Today, a friend of mine said to me:
"Aahhhh, so you are a nice guy!"
This comes only to reflect my thoughts that most people have the wrong idea of me.
Not that I am not nice guy, I think I am, and I like being nice, it is one thing that seems true to my soul.
People misjudge easily others. I know I cooperate, but I feel that some people have little respect for me.
So I am a nice guy because I don't take joy and laughter in others suffering?! I never did, and probably never will, get the joy taken from your friends misery. Hehehe don't get me wrong, I know that the people I know aren't bad like that, no one really enjoys seeing their friends suffering. I just sometimes don't get what they get in laughing and saying that you are fucked, when you know that. In my opinion I don't like when something bad happens to me and someone laughs in my face because of it. ^^
I have heard so many times that I was a nice person, but I still don't know if that is a good or a bad thing. Nice usually suffers more, people tend to like bad boys better ^^.
So back to the point... I know I am a really complex person, and it is not easy to understand me(even I have trouble with that ^^), but people neglect to see the things at the surface, people look half way deep, never too deep, never too shallow, so they miss the thing screaming at their faces. I may be complex but my wishes are clear, my soul is true, but even so, few(if any) know what I want. It is something that cannot be given, or taken, it is something that must be shared, something that everyone has, and even if you spare all you think you have, you will still have more. See I am complex, but if you paid attention to what I said, what I have been saying for a long time, you should know, because I have been asking this since I was 18 years old(and that was long long time ago ^^).
I wonder if she would understand me... I think yes.
I wish I had more time.
~ May the sands of time heal it all, or take us to oblivion! ~

This weekend I went to a night club.
Strangely I was smiling all the time, I just could't avoid it.
It was a nice place, some great musics, and some very very beautiful girls.
My friends there wanted to get someone to me, but that was more of a bluff, or they were just involved in other things and forgot all about it. Better that way I think.
I danced all night, flerted a little, got really exausted, which is what I wanted.
But as the night went on, and a new day came I reallized something...
I may like to go to places like that, and I may like to flert, and I would like to kiss someone there, but there is one downside...
I find a need inside me, I need someone more calm... with things in commom with me.
I know nothing about people in night clubs, but those who go, usually have an agitated life.
I now feel somewhat sad. I miss those who have things in commom with me. I miss playing video game with my friends, I miss talking to some friends about life, I miss having company to study, I miss playing RPG, I miss people coming to me at MSN to talk about wierd stuff, but I think I miss most spending time with someone caring.
A friend of mine said that the world has led us to believe that we have to work/study so we can have money to afford having free time to have fun. Even if I believe that is an overanalisis I still agree with him in some part. I feel the lack of time in other people lives.
Sometimes I wish I could live in a place where people have time to spend with other people, maybe one day, when Other Worlds(see http://www.renatomacae.blogspot.com/) is functional, maybe then I can find such place.
For now I live according to what life dictates, just hoping that one day someone will go out from their lives and make my day happier ^^.
The problem about searching for people to have in your life, at least my problem, is that I have found some really special people, some that I wish would remain with me for the rest of my life, and I believe I have all that I want near to me, but because of the lack of time, interest or just pure lack of luck, this things so close to me are so far from my reach.
I wonder if there is someone really perfect out there for me to meet, or if I already met that someone. Either way I love my friends, all of you, each for your special traits I hope you all live happily ever after ^^

Fui pro sítio da minha tia esse fim de semana.
Foi bem legal, teve churrasco, piscina, sauna, jacuzzi e até cama elástica.
Pena que o sol sumiu, mas mesmo assim deu pra aproveitar.
Fica só um pouco triste de nãop ver os sorrisos usuais em seu esplendor completo. Vejo todos se divertindo, falando besteiras, discutindo até de noite nas mais altas análises filosóficas. Gosto disso tudo, mas sinto falta de parar no topo do sítio, no meio do terreno, longe de todos, com alguém pra conversar besteiras, falar coisas um pouco mais pessoais.
Me pergunto as vezes se seria muita perda de tempo conversar a dois. Esse pra mim sempre foi o melhor jeito de se conhecer uma pessoa, criando confiança, assim coisas mais pessoais podem ser reveladas.
Me preocupa um pouco o fato de se criar confiança. Isso é difícil, e quase sempre muito frágil. Algumas confiança, de algumas pessoas são muito importantes, e não quero eventualmente descobrir que certas pessoas não confiam em mim.
Depois de algumas coisas que eu fiz eu imaginaria que algumas pessoas não confiam em mim, mas o grande problema é que eu não sei como criar confiança entre nas minhas amizades. Espero um dia ver a confiança em seu esplendor, vigorar nas minhas amizades... até lá eu gostaria de aprender como aumentar a confiança dos outros.
O sítio foi muito legal, espero poder fazer denovo num tempo próximo... e espero ver todos sorrindo, como só eu sei que eles são capazes.

