The End of The Year
So, I won't have access to a computer during the next few days, so I'll leave my wishes for a good New Year to everyone, may your resolutions become true, mey this new year be a lucky year to everyone who deserves and may this year bring new and exciting things to everyone's lives.
When I get back I'll post something, maybe I'll start the year with an Adveturer's Chronicle, as a promisse to work harder on my book.
Good festivities to you all, see you next year.
                                                                              ~ Maelstron, retired guardian, true friend. ~

Plans & Dreams
As I went on my way home, I wondered about my dreams. Dreams, not those like winning the lottery, learning how to cast magic or meeting the perfect girl, dreams like those you plan to do if the circumstances arise. I have many plans for most circumstances, some are normal, may happen or will happen in time, some are very ambitious, depending mostly on me getting a lot of money.
I guess anyone has their own plans, they work towards them most of their life, hopefully without disturbing the dreams of others. I have began to work on some of them, others I still have not enough maturity or money to begin. But some days I makes me very happy just imagining what would be if I realized my dreams. And for some strange reason I feel like sharing them here.
So to make things simple I won't mention dreams that have to alter reality to work, or simple things as where I would like to work and other things that are too generic. Like most people, there are the basic things you normally want, like having a family and stuff, but as many people are told, there is one thing every man should do in life, write a book. (the original sentence is, "there are three things every man should do in life, write a book, plant a tree and have a child"). I have no special interest in the two last, but I would be sad to leave this world without finishing my book. Many of you reading this have read some parts from it, as did some other people, I've finished the first chapter, I only have to put it in a digital format and pass it around to see what some friends have to say.
On dreams a little more difficult, I would like to create a successful RPG system. I have little hopes of it becoming a world know success, but if I get to publish it I would be happy enough. I am working on this dream, I have most of it defined, I just lack creativity to fill long lists of things needed to give players a choice.
But two dreams haunt me, as I would love to do them, but I can only accomplish them with a quantity of money far from normal. One is simple, to build a replica of an Opera House, shown in the game Final Fantasy VI. I don't know why, I simply want to build it, maybe because to me it is simply beautiful, but this king of construction would take probably millions. The other is to create a system, with a database, where people could play RPG in the same world, playing with official game master and keeping a track of every player and their location, so it would be possible to create events, quests and many other things so people could be a part of a ever changing world. Well my description probably confused every one, but it is simple to say that I would like to be able to play RPG, like the classic paper & sheet RPG, but online, like on a chat, but with many features to help.
These two dreams I have been carrying for some time, and I have no idea if I will be able to achieve them one day, but I surely will work for it. They are far fetched, I know, but many dreams are, and these are mine. Strangely I have no dream of getting rich, building a great family, finding the nirvana, traveling around the world or anything more common. Just these dreams, that are not for me, just for my personal achievement and for others to enjoy.
Guess I have much work to do still right?!
I'll update here if I have any good progress ^^.
Until then, merry Christmas to everyone.

Exhaustion
This end of semester has been quite demanding. Lots of work to do, things to study and things to get. The thing is, I haven't been able to really rest in a while, not even after my vacation started. I have been trying to see some people, go out with friends, invite people to do stuff and when I get some free time, play some games. With all that I haven't been able to take this semester's load of my back.
Not only time seems scarce but for some unfortunate turn of events in my college I'm still getting work to do, as the group project had a horrible turnout. With this I'm still a bit stressed with college. Not only that but I still haven't sorted out people related stuff. It took out some of the energy finding most people around me very inconsiderate, taking out other people's flaws on me, being offensive against me when my intentions are the best, people lacking touch or the ability to be caring and to be nice every now and then. So many consequences. I still dwell in conflict between regret, and the lonely relief.
Maybe a great frustration of mine is that for about a year, I have been waiting to get my hands on the Nintendo Wii. I've read many articles, I've followed the development of the console and its features, I've seen many videos, I defended it, I hoped it would be a success and it even launched the same day as my birthday. But for some sort of irony, it was such a success that it was sold out before I could try to buy one. Its ironic how from all people I know, I was probably the most eager to play it, and will end up being one of the last to do so. I suppose there is some fairness there somewhere, but I don't want to search for it. I'll have to wait until next year to get my long waited video game. I hoped I would have some game to play until then, but even though I got my friend his long waited game, and got a game borrowed from another friend, I either lack the console or a game to play. There goes my sanity.
There will be so much to do this vacation. I have two trips to plan, which I'll be doing with the assistance of only one person. I have work to do, my graduation project to begin and a semi personal project to do. All this in the few weeks I'll get. All this planning and trying to adapt everything to other people's schedule and very little help, hearing lots of complaints and with no time to rest.
On the bright side, one old friend has shown me that given time to her, she would be there with me, enjoying a good afternoon in the pool, hearing me troubles, giving support and sharing lives. I missed that. I have another friend whose simple touch and kiss if filled with most pure friendship. Have I grown so used to not having any care and sweetness in my life? My dead side would expect to be invited by the people I like to do things with them, for them to share things they know are important to me and even take me into consideration before doing something. But I think I proved to myself this semester that I gain more fighting alone, that few people, if no one, care about me and that if I don't keep going after my friends they, as sure as hell, won't move a muscle to come after me. I wish every day that I am wrong. I wish every day that someone will prove me wrong. I wish every day that I wasn't able to foresee the repercussions.
Well as for now, I am distracting myself with some sword play, some old games, a swimming pool, reading and blogging. Soon it will be Christmas which means I'll be in the kitchen cooking for Christmas dinner on the 23rd and 24th. Maybe then I can get some rest.

