
When I saw that scene, classic happy ending, at the same time I felt that empty feeling like that same ending was missing in my life. So process took me to a familiar place, the tear filled eyes.
As the tears feel, the pain and sadness collided with the warmth of the happy ending, among the chaotic breathing, with the classic running nose, I was crying because I was happy, AND because I was sad.
This, my people, is truly confusing.
Maybe there are more lines between extremes, but this one I've seen in person.

The Beauty of Death
What do you think about death?
If you ask any person on the street, around you, a friend or just someone you know, good chances are that the answer will be around "death is bad, I don't want to die"
Of course people don't want do die, and those who want usually try to kill themselves. Eventually there will be people who will say they don't care, that life is bad, that they look forward to death. This can be because killing oneself is not as simple as the will to die, and of course many people who "look forward to death" will cower when time comes to meet the grim reaper.
Some say death is part of life. Well, if you live you'll die, hence they are intrinsically connected. But even if we know well die someday, people fear death like it is the weirdest thing in life, like they didn't know it was coming. This is strange to me in someway.
Life, as much as people generally like to live, is not even close to fair... and so while some people seem to get everything they want, some seem to be cursed to fail at anything that might make them happy. Some people, I believe, really do have nothing to live for, this leads to one powerful but sad thing, they do not fear death. Like a movie once joked, you don't have to fear a man afraid to die, you have to fear the one who is NOT afraid to die.
Some people live, but aware that they'll eventually die, and they enjoy every single moment of life because someday they won't be able to do so anymore. I guess this philosophy is a great one.
But that is not the seven headed hydra that they say around it. Death, as much as life is part of something really beautiful, just look around nature. Many people have understood this, death brings life, from death the most beautiful things grow, and they one day will die, this cycle remains constantly bringing this awesome flow into the universe.
If you've seen some good dramas, you probably have seen another great thing about death. People are unusually true to their nature around death, be it the one who lie to get his ass out of it, or the one will joke around because they have no respect for death or the one who cries desperately because they find death to be the ultimate tragedy. And for this same reason deaths brings out one good thing... literally a good one. People, usually, are "gooder" when in the face of death. When someone close to you is dying you treat him/her better. When someone died, people arise to comfort those suffering from the tragedy. And of course, my personal favorite, when one dies, this legion of people, friends, family, co-workers, people from old days, they all appear, sometimes as if from nowhere, to say everything they didn't say because they are (I apologize for this) stupid. They come to pay respect, they come to show sympathy, they come to regret their bad-timed words, their unspoken voice the not getting to know one better. Of course, those who feel the backlash of death suffer, and my sympathy goes to them. I believe in this moment arises a kind of unique opportunity, not that anyone will take it, but this may be the time for some people to reflect, upon their own life, are they happy, are they treating everyone fairly any question about life. This can, and probably will, lead to personal growth.
Dealing with death is always hard, but life is not easy, why should death be?! But there may be important consequences in death. If you have an encounter with the reaper and survive, just think about your life, don't take such event for granted. In the same fashion, if you know someone who is dying, observe, talk with him/her get to know the life of someone who has not the luxury of changing his/her own fate. See what motivates them in their life, the rest of it. This may prove to be enlightening to you.
Death is here to show us what really matters. And it is important to know what makes you wake up the next day. Why do you live?!
My personal advice, if you have nothing to live for, DON'T look for death, it will find you when the time is right. Until then, live on doing something you find important, even if it's not something that will make you wake up the next day, but you may change people's lives to the best, and maybe in the process find something that makes you want to see the next day.
And remember, honor the dead, those who are dying and death itself.

Energy Waves
- You remember when we were little, we used to play around with our energies all the time.
- But that's because we were hyperactive children. Grown people don't just spread energy waves around for no reason.
- Yeah, but grown people also do many stupid things, so... they're not the best model for this comparison. But still, energy waves can be felt all around, even without expanding it, or actively using it. They are part of our "personality".
- But there are those who can conceal their energy.
- Yes, I should know. - he grimed - But they are not a majority and neither do they conceal their auras all the time.
- So you believe these auras, even if we don't consciously try to track, we feel and our response changes accordingly to other people's energy?
- Mainly. It would explain more things than thinking it is wrong.
- Like what?
- Well too many things to keep us here more time than we should. But I could exemplify one more evident.
They turned the chairs in which they were sitting to face each other. The place was a bit more crowded than usual, so the noise was covering most they were saying. So mainly no one was paying attention to them.
- See people here?! Well, they all seem to be talking to someone they know. But why do people talk with others?! You probably wondered about this. Most of these people had no reason at all to be together this day. Hell, we didn't have a reason to be friends.
- We didn't?
- Well, think about the things in common. We have some great things, but mostly we are completely different. So are most people. What binds them... energy waves.
- No wait, there are many reasons to be together with someone, even if you have nearly nothing in common.
- Agreed. But still, you probably know a lot of nice people. What stops you from being with them all the time, and getting to know them better? People eventually know much more people than they actually pass time with. And some of them surely are great people. But study akin to numerology and astrology, but lacking the precision of the former and the success of the latter. still, they lack something that allows this binding. This is the same with love at first sight. Or why some people arouse others' curiosity while others don't. This all happens because at some point they got together, for some random and unimportant reason, and as their energy waves were proper for them to want to get to know each other. This sudden interest, in someone you don't know has no logical reason. But it happens somehow. I can only give it to energy waves.
- Well, it does have no logical explanation.
- Yep. I realized this a long time a go, when I looked around my classmates and even though many of them were cool, some very nice people, some very beautiful, some with many interests in common with me, I had no special interest in becoming better friends with them. But for some reason, I wanted to meet some very random people from my class, or friends of my friends, even though they seemed not interested in me, some treated me with disdain, or just ignored me. Some I've become very good friends despite the odds. That can only be due to our matching energy waves.
- Probably.
- Likewise, even if you have such an affinity for someone, if they don't have the same feeling for you, the relationship probably won't work, at least not on the long run.
- I think that happens more often then the first case.
- Hehehe, I agree. This is a strange part of things. But remember when you see someone that interests you for no apparent reason, there are things there that may turn this person in one of the best you've ever met.

Memory Check List
Recently I realized how weird my memory is. Well, at least I realized a new level I didn't perceive before.
I had a tendency to forget things I told myself to remember over and over. Like those things you remember that you must do the next day, and say to yourself, don't forget, but when it comes to it you never remember it. But I got used to, important things I sometimes send an e-mail to myself as a reminder, sometimes I focus really hard and kind of "save" in my memory what I had to do, so I keep remembering from time to time.
This saving things in the memory leads to something I can only describe as memory check list. You brain thinks all the time, even when you don't realize it (probably not during your sleep, who knows), but it is hard to keep it thinking on the right track. So I think we have a part of your memory destined to check up things. Important things eventually end up there and so when your brain wonders off in random thoughts it sometimes glimpses at this check list sees if there is some upcoming pending important thing to do.
Have you ever remembered something kind of urgent on your way home, just out of nowhere when thinking about something completely unrelated? So that would be the function of this check list.
But as any list it requires maintenance. You can't remember everything after all.
So what I came to realize is that I have a bug in my maintenance function.
I had something important I had to do, simple, like warning someone about something. I was waiting for the opportunity to do it, so from time to time I checked if I could do it. Eventually an event occurred so I didn't have to do anything anymore. But still, I check about 6 times if I could do the thing I had to do but didn't have to do anymore. Then I went to bed and reset the check list.
It was kind of annoying saying to myself for the sixth time, you don't have to check this anymore, so stop wasting your time. Instinctively I went to check for something I didn't need anymore, even though I knew I didn't need to check. But this check list access is so fast, that it goes and does not warn the rest of the memory, resulting in unprocessed actions.
Weird huh?
I've done this several times, but only really registered it recently.
My memory is one of the worst I know.
I wonder if these things happen to others as well.

Attached Memories
Sit.
Wait.
Stop.
Breath.
Listen.
Listen well.
what does is remind you?
this familiar song. It carries so many memories.
Great ones.
You don't need to do something great over again to feel the same feeling.
All you need is to sit.
Listen. Listen well. This song was a mark in time, it has ALL the feelings you need with it.
Songs & Memories. A very powerful duo.
All you need is to listen.
Stop.
Sit.
Listen.

The Last Best Thing: Games
What was your last best game? What was the last game you played that made you feel like that was the best game in the whole history? Not the best game you've ever played, I'm asking about a game you played and think it deserves the tittle of best of games.
You see, it's impossible to determine what is the best game. Even among each category it is hard.
But in your life, (you who played enough), probably came upon a game that meant so much to you, that you faithfully believe it's the best game of all time.
One game you've played many times. One which you never get tired of. The one you recommend to all your friends.
Games, just like anything in life, can be a simple waste of time, but can also be one of the most valuable experiences in one's life. Just like a movie, it can have the perfect music to reflect the characters feelings. Just like a book, it can have the perfectly placed words that make you live the story of the book. Just like a painting, it can have a image, even if crude, that is worth all the words possible to describe the scene. Just like anything you interact in your life, you can relate to it, to the characters' desires, wishes, battles, feelings, code of conduct, style and so on.
Have you seen a game like this? Not necessarily perfect, not like this description, but a game you'd like to call the best.
And finally, if you know any game like this, what was the last game you played that felt like this?
Interestingly, I've chosen many games because of their style, name or just at random. But there is one game. I entered the store, not a big or famous one. My father was with me. I was very young. I wanted a famous game, that I thought would be interesting. They had none, or at least I did not find them. So I went for genre. Role Playing Games.
This one caught my attention. Simple name. Second in it series. Thought they did not have the first. Promised many things. Had very interesting new things. "The Ultimate Role Playing Game!" it said on the back. For some reason I believed it.
I was in the U.S. so I did not have my console with me, so I had to wait the whole trip before I got to play it. I read the manual, the box, anything. I got each time more and more anxious about it. I grew greater expectations by the day. And I'm proud to say it lived up to my expectations.
The games was original, had new interesting stuff, good graphics (for its time), great puzzles, great history, well developed characters and great soundtrack.
Well, this is the game that marked my life as the best game. I do say there are many games around this tittle, and probably this one is not even near the tittle, but in my concept this was the best game I ever played.
So if you have any interest. If you don't mind playing 2D games with sprites. If you have the time. If you like RPG. I'd say try it, with an open mind.
The name is Lufia 2: Rise of the Sinistrals. The Last Best Game I've ever played.

A Digging Dream
At your bed.
At night.
Struggling with cold.
Really really cold.

Winter is there.
You lay there curled.
Under piles of blankets.
Hugging your pillow.

You feel comfortable.
You breath heavily.
Your lungs request more air.
But you feel like not moving.

You start to drowse.
Breathing is not your focus.
Your mind at random thoughts.
Until it goes blank.

Time passes.
Dreams randomly in your mind.
Time really passes.
But then you have a dream.

One significant enough to remember.
A girl, a hug with tears and a talk.
Simple, but meaningful.
Your heart pumped stronger.

The dream of something,
You wish had happened long ago.
Probably the last time you had hope.
The last time your heart beat like this.

You regain conscientiousness.
Everything is dark.
Alone under the blankets.
Isolated from the cold.

You think about it.
Your heart feels young.
But it tells you the grim message.
You no longer wish this dream.

It was good as a dream.
Would have been good ages ago.
Now it would clash with anger.
So you go back to sleep.

Silent is the night.
Under the moonlight veil.
Surrounded by darkness.
Dreams are there to dig your old feelings.

Held by Thorn
Tum Tum!
It tried to find something to beat for, and found nothing.
Weird feeling of the pump for a reason, specially when it finds no reason.
Tum Tum...
it finds the tight rope of thorns holding it down.
it wonders about freedom.
Tum Tum,
will it ever find a new reason to tum?
will I ever find the peace I need to rest?
Tum?
I'm not in the mood for the other tum...

Age Differences
Have you ever looked back to see what were you like many years ago?
Many people wish they could go back in time and redo something in their lives.
I have this practice of thinking things I shouldn't have done, so I don't do them again. Of course I have to revisit whatever feeling I had at that time to understand why I did it.
So I glimpsed back. And realized how different I were. It's not that usual I was a geek now I'm a grown up. No, in fact, I'm still a geek =P.
Many year ago, and when I say many I mean about 95 years ago, there was I, a very shy boy with nothing better to do than video games. I was weak, never practiced any sports, or didn't like them. I wasn't social, knew few people, and was kind of hated by most. Being a geek like I was, I preferred to be at home, playing games, or playing with the few friends I had.
I was ashamed to do things. I feared what other people would think of me. I was raised believing in moral values, not being thought that I had a choice over them, and should choose the most appropriate moment to follow them. I was too timid to do things, so I kept out of other people's ways.
I had little knowledge, and little interest in expanding them.
I was different...
or should I say... I am different.
Now I have more confidence in my self. I have great awareness of my actions and their consequences. I choose without fear and go through it to the end.
I have my plans, great ones. Most will take a lot of effort, which I'm willing to do.
I have no shame about normal things, I have nearly no shame of my actions, and will talk about them freely if I wish.
I have much more knowledge, and there are many things which I still want to learn, and will in time.
I know lots of people, I have my group of friends from the RPG, and the college, we go out from time to time. And many other people I go out with.
Interestingly it seems strange to realize you've changed so much, even though you've been used to being like you are.
We still maintain traces of our childhood. Traces I believe to be unchangeable, eternal. Those traces unique to you, that no matter how much people may try or come close, they'll never have the same traces.
I might have been through a lot, and changed much more than I expected to. But on the good side, I'm much stronger. More than I ever imagined.
People change, fact.
But they do not necessarily change for the best.
I wonder how much will I change in the next years.
Do you?

The Woman in the Red Dress
The place is strange to me, I've never been here before, and probably wouldn't have come if it weren't for her unusual nagging.
Why did she make such a big deal about me coming here tonight, we could have gone to many other nice places without this kind of noise. Where is she? I thought she would have a table reserved for us. Like, what the hell is going on here?!
Maybe I got here first. She wanted to come in separate cars. It's nice for her to be independent, but sometimes I'd like to feel more useful, she could just spend this time with me, it wouldn't kill her.
This place is nice, despite the noise of course. It has many small round tables with thin chairs around them, the lights seem appropriate to talk with your friends about life. People occupy most of the tables, but some are still empty. Apparently two waiters seem to move from table to table picking orders and asking them to the bartender. At the bar, two people are preparing drinks, being one of them the link between the waiters and the kitchen, and the other the main cocktail master. There seem to be another person standing at the counter waiting to deliver the drinks.
People seem to be having fun, talking with each other. Even the few lonely people seem to be enjoying a calm night and having fun with their reading. I wonder how he can read under such dim light, maybe the light above him is enough.
Well, let me get a table for me.
Soft seat, this is good. The ambient music seem enjoyable too. Now that I'm closer to the other tables I can see some people playing card games. Strange thing for a place like this.
Well, I still haven't figured out what king of place is this. There is a piano in the stage at the end of the room. Doesn't seem to have much space to dance, so I'm taking this is a bar with live piano musics. I hope the pianist is good. I know she likes a soft cool music. Yeah, this must be why she wanted to come here, this place is like her, different but still classy. Of course, she seems more like the kind that goes to more agitated places, but this has a touch of her.
- Hi, can I get you something?
- Humm, get me cola, no ice or lemon.
- Ok, anything else?
- No thanks.
- I'll be right back.
Should I get something to eat? Well, I did eat late today, so I'm not hungry, but if she takes too long I'll get something just to nibble on.
- Here it is.
- Thank you.
The lights are fading. Where the hell is she? The performance is about to start.
A thin man enters the stage, all black outfit, he comes calmly and sits at the piano. People start to quiet down, the people playing cards stop their games, the people reading put down their books/papers. Silence takes place, darkness joins it.
The only light remaining is the one in the stage. But it's not at full power. Just enough for the pianist to read.
After one minute he finished stretching an put his hands into the piano. The song flowed with his fingers, gently, but firmly pressing each key, and producing the most soothing melody.
Damn it, she's going to miss it. Should I call her? But then I'll miss it too. Ok, there must be something wrong with her, I'll call her.
At that moment another spot light came to life. And a voice joined the song. A smooth voice, but strong. Amplified by the microphone she entered the stage from the left singing. The pianist was nows playing very low, giving space for the voice to lead the song.
The singer was thin, not too tall, about 1.70 meters, or something like that, with high heels.
Her hair was slightly curled, light brunet with some highlights, she wore no visible makeup, but she had the natural beauty that does not need it. She had the most beautiful smile, and sang very calmly, but you could feel her heart in every word she said.
She had this long, one piece, red dress, with a black design at at the breasts.
She kept singing for some time there, and when the time was right a string bass, and a violin joined the symphony, they came from each side and joined the piano. The created the most melodic back music to complete the voice singing those perfect lyrics.
For some reason, I could only think they were for me. They somehow spoke to my heart directly, they answered questions unsolved for years, they brought ease to the confusion in my heart, and all seemed so beautiful.
In the middle of the spectacle, she began to walk around the tables, not coming too close to each table, but passing happily near each one, but her eyes kept dancing around the room, eventually crossing with mine several times. The drums had joined the party too, appearing only slightly in the side when the curtains sled a bit open.
She stopped singing, giving room for the flute to come in and take on the main melody for some time. She then walked a bit more and went for the front of the stage, right in the center. She looked at me, raised the microphone to her mouth. She smiled.
I felt nervous, this was all too sweet, I felt too happy. I smiled back.
All instruments faded out gently, leaving the drums for an occasional beat check, just to keep the rhythm. She stepped forward taking a deep breath and sang again, without instruments filling, just her voice, her eyes, her walk and the only light in the place dimly following her around.
Those words, the words I vowed not to say out loud, not to reveal to anyone, the same words I've dreamed to hear one day, they came from her, specially to me, and took away every defense, barrier, stress, preoccupation, worries and sadness I had. Left me there, pure to feel how I'd once felt. How she seemed to feel.
She walked to me singing, she came closer, the instruments slowly seemed to return to the music, but I didn't realize it. My mind was on her voice, on her words. She touched my chest, and slid her hand over my shoulder to my hand. She pulled me up from the chair and kept singing looking into my eyes, just a foot away.
That was it, it could not get any more perfect.
From the moment the song ended I knew, I had no doubt, not about this. Not one of the ones that kept me company along many long years. I have no idea why those words have such effect, I've heard others that seem more fit to me, but for some reason, those words are the words I'd like to hear someone sing to me, and she did it.
That's why she didn't come with me, or explain anything. It wasn't to see a show with her, it was to see her perform. Perform to me.
That was all I needed to hear, and then I knew.

Traffic
40 minutes.
Two police cars.
One ambulance.
One tow truck.
All of them passing through me.
And in the end, no accident where I passed.
Damn those 40 minutes of traffic.

Intermission
The wooden main stage. There, illuminated by the spotlight. People phasing in and out of the stage.
Only one is there at all times. At least at this stage.
He walks around. In front of a crate he tries to push it. No use.
He walks away.
In front of a fence he tries to jump. Fails.
He gets up and cleans the dirt in his clothes.
He walks to a nearby tree. He glances beyond it. People are there. People who were on stage.
He blinks.
The weight of his eyelids is too much. He closes them.
The weight passes to his body.
Too heavy. Too...heavy.
He let go of his balance.
Right into the ground.
Tumpf.
The curtains goes down.
Intermission...

Personal Inspiration
Or what I mean is a inspiring person.
How many great things in the world were done with a person as inspiration.
Songs, Paintings, Sculptures, Bridges, Supercomputers, Buildings, Cars, Houses, etc.
You see, people don't do things without purpose. As sad as it may sound, it's true (from all I've ever seen). People may do things with no personal gain, just to feel better about themselves, or the world, as a retribution, just to do something random (because it is funny, it unwinds people), because they want something in return and many other more obvious reasons. But in the end, all is done for a reason.
But great things require and extra effort. So they need and extra reason. This, usually, turns out to be a special person. Hell, people usually say they would die for the someone special. At least that is what is portrayed in many different places. I'd say he/she has to be an extremely special person, or your life means not much. So, if you're willing to die for someone you're basically willing to do anything in your power (short from killing others, but this depends on your own values). That's when you decide you'll do a song for him/her or a painting, buy a car, build one, do fantastic things.
This is good, well it seems good at least. Just be careful not to become a fanatic, because this is destructive, to yourself, the special person, and many people near you.
I say sometimes, I believe that we are so technologically advanced because we do incredible things to impress others and sometimes make them happy, many times all this aiming at our own personal gain in the immediate future. Good for the rest of the world.
I had my share of personal inspirations. Some led me to go overboard sometimes just to steal a smile from a sad face, sometimes to make someone embarrassed because it was fun, and she would enjoy. So many things. I guess I'm only here because I have something that inspires me to go on. And maybe this dream will make me pass through great challenges. I'm sad that all inspiration I had in people faded... leaving only but admiration, respect. Few are the people whose simple daily acts would make me go on, just because there is someone out there trying hard enough to make me want to try harder. And I think I know none of them.
But I get my personal inspiration from people who do not exist, fictional people. People who fit into the description above. Even knowing they only live in movies, cartoons, game, I know that what they stand for represents a forgotten part of humanity, the part for which I would fight to death.
It may not be for people I know. It may be for people who do not exist. But my actions will go out to people who I believe can one day understand what it is that I fight for.
I've seen many different inspirations, many irrational, but it feels like ages since I last saw anyone going through hell for someone. It is as if people are thinking more about themselves than others lately. Is this true?
Did you people lost your own personal inspirations?

The Holy Place in Lost Woods
Not that I wish to compare, it's not even as grand as the holy place in lost woods, but if any of you played The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, you can remember that time you search through lost wood for the Master Sword, and when you first get there, you go upwards through this opening in the woods towards the altar where it lies. At that moment your path is crossed by numerous animals, small animals, that playfully pass in front of you as you go for the sword.
This simple act, these animals, they symbolize their thrust in you, and that you are truly the chosen one, the hero of courage. I find that one scene very beautiful, even though it's simple.
Interestingly enough this post was triggered when I was leaving my house today, the sun breaking through the clouds, the cold air, warming sunlight, all this in the condo I live in, and suddenly a sequence of birds flew in front of my car, just like the scene in lost woods. I somehow reminded me of that. I felt... I felt... important.
I know... my condo is nothing like lost woods, I don't want to compare both, lost woods is a sacred place to me. But it sometimes feels good to imagine you're important, you're a hero destined to grandeur. I know I'm not, at least it does not look like, even though I would love to be a hero.
I saw a hero die, I saw what it's like when a hero dies, and I think, that's the way to die. But this is for the next post.
For now, think of the moments where nature makes you feel like you're a part of a much greater plan, of this mystic world where you're a hero. Dream on... it's good sometimes.

Destruction
With the passing of the time wave, all barriers shattered, leaving but a weakened body behind, wounded deep in his soul.
You regain consciousness, you feel the pain that will now follow you around for sometime.
You admit to yourself you broke the bond you struggled so much to keep.
You feel the other side of another bond shaking upon realizing the bond has been loosened.
During a sneeze you fell the piercing pain through your chest, sign of all the strains in your muscles.
You traverse through a this city, you knew it long ago. It lies in ruins. Only the shadows of your past to tell stories about the horrors of your life.
Sadly, even among such destruction, you feel indifferent. You heart does not pump like it used to anymore.
Good? Bad? Both?
I wish things didn't happen the way they did. At least the events in the past few weeks didn't need to happen.
Why...

Time Attack
You have 10 seconds to read this question and answer it.
...
time!
You have 3 seconds to breath, time your swing and get it right.
...
time!
You have 2 seconds to see the ball, calculate it's trajectory and swing at the right time.
...
time!
You have .5 seconds to watch the hand moving and tilt your body in the right direction.
...
time!

You have two weeks to finish four tasks, and any other eventual tasks you may get.
...
BUT!!! you have this new thing you wanna play, so you want to use your "free" time to play it. How long will you be able to play?
...
not enough time!!!

Time is always a problem. Considering it measures the how long it takes to do things, and we want to do more things than we can, it eventually will show you how little time you have.
Interesting enough, I put things in my life as a priority queue, where things I HAVE to do go first, then things I have to do so I will have time to do things I want, then things I want, then things I can do latter with no extra trouble, then things I should do but don't need to. Inside each category there is some hierarchy. Many people work this same way, but most (I think) work differently.
So, what do you do when you want to get more time? Sleep less? I guess this is the most common answer.
The thing is... in the end... when you stop, if you do, you'll look back, at everything you've done. You'll think that you done a lot. But you feel that you missed something, something you probably skipped through with all the rushing, and feel tired and kind of sad. You'll wish you had dedicated more time to things you thought important. Or in some cases, you'll just resume rushing so you don't think about these things.
Doing lots of things can lead to great things, enables you to do more. But generally it has a harsh drawback. You end up neglecting yourself, taking less care of yourself than you should with all the time you spend worrying about other things.
Then you stop...
then you breath...
then you look...
then you fall...
That's when you lean over a wall, slide to the ground, and sit alone until you feel energy to keep on going.
Hoping someone will randomly cross near your wall and stop to take the time to talk with you, and give you back that which you lost on the way.
Hopefully...
or maybe it's just me.

The Inner Triad
The base, the foundation. Many religions, many cults, many ways of seeing the world have their own interpretation of the inner triad.
One should have a strong body to face his enemies.
One should know when, who and why he should face anyone.
One should have the will to face things through, never backing down.
Most people know this as the Body, Mind, Soul Triad. I believe there should, most definitely, be a balance between them, but I find that the triad is just a little off the axis with this triad, so I convinced myself that this triad revolves in another terms. Terms many people are familiar with.
Power, Wisdom and Courage.
Yeah, call me a ripoff.
Power, yes this relates to the body. It's NOT about strength, it's about the physical power of the person, and the world around he/she. Strength alone is weak, limited by the material by which one is made. Power on the other hand relates to one's sync with the physical world around him/her. This is the power to perceive physical objects and shape, transform them, use their own strength as one's own. It represents the power to apply your inner forces into the world, becoming more agile, more precise, stronger, more resistant and healthier. This should not be neglected, as your life, depends on your health and resistance. Many martial arts go after this balance with the world around you, realizing that strength alone will no prevail, one learns to use his/her enemy's power on his/her favor.
Wisdom, the one associated with the mind. People believe that studying will enhance this side. Well, I'm not one to say they are wrong, but I'll say that that is not just it. It's not just about how much you know, it's about how you understand the world in its true form. If you've ever paid any attention to two people fighting, you should have seen that they mainly have different opinion about the subject. Which one is right? Probably none. This is where wisdom shows itself, because wisdom is understanding the multiple points of view on something, specially when it involves yourself. Realizing how even simple actions affect the world around you, snowballing into greater consequences by the second, is something difficult, but without this perception, we cannot keep balance in our lives. The balance involves not affecting others people's lives in bad or unwanted ways. Wisdom can come from reading, but more importantly, it comes from observing and understanding, may it be a book, a movie, an old tale or even real life. Lack of wisdom, will eventually lead to bad decisions, and even regrettable comments.
Courage. Put your soul into it. This common sentence represents what courage is about. It may be related to the soul, because it is the force that drives you to do what you want. Courage is not about doing insane things without thinking, courage is closer to understanding your fears and overcoming them when needed. Courages is having the will to face something you have no power to win, or pushing yourself beyond your limits. Courage may resemble stupidity, but when it comes down to it, a courageous person will raise again and again, to fight for their believes, and for the sake of what really matters. Courage is important, without it one will never step up to the challenges, and won't try again upon failure. This may seem simple, but the sheer will to keep on going may move mountains.
This is a careful and delicate balance, very hard to achieve. But the basis to being strong person. This balance may break through almost every wall.
If you feel you lack anyone of these, do your best to find your equilibrium, if it is your will.

The life, the universe and everything

It's been like what? Ten years? more...
Last time I have no recollection of when it was, or where it was. What I recall is that my father took me there, and I was amazed buy the beauty of it, and mostly glad to hear that the Scorpio constelation is the one that resembles the most what it should resemble, a scorpion. I even memorized the disposition of the stars, though I have no idea where it is placed in the sky night. I have some trouble finding Antares...
I have some luck to live in a place a bit away from the metropolis, so I'm blessed with a mind blowing sky from time to time. Of course, I can't scape the fact that I live near a metropoli so the sky isn' t nearly as beautiful as it can be. This I'll never forget, some years ago, I went with my friends from college to this sporting event in another town, mainly a grand excuse to go drinking. On the way, just out of the interstate, we were on this very little road, an there were no light to be seen in any direction, only the headlights of the car... it was around 11:00 pm. So I stopped the car and turned off the lights. It took some time for us to adapt to the no-light situation. I got out of the car and my breathing stopped, paralized by the sight of the sky. Look at all those stars, about 100 times more stars than I'm used to see. Awesome.
Going back to topic. I went to the planetarium this weekend, and took another shot at seeing stars. this machine a very interesting projector, could generate grand images.
The session started with a general message about environment consciousness, the ones that say about preserving nature, and that we humans are recklessly using the natural resourcess of the planet. Then it went into space, talking about mithology and the stars, planets. It had some strange charts with lots of numerical data which I believe was needlessly confusing to any one who isn't studying math related colleges. It had some nice projections, but some very weak powerpoint like presentations.
Sadly, it didn't get into the sign constelations, it barely mentioned the greek constelations.
I like the sky, gazing upon infinity, remembering that in universal context I'm basicly nothing, a insignificant dot trying to life his life on his randomly placed planet.
All that matters is the beauty of it... and of course the good company.

~ The Adventurer Chronicle 25 ~
"... looked at it, and sat back.
- Well, ok. It was some years ago when I finished my training with Ofaristat, my master. I left there with no place to go, I had no objective, so I thought of something that would occupy me for some time, and probably would be beautiful. I went out to find the source of most pure energy in the world.
- I mean like one of those springs where lots of energy get concentrated? - Asked Artanis.
- Yes.
- But aren't those rare?
- That's what made searching for them so entertaining. I had many adventures during the time I spent searching. It was my chance to train what I've learned, and acquire some spells, and equipment. So after some months of searching I managed to find the fabled spring of most pure energy. It was strange and hard to find. Nature seemed to twist around it trying to hide it, so despite the huge amount of energy concentrated, I didn't feel it until a certain point. After some barrier of sort I could feel the energy, it was huge, it took me some time before I got adapted to so much energy and could walk again. Then I just searched a bit until I came upon a little clearing, with a pond in the middle. The pond emitted a strong glow that reflected in many colors on the trees. The pond had about 10 meters from side to side, but it seemed to have no bottom.
- Amazing! - the girls said to each other in a low voice.
- So, I didn't want to mix up impure energies so I took of my equipment and clothes and dove into the pond.
- Sure like you have the most pure energies. - mocked Cid.
- I did what I could. So, the water was perfect, in the lack of a better word. I've never felt so great. The energy seemed to flow with me, carrying me with it, and I felt part of the world. But something was not exactly right. The energy was incredibly pure, but it wasn't the purest energy there, so I looked around. After some time when I dove under water and looked around I saw a bright light deep down into the pond, the energy seemed to come from there. So I went up, got my air back and put on my wind inducer ring, - he said showing the simple green ring on his left hand - and created a bubble of air so I could breath under water. And dove deep into the pond.
Maelstron paused shortly and walked to a nearby rock. He took the sword and stabbed it into the rock.
- At first going down was kind of easy, but after sometime, as I got nearer to the light the flow of energy began to get to strong to go on, it was pushing me away. So I concentrated my energy and put a greater effort to go down a bit more. Some time latter I was close to the light, it was greater than I could see from the up there. I was trying to get past this place, but I could barely see anything let alone keep up against the flow of energy. Something caught my attention. There was something solid in there, maybe a rock to stand in, I tried to reach for it, and when I got near I notice a handle out there, from the rock, just like this. - he pointed to the sword's handle - But the light was so much I could see nothing more, so I used the handle to pull myself onto the rock. I held the handle with my two hands and stepped on the rock, the energy was immense so I had to hold on with all my strength. Even if my mind was focused on holding on, I felt happy, the energy was so pure, it was fantastic.
- So the sword was down there in the rock? - asked Selina.
- My attention turned to reality when I realized that the handle, even though it looked like made of stone, was indeed metallic. I trying touching things around there, but my senses were mostly numb from the mass energy, so I I tried to pull the thing out of the rock. I put all my energy into it, and when I was about exhausted I felt the handle loosen a bit. That was when this incredibly huge energy engulfed me in this bright light and I lost consciousness. When I woke up I was lying down in the clearing near my clothes and equips, and there was this sword in my hand still shinning a bit. I could..."
~ End of Part 25 ~

The Triple Triad
No, not the card game, even if the game is awesome.
This is a concept I've been fiddling for many years now. Like when they say you have to keep your mind and body at a balance.
This is what my "religion" believes to be the structure of balance. And since I have NO religion, this mainly is what I believe to the points needed to be balanced.
Is not about mind and body, it is about much more. There are four main axis of balance, being three parallel and one connecting them.
Hence the name, there are there (triple) axis to balance, each one having three things (triad) to balance. Once each axis is balanced, you have to balance them all.
I can't say what is to be achieved by all this balance. I think this balance is what makes one a good person, whatever good may mean. I could say that this balance is what gives one the power to overcome most challenges in life.
Why do we need balance?
Well, in nature we see the first law:
"The strong will survive and the weak shall perish" ~ Survival of the fittest.
If we observe, we see that each animal prays on the weakness of its enemy. I know we are probably the only species not to be threatened by another living being, (Of course we have diseases, but not the point), but even so, we can become better in some way by overcoming our weakness', right?
So, take a generic geek. During his life, he's prone to suffer for his lack of strength, or social skills. (if you have anyone of these, you're NOT the geek in the example)
Take the usual jock. He may have troubles in life, developing new skills, and studying due to lack of mind development. (Same goes here.)
Take the generic good looking girl. She has the jocks do the physical stuff for her, and the geeks do her homework, so she only gets her social skills trained. (Once again...)
Sure they may excel in their area. But a geek who knows how to socialize and practices sports, will have a better health and fun, and will be as good in the geeky department as any generic geek.
This is just to show how balance in life can improve it.
More on The Triple Triad soon. One Triad at a time.
" If qualities of Heaven are your desire,
Acquire wisdom and knowledge to take your mind higher.
If Earthly qualities are what you lack,
Train your body in the fields and prepare to attack.
When Heaven and Earth are opened together,
The perilous path will become righteous forever." ~ Naruto, ep 37.

Dog Meat
Do any of you have pets? Most people I know do.
Have you ever hear someone say: "Don't give your dog stake, or it will never eat dog food again."?
Well I've heard, but my dog kind of eats everything he can get, including napkins and eventual spiders.
But I suppose this is true. Some dogs may become a tad picky when they're fed good quality food, like a stake, a lobster or lasagna. I'm not saying it is normal to feed your dog these kinds of food, I for one find it kind of weird, but it's not my point here today.
Guess it is only natural for the dog to want more of the good stuff, when the alternative is generic dog food. No matter how well they may pitch it in television, it will never taste better than a slice of barbecued meat.
I guess people are not much different, at least I know I'm not. For example, I almost always drink the drink I like most, if I discover a better drink, I'll start drinking that one. If possible, and not too troublesome, I'll drink, eat and do whatever I prefer to.
But there is a syndrome related. Like when the dog won't eat ANYTHING but the best.
People think I'm like this. What I think is that I just LIKE less things.
I've tasted many things that I would say are perfect, but contrary to what people think, I will and do, eat a food that is not the best and I'll find it VERY tasty.
See, the problem is. People complain a lot, and it is common for people to complain that a food is not perfect. I say, as a person with a peculiarly bad taste, I'm just glad to eat something I like, it may not be the best I've had, but it is tasty.
I eat things I don't like, it's part of life. I taste everything at least once. In the end it's all just to pass through another meal.
But remember this.
I've been told to be very picky about things. But I guess people don't see that they are picky on their own. Next time you want to complain about something, think first if it is so bad, or just not perfect.
I'd rather hear someone say he does not like the type of food, even if I like, than to hear that it is not good, not even close to some other that they consider perfect.
This is NOT about food, figure it out.

One Gate
Time was passing normally, I had no rush, so I was enjoying the fact that I had some free time to get to my destination. Forward, stop, look around, listen to the music, forward again.
Nothing out of the ordinary, but in the end, special moments never happen in a very confusing, full of changes, weird day, they happen when you least expect, in a most ordinary day.
There it was. Right above the bridge. That old bridge, not much of an eye candy, more close to visual pollution, it had the center a bit lower than the edges, and being of solid stone (cement?) it made two straight lines forming a "very wide" letter V. People were crossing, with no attention paid to what scenery filled the background to their side, they merely went on with their day, on that routine that like me, they had to face everyday, but contrary to them, I learned early that the beauty of life lays hidden around every corner, just waiting to smile to a more observant person.
During the stop in my mind boring routine of getting to the place I had to be but had no rush in getting there. I raised my eyes a bit, and seeing through the gentle silhouette of the unsuspecting people crossing the not so far bridge, I saw the sun.
Some can say, what about it? It's been there for like billions of years and would still be there for more billions, so what's so damn interesting now?
Sure, I've grown tired of having the burning sunlight shinning upon my eyes, blinding my path every day. But this was oddly different. Sometimes there is a mist, but I always surfaced on the sides, far from my path. This was new, the mist took over in from of me, blocking my vision from far away.
And all these oddities combined generated such a marvelous view. The sun fighting against the mist, trying to break through and shine over a deserving soul, while the mist held strong, but the reflection of the light could only break through and reveal the trees in a nearby "forest" specially this one tall tree that bent over the path, just a bit taller than the bridge, and some meters behind it. One could see the silhouette of the tree, not enough to see leaves, but just to see it on the other side of the mist, trying to reveal to all people, even those not paying attention, that the path followed, and the tree was a mark to be seen.
Simple, the sun, the mist, a tree, and a bridge. And the gate to a better place should have been open. Someone must have passed. It seems like a better place.
But I must follow my way, I have to be somewhere, even if I don't have any hurry to get there.

With the flick of a finger
As anyone I believe myself to be stronger, not physically, than most people. Of course, I know my limits.
But I'm impressed to see how easy I can fall down.
The simple flick of a finger is enough to tilt me into falling.
Something as simple as... breaking my ice cream cup. Not that ordinary cup, but one my mom bought years ago when we lunched together on a certain restaurant. A cup I probably can't get again.
So simple.
So nerve breaking.
So sad.
I wonder why it make me so sad, it's supposed to be just glass breaking, and I've broken many glasses through life.



Why?

Fear
One of the most basic instincts. One we can't control, or understand. Some people say we fear the unknown, I agree. Fear is simply a sensation from the adrenaline rushing through one's blood. Biologically speaking fear is just a stimulus to produce adrenaline which itself makes us faster, increases our reflex, makes us stronger and braver. This is mainly for our survival, I guess most, if not all, animals have the same mechanism, they even say to kill chicken fast and painless, so they won't produce adrenaline which tensions all the muscles.
So, when someone asks you what fear is, you can say it is the production of adrenaline in your body to make you more powerful. But like everything in life, you can tell it like it is, or you can embellish it. I'd like to try the second.
So I've been thinking, (about two weeks ago), fear could be compared to a door. We say that in life we walk through lots of paths. So it would be only logic to say that we don't trail one certain path because there is a locked door in the way.
You fear losing someone you like, so you get afraid of going forward. This in life is usually unavoidable, so eventually life will push you forward through that door.
You fear dying, so take one doors that seem to avoid your death, even though the other doors may lead to a perfect future and life.
You fear an animal, so you take doors that don't make you meet such beast.
What causes a door to be locked? Is it such unconditional fear, that no logic can understand? I'd say it is. Some of our fears go unexplained, we don't, or can't, reason with them. Like fear of heights, speed, people, flying on a plane or even the fear to speak in public, this like I've heard is number one reason of fear in the U.S., while Death is second.
We fell our lives threatened, so we are afraid. It is the same fear that keeps me from going on big roller coasters. I have no reason to fear such a fun ride, many people a day go on it and nothing happens, even so I'm held back by a force beyond my power, a lock. The same goes everyday with people who are afraid of flying.
In many cases people pull up some courage to unlock those doors. So the metaphor goes on comparing courage as a key.
As we walk through life we find many doors in our way. Some we would like to cross, but don't have the key, some we don't want to cross even when we have the key.
But many people try to make the best to open some doors. Usually there is a reason to get to the other side. A love, a friend, a job or just family.
We do not have all the keys, sometimes the key to that door may be with the people you know, or even with people you never met. If you wish to get to the other side, muster all the power you can and see if you have the key, if you don't, don't be afraid of asking people you know for help to get on the other side, they may just have the words that hold the key.
There are many things other than fear that may be locking a door. But the same as with fear, someone has to have that key, so go on search for it.
We let our fears hold out part of our lives, we take trails we'd rather not, we hurt people, we hurt ourselves, we become unhappy because we can't face our fears. Maybe it is something unknown, maybe you won't like it, but we eventually change, that is absolute. One day you may cross one door and end up liking something you've been afraid your whole life, so why wait? If you have no better path to chose, if there is nothing more important in your life to do now, face the uncharted. Go on to places you've never seen, even if it is only inside yourself. Never hold back on what could be better because of your fears. Don't avoid doors because of it, that way your feelings may turn to hate, pain, jealousy, envy, grudge and even worse.
Whenever possible find a new key and open those doors. Like the Sunscreen song tells: "Do one thing everyday that scares you!"
I'm not saying to open doors that seem stupid to open, only to find the key that is well hidden inside of you. You may need it in the future.
And if ever possible, find a master key. The one that will open all your doors when needed, or all doors locked by fear. I have mine, do you have yours?

~ The Adventurer Chronicle 24 ~
" - So, what does it read? - asked Cid impatiently looking back through the door they came.
- Well... if my translation is correct, it should be something like this. "Your passage, is only but a test, so to be worth of something you must prove your value. One may only enter through the barrier with the burden of the ten curses in this room."
- Curses, what does it mean curses, like when you curse someone for doing something wrong? - asked the whipmaster.
- No not quite. It is more personal. Its like any spiritual power, it just... wait you don't know about curses?
By this point the group was looking oddly to her, and the question only made everyone look around at each other to see if anyone knew what she meant. The collective look she got back only indicated they did not.
- Well, - she explained - curses are spiritual powers, just like any other power, but they are used and applied in a more specific way. It was very common way to user our powers, but it was abandoned many ages ago since it only brought destruction. Curses can't be used to restore, and heal. Well, that is what my mother told me. Apparently curses can be used by anyone, but if you are not familiar with the basis of the concept of cursing, you can only do curses related to your elemental power.
- So you know how to use these curse powers. - asked Maelstron.
- Well, it is not what I developed, but I know some very basic curses my mother taught me.
- So you can tell us what are these ten curses over here. - Cid said pointing to runes carvings in the walls of the room.
- Well, you know... - she blushed - I can try.
As she started to read the runes, Maelstron headed for the door, and started an incantation. After some seconds he cast a major illusion over the place to try to cover their tracks. As he was finishing the incantation Selina finished deciphering what she could read.
- As I expected I can't make out what the other seven curses are, but these three I've seen something similar. This one is a curse of movement, probably we won't be able to use any special movement inside. This is a spell block curse, basically no spell casting with this curse. And if I'm not mistaken, the last one should be recovery curse, we can't recover health naturally.
- If those are three of the ten curses, I imagine this will be most challenging.
- Yeah, we are so used to using our powers.
- So, shall we?
Everyone looked around. They knew they had to go on. But most of them were scared, not only they could not use most of their power, but they didn't know what other curses would there be to impair them. Of course..."
~ End of Part 24 ~

Immortalization
Immortal, one who cannot die. Many people dreamed about being immortal, but from my point of seeing, immortality will only lead you to seeing your loved ones die. To some people it may be time to wander through a vast planet, and experience and infinity of new sensations.
But working on the real of Earth, where we know not how to be immortal, what does this word mean? Well, I agree with some points of view on this, but to put it simple, no one lives forever and that is that. So I take that immortalization is just as some people say. To have your name echoed through eternity.
Albert Einstein, John Lennon, Leonardo da Vince, Beethoven, Shakespeare, Walt Disney, Mahatma Gandhi. People who are worldly know, and will be heard through history for a long time, even though some have just recently become part of history.
Once again, an old concept that many people are familiar with. And I risk to say many dream of becoming part of history.
Do I? Yeah, why not. I just want to give back to the industry that gave me so many great moments. I'll strive to have my name known as a great part of it, but I don't care if my name is ever mentioned long after I am gone.
Of course, we all want to be recognized.
Immortalization is just a step further, a large step. But what does it take to become part of history.
Well there are many things one can do. I have no clue to most of them since my connection to history is very low. But I have my own take about it.
From the ways to become part of history, there is only one I truly respect. The others are not as meaningful as this one is, but on this selection many people who deserved to be here may be left out. Of course one can try to kill the pope, the president or any person greatly known to the world, but this is NOT a respectful way of putting your name into history.
If you look back to these people, they have something in common with each other. They all did something, or mostly many things, that marked an era, a turning point, and with that had their names immortalized. It may have been a song, many songs, a work, a collection of works, masterpieces, ideals, or simply a revolutionary discovery. None of them where fools, or lazy. They may not have been rightful people, they may have been evil, clueless or simply nuts. But they had it in them to put more then everything they could into their work/passion, so that their accomplishments were nothing short from perfect. They may not have been perfect, but they had more in them than most things through centuries.
One whose dedication to one's work exceeds that normal human limit. Those who work to be more than best. Those who are true to themselves and will make their dreams into reality.
Those are the ones who deserve to have their names wrought into history. After all, a name to be told through ages, should be worth saying.
This comes after a song compiling John Williams' works. After some research on him, mostly wikipedia, I saw what a great guy he was, and even if his name may not be worldly known, at least his work is. You heard it, 99% sure. The theme from Superman, from Indiana Jones, from Star Wars, E.T., Jaws and many others. His contribution to the music/film industry should be nothing less than an inspiration for the new artists to do a more than best job.
Like the song ends:
"John Williams is the man!"
Do you wish to have your name into history? Then do something to deserve, and when you do... don't stop!

Dreams from the Realm of Impossible.
Dreams, are they just impossible things we want in life?
I am one to believe that dreams are just a goal we set for ourselves to keep us going.
But I find myself often daydreaming about things that I am mostly certain that will NEVER happen.
That girl that would never waste a day with you, coming and just sleep on you lap from the gentle caress in her hair.
That friend who almost never calls you, takes the phone and calls you for the weekend in his house.
What to do if you won the lottery.
What if back then she had said it differently.
People say that wondering what could have been is a bad thing. That it holds your life back. But then again, I don't respect most people's opinion. Besides, I've seen so many people making the same mistakes over and over, they could learn a bit from their own past if they only looked.
This world is too big. Even there being too many humans, this world is too big for anything to be done.
We can't see the whole world, even if we can trick ourselves into satisfaction.
We can't meet everyone, there is just not enough time, and each person you meet means someone is dying and therefore one less to meet, at the same time many people are born, meaning MORE people to meet.
We can't play every game, see every movie, read every book, listen to every music and so on.
Of course. That only means we have to enjoy every moment of our lives. Hehehe, now I sound just like those motivational speakers.
But like anyone, all we want is to experience things that makes us feel good, that is, being happy.
And according to the first Law of Murphy, most of the times that won't happen, (excluding those people who actually manage to pull it). So it is perfectly natural to wonder what if it DID go the way you wanted.
What if he/she said yes instead of no.
This thought may have passed through the head of about 80% of the world population. Of course, where I study we have the saying the all statistical figures are made right on the spot, therefore meaning nothing, but I find it accurate enough for my argument here.
I take some pleasure to imagine what my life would be if things were different. I learn a lot about myself that way.
I've seen some people talk with regret about their past. I would lie if I said I didn't do that. But I've learned a long time ago not to grow regret, because it only makes you feel bad about things you can't change.
It is a new world.
Sometimes we fail to realize this, but we made so many choices along our lives. They are from the simple second you took to go after someone, to what you said that moment that you could have said better.
Each time you take a decision, or fail to take one, your life goes down one path. There are so many paths left behind. So many great paths. Many of them were not just up to you, but they were possible at one moment.
Some paths are special to us. We treasure them, and many times we dream about them. These special treasures are usually related to our young dreams. Should we abandon them? No. But we can never get too attached to something too far from our every day life.
Just work to get on the path you want, and never forget how your dreams are important.
Spend some time once a month, to see your past choices, and to plan your next action to get on course.
Never say you didn't have a choice. You had, many. And never despair, you'll always have many choices to make.
So many what ifs...

A Small Talk in the Dark
- I know I shouldn't react like this anymore. But somethings are out of my power to control. - said the young boy tossing a stone into the lake.
- We've all been there. What to do? You can always leave forever, but is that a feasible solution? - replied the girl next to him gazing into the lake, and observing the clashing ripples in the water.
The boy stood up and walked towards the lake. He stopped and just looked the reflection of the moon in the water. A few seconds latter the ripples arrived scrambling the image he observed, as thus breaking his trail of thoughts and spilling it over his voice.
- I don't want to run away, I liked what I had. If only I didn't feel this way I could enjoy it. Instead of that I feel more and more split apart.
- Sure, you don't want to see anyone, at least not anyone who is capable of hurting you, but on the other hand you don't want to be alone.
- No one wants.
- Agreed. - she said getting up silently - So you need someone who wants to be with you. - and saying that she rushed to shove him into the lake.
He tried to avoid falling by stepping into the water, but on the third step the water resistance made him lose his balance, and so he fell into the water.
She stood there near the lake, just giggling. He rose from the water, his clothes completely soaked, sticking to his body, his hair somewhat muddy and falling in his face. He took some water off his face and opened his eyes directly at her.
- What the hell?
She laughed a bit.
- Yeah you're right, I should go after someone who wants to be with me. You want to be with me right? - he said looking deeply towards her, and walking near her. She kept giggling but started to back up a bit - So come her and give me a hug.
She turned around to run, but she was stopped by a hand firmly holding her wrist. He pulled her near him and grappled her. He started to drag her to the lake, she struggled a bit.
- No, don't even think about it.
- What, you don't want to be with me? Ok then, - he said turning around and holding her in front of him with the lake behind her - you can just sit with the fish.
Her eyes opened wide as he held her shoulders and pushed her into the lake. She went directly down, without trying to keep her balance, but tried to soften the fall with her hands. She splashed into the water, but as she fell sitting part of her didn't get wet. Part of her knee, hair and from the breasts up didn't get much soaked as the rest of her, they just got sprinkled with some of the splashing water.
He went back to the tree, took off his shirt and tried to get his chest dry.
- You're mean! - she said in a childish but yet giggly voice. Then she got up and walked near him.
- Oh sorry, maybe I should have stayed wet while you were dry.
She just smiled at him. They didn't say anything for about half a minute.
- You know, it is not about what could have been. If it didn't go the way you wanted, just try to make the best out of your new situation.
- Sure. - he looked down - But eventually I'll get tired of things not going how I would like. It's just so many good opportunities wasted just because people don't see things as I do.
- I know it's hard to find someone who has so much in common with you. That's why so many people end up never getting married.
- And it's not even about love in my case.
- But it's still hard. - she said putting her left hand in his arm, and her right hand in his left hand.
- Yes. I just thought that I would find a place where I could identify myself to people, and would therefore find someone. But I end up with the person who has most in common with me is the one who came into my life the most randomly.
- The usual when you least expect right? But there are other who care about you.
- Sure, they just don't have enough time to spend with me, or very little in common.
- And those who do have the time and same interests, just lack the perception of friendship you have, and therefore they don't do the simple things you would like them to.
He sat on the tree once again. Silence held for some time. The mud in the lake feel silently into the ground, clearing the water as the ripples just faded. She sat by his side. A group of ducks swum nearby, eventually diving to wet their heads, or do whatever ducks do that for.
- Even with the occasional arguing, and the pushing into the lake, this is much better. Having someone who is not running around constantly doing things, never stopping to talk with you, or spend a day without worries, just a day to relax, is good. Like this.
- You lead a very calm life, sure of what you want to do with it. Too bad you're doing it alone. Many people prefer to have a busy life. But occasionally you'll find someone who can do this with you more often. I guess it's only a matter of finding someone who likes you, and has this kind of time.
- You know that's not enough. But from this point I would be too picky to ask more right?
- Well, each person has it's own demands about life. Most ignore them, but if you pay attention closely you'll see...
- That everyone is picky about something, and for some reason they still manage to get what they want.
- Yep.
- I wonder...
Silence fell again.
- Yes, don't worry. You'll find someone in your life that is like in your dreams. Just lay down a little on your simple hopes of people changing and being nice to you, or doing things you would like them to. Spare yourself.
- Yeah, it's their loss right?
- Heh, maybe. You just don't deserve to suffer for people who are not concerned about you.
- No one does. No one should.
- But humans like to suffer. Hehehehe.
- That they do.
The night went silent. The few stars in the sky blinked endlessly. The lights on the streets kept the place just lit enough to see around. They wrapped their arms around each other to keep their bodies warm.
"This is nice. This is what I want. Support, understanding." - he thought.
She smiled.