~ The Adventurer Chronicle 17 ~
"...and as the silence entered the tenth minute I just had to get out of there.
- I am going to scout ahead, be right back.
- Wait, I am going with you, this place is dangerous. - said Cid speeding up.
Then we hasted in front of the group, with quick long jumps, until we were out of hearing range, and sight for that matter. Then I asked.
- Why the silence? I don't get it, did I do something wrong?
- Well... kind of. Don't you know what it is? It's like screaming in your face!
- What do you mean?
- You really have no clue about this. What happened is that you were unfair with her. You spend so much energy trying to help everyone that you don't see that you are not the only one making an effort. You expect everyone to do their best, but sometimes you fail to see that they are doing their best, sometimes even more. Maybe because you know most things before they happen, or because you mostly know what every one is feeling, maybe the things we do, like what she did, may seem expected, but you forget that she was trying her best, and not only was she doing so, but she was doing it because she loves you. She is trying her best to make you happy, so you won't have to suffer any more than you already have, but she can't do miracles, and everytime you push your own limites you tend to expect more from us, and I find it a little unfair with her. The thing you don't realize is the same thing you think we don't realize.
That was a clear vision of the picture, one I hate to admit, but nonetheless true. I was going to say something, not to defend myself, but to clarify somethings, but my attention was caught by..."
~ End of Part 17 ~

Saudades do passado,
dos tempos antigos,
de bardos amigos,
e javali assado.

Saudosos estes cantos
que eu nunca ouvi
desta epoca de santos
onde eu não vivi.

Compaixão pelas ruas
nas amizades eternas
as noites eram suas,
a conhecer as tavernas.

Quando necessário
a ajuda era certa,
fosse o templário,
ou a mada esperta.

Diziam de seus medos
aqueles que eram poucos
contava-se nos dedos
menos dos que eram loucos.

Se na vida de aventura
lhe faltasse felicidade
descobriria na amizade
uma estranha ternura.

Pra se viajar sem rumo
conhecer novos lugares
cada dia levado sem prumo
pela compania sobre mares.

Minha alma aqui transcende,
onde meu carinho reside,
onde ninguém me preside,
onde existe quem me entende.

Onde partilho de alegrias
participo de outras vidas
sem tristes despedidas
acompanhado nas noites frias.

Onde partilho as tristezas
no carinho de outros braços
fortalecendo antigos laços
com amizades como certezas.

Diferente de onde vivo
onde essa vida sedentária
representa um papel ativo
nas noites solitárias.

Espero um dia aqui achar
um bardo a me acompanhar
alguem sempre do meu lado
este sim seria um achado.

Algo vindo do meu passado ^^ :

"Num dia tempos atras,
conheci uma garota
bonita e marota,
legal e muito sagaz.

Ela era muito calma,
talvez até demais.
Sem avisar minha alma,
de seus talentos especiais.

Mas conforme convivemos,
me inebriei em sua beleza,
e quanto mais nos conhecemos
mais eu tinha certeza.

Mais e Mais eu pensava nela,
e numa noite ao relento,
que mesmo sem lua era bela.

Pois sua presença me encantava,
e após tanto tempo,
meu coração de amor gritava.

Por ela fui buscar,
na terra e no mar,
um ser magico e encantado.
Um unicórnio, talvez alado.

Procurei em fotos,
nos lugares altos,
também nos pontos baixos,
sendo fêmeas, sendo machos.

Isso que eu sinto,
é forte e verdadeiro.
Não escondo e não minto,
me faz tremer inteiro.

Tanta sorte, eu penso,
pelo dia que te conheci,
que cultivou amor intenso.

Que hoje eu declamo,
o que eu sinto por ti,
que eu realmente te amo."

Tempos bons...que o tempo não trará devolta.