Sanity
I miss my old friendships,
I miss having someone to talk to,
I miss having hope,
I miss that thrill of a new game,
I miss dreaming that someone will someday surprise me with a nice day,
I miss sleeping without waking up every hour.
I can't take this anymore, I am completely tired, exhausted. All the troubles I have been through, and every discussion with others, all the stress studying, and no fun for me, no reward in the end, only pain and stress. And all that I have waited for is no happening. It will be a much more boring vacation than I expected.
It seems as people work against me. Everything I plan, want to do or invite anyone to join me, is a failure. People ignore, plan things over to do what they want, or simply don't show up. I wonder what has happened in my life to be in this point.
The only things that work in my life are when I try to do something for others, to make others happy. Yes I easy can get things from around the world if it means giving a nice present to someone. But every action to get something I want badly fail miserably.
As my hope and sanity crumbles with exhaustion, I believe once again that I was born to make other people happy, and that I was cursed never to be truly happy.
Sorry, I can't take any more problems.
Sorry, it's just the end of a bad day, maybe I'll be better tomorrow.

A Symbol
Humans have a tendency to try to see more meaning to things than they sometimes have. Of course, up to some point I can't escape from that. Many things represent more than the object itself, be it a country flag, a very old painting, a perfume or even a present.
People usually have a lot of objects, but do they know why they have that object? You see, most things anyone possess have a purpose, and usually they are useful. These take cellphones, computers, books or anything one may do something with. You may gain these things as presents, or buy them as the most common option. But these objects mean nothing more than they are. Well of course you can have something for so long that you grow fond of it, and then it may become a symbol to you, like that mug that symbolizes the chocolate milk you drink every morning, or the headphones you put on every time you want to take your mind off the world.
Symbols are something important, from the simplest person to the most complex villain. It may be a symbol of faith like a cross, a symbol of peace like a feather, a symbol of love like a medallion, a symbol of pain like an old girlfriends perfume and any type of symbol for any feeling there exists.
Now, symbols don't just appear from nowhere, objects become symbols the moment it gets tied to a feeling. Some symbols grow feelings over time, but most frequently objects become symbol when they are bought or given as a present. You see, you get that lovely crystal statue from someone you love, it becomes a symbol, it reminds you of that special someone even being completely useless. This goes on even when you buy things, like that ring you bought because it made you remember someone important.
As you enter a place you can see many symbols, most may be just decoration, but a symbol nonetheless. But you may come to see this in time, very few people have a "negative" symbol in their possession. This is because humans hate pain and every memory attached to it, and get rid of anything that reminds them of a bad experience. You had an awful experience when you broke up after years of relationship, if the experience was really bad, most people throw away anything from that relationship, of course to some people don't throw away somethings for monetary reasons. But some people will keep these symbols as a reminder of a lesson, or respect, or even someone they had dear once. Even if it makes them cry when they look at it, it is a memory and to some people that may be an important memory.
But something puzzles me. What happens when you face an item that you have no idea what it is doing there? I mean, you have this object, it has no use, I mean besides paper weight, and for some reason you can't recall from the day you acquired it, you have no feeling attached to it. So basically you have an object that you can't use and that it is JUST an object, not memory on it, no symbolic existence. What do you do? It feels weird to see this, you fiddle with the object hoping to jaunt a memory, maybe a reason, maybe a purpose. But your heart refuses to give it a meaning, and your mind seems unwillingly to share a memory of it. You know deep inside of you, you want to make it a symbol, but finding no reason you can't.
I have held many symbols, most of them were personal to me, many and probably most I bought. Some I held for ages until I found someone to give it to, some I gave away for my own safe, some I sadly lost and some face every day and every minute with me. Symbols are things that can give you support, may have words of wisdom for troubled times, or may give you the energy and inspiration you need to go on. I believe each person has its own symbol, and treasure them, sometimes with life. Things need not to be useful to be important, they just have to mean something.
This is why I find it strange to see a meaningless object, with no purpose in existence. Maybe it is just waiting for the right moment.
Take care of your symbols, they may mean more to you than you realize, and may mean something to other